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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband looking at teenage girls

212 replies

Candyblosoom1 · 31/07/2021 23:26

I caught my husband (early 40s) looking at teenage girls a few times when we're out.

The girls he looks at are usually wearing mini skirts, shorts or have their breast out.

They look like there are between 15-18 years old.

I remember when I was around 14, I had a few men staring at me even though I always dressed modestly so I'm starting to wonder if that's in men's nature.

I asked one of my friend who's husband thinks his behaviour is normal. That every men are attracted to young girls(15-18) with boobs or nice legs even if they don't want to admit it. It doesn't mean that they will act on it.

OP posts:
Candyblosoom1 · 01/08/2021 22:09

I understand what you are all saying.

What I'm thinking is, could there be a possibility that I'm wrong and misread his character?

He kept telling me today that he looks at people(Both men and women) but never thinks anything out of it.

I don't know if my interpretation of things are right. I doubt myself quite a bit to be honest.

OP posts:
crazycatgal · 01/08/2021 22:19

I would trust your gut, if you think he is looking at these young girls in a different way to how he would look at a man then you need to trust what you are seeing.

Candyblosoom1 · 01/08/2021 22:24

I will observe his behaviour very closely when we're out and if I'm right, I'll leave.

I'm already looking at places to move out.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 22:44

@Candyblosoom1

I caught my husband (early 40s) looking at teenage girls a few times when we're out.

The girls he looks at are usually wearing mini skirts, shorts or have their breast out.

They look like there are between 15-18 years old.

I remember when I was around 14, I had a few men staring at me even though I always dressed modestly so I'm starting to wonder if that's in men's nature.

I asked one of my friend who's husband thinks his behaviour is normal. That every men are attracted to young girls(15-18) with boobs or nice legs even if they don't want to admit it. It doesn't mean that they will act on it.

Also, what exactly do you mean by

'the girls he looks at are usually...have their breast out' ?

As a mother to a teenage girl I would request that you check your attitude...

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 22:47

Yes, better a failed marriage than being married to a paedophile.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/08/2021 22:56

@Candyblosoom1

I understand what you are all saying.

What I'm thinking is, could there be a possibility that I'm wrong and misread his character?

He kept telling me today that he looks at people(Both men and women) but never thinks anything out of it.

I don't know if my interpretation of things are right. I doubt myself quite a bit to be honest.

Answer this question honestly - do you know in your heart and gut that he has eyed up girls of 15/16/17?

I think you do. And I think that would be a dealbreaker for most women.

Because it's a man being attracted to a minor. And not just being attracted, but also being blatant enough to do so because they see no issue with it OR being unable to control that desire to look at them which is even scarier.

What would your honest answer to that question be?

Maskless · 01/08/2021 22:56

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

All men look or stare at pretty girls, most especially at the ones who are deliberately wearing sexy or revealing clothes which are designed and intended to attract male eyes.

Men are very visual, and can't help themselves.

You really are dolts if you think your husbands are "immune".

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/08/2021 22:59

@Maskless

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

All men look or stare at pretty girls, most especially at the ones who are deliberately wearing sexy or revealing clothes which are designed and intended to attract male eyes.

Men are very visual, and can't help themselves.

You really are dolts if you think your husbands are "immune".

15 year olds? You would be ok with a partner who did that? Really?
changeyourname11111 · 01/08/2021 23:00

Walking home with my dd at about 8.00pm last night.

Car turning on to the road we were about to cross so we waited.

Driver drove slowly and looked at me and I reckon the reason he did that is because he had already looked at my 15 year old dd (she was first in his line of sight) and he wanted to see who she was with. Drove too slowly and with the window down, intently looking over.

Maybe I am wrong in my assessment but I don’t think so.

I have two dds (15 and 17) and a ds (19) and I was not prepared for how much I would worry about stuff like this. Both dds say that men have said things to them while going to and from school and it makes me sick to my stomach. Older dd says she keeps her eyes to the ground if it happens, I don’t know what my other dd does. These men belong on an island they can’t leave where they only have the company of other perverts like them.

Newbornandupwards · 01/08/2021 23:01

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

Really??? Hmm

Guavafish · 01/08/2021 23:06

Some men do look unfortunately and make it very obvious

I think in general most men do look at women of all ages especially young females of that age range. It’s just some are better at hiding it than others.

ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 01/08/2021 23:07

Disgusting. As is the PP being a peadophile apologist.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 01/08/2021 23:08

@Maskless

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

All men look or stare at pretty girls, most especially at the ones who are deliberately wearing sexy or revealing clothes which are designed and intended to attract male eyes.

Men are very visual, and can't help themselves.

You really are dolts if you think your husbands are "immune".

Evidence of rape culture.

Men can’t help it. Girls provoke it.

In 2021. Beyond depressing.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 23:08

Maskless

Yes, some men do this. They are disgusting pervs and don’t get to be part of my life. You should raise the bar.

ScrollingLeaves · 01/08/2021 23:11

I think it is true that they find them attractive even though most would never want to act on it ( and would probably try not to look).

waterlego · 01/08/2021 23:14

@Maskless Your standards are pretty low 😕

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 01/08/2021 23:17

@ScrollingLeaves

I think it is true that they find them attractive even though most would never want to act on it ( and would probably try not to look).
Do you find teen boys attractive?
Enough4me · 01/08/2021 23:17

Men staring at women regardless of age is wrong, but when it's young girls it's really sinister.

Young girls are not going to want a man in his 40s your DH to notice them; these men are deluded and sick if they think they would be of interest.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 23:18

@Maskless

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

All men look or stare at pretty girls, most especially at the ones who are deliberately wearing sexy or revealing clothes which are designed and intended to attract male eyes.

Men are very visual, and can't help themselves.

You really are dolts if you think your husbands are "immune".

Oh joy.

A person (I assume not female I bloody hope not!).

Coming to explain to us all.

That 'girls' (it started at about 12 for me) will NATURALLY get stared at by adult men. Not a glance. A STARE.

clothes giving 'signals' comes into it naturally. And anything 'sexy' definitely indicates the 'girl' is looking to attract stares etc from men old enough to be her dad/ grandad. And definitely NOT just because it's the fashion at the moment.

Women like us you see have NO IDEA what men are like because they all do it and we're just too silly to understand about girls and clothes and men.

Because presumably we were somehow never girls ourselves and so know EXACTLY how it is. And that most men do not stare at (etc etc) girls/ women. Only weird creepy pervy men do. And they like to think it's normal.

No mate. It's shitty vile intimidating behaviour at any age but esp when v young.

The all men do it argument is only put forward by pathetic/ nasty leering perves.

atlastifoundit · 01/08/2021 23:18

@Maskless

I'm laughing with incredulity at the naivety of the women on here!

All men look or stare at pretty girls, most especially at the ones who are deliberately wearing sexy or revealing clothes which are designed and intended to attract male eyes.

Men are very visual, and can't help themselves.

You really are dolts if you think your husbands are "immune".

Men can't help themselves from looking at children? Perverts.
Guavafish · 01/08/2021 23:24

Not sure why you’re all offended by the truth? Men do stare at teen girls and women, and more so if the were revealing clothes.

Does it make it right - of course not.

A popular porn search in the uk is teens! Why?

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 23:24

It is VERY EASY to notice/ glance at attractive person without them noticing.

Women and men who aren't creepy pervy literal wankers do it all the time.

Men who STARE are creepy horrible and often intimidating.

The other thing I noticed was that it was almost always your body. Up and down. Linger on boobs. Etc. Like you were just a body.
Not wanting to meet your eye? Seeing you like a headless shop dummy? No idea. Creepy.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 23:27

@Guavafish

Not sure why you’re all offended by the truth? Men do stare at teen girls and women, and more so if the were revealing clothes.

Does it make it right - of course not.

A popular porn search in the uk is teens! Why?

Come on guava.

The majority of posters on here are women.

Your assumption we don't know exactly what some men can be like, how young it starts. And that despite the seeming important point about 'sexy clothes' it's usually worse when you're pretty young and in school uniform...

Why do you think we don't know?

Have you forgotten that women/ mums were once girls?!

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 23:27

Yes a very popular search is barely legal/ teens. Also incest.

And?

ScrollingLeaves · 01/08/2021 23:27

“AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

ScrollingLeaves
I think it is true that they find them attractive even though most would never want to act on it ( and would probably try not to look).
Do you find teen boys attractive?”

I don’t agree with the idea that it always works to swop the way a man might think, feel or behave with how a woman would be in the same situation.

I might well notice the physical beauty of a youth, but only in passing like a painting or a statue. Probably men are capable of the same detachment to a degree, but I think it possible quite a few may inadvertently feel some attraction that they vaguely register but instantly reject.