Husband looking at teenage girls

[Candyblosoom1]

I caught my husband (early 40s) looking at teenage girls a few times when we're out.

The girls he looks at are usually wearing mini skirts, shorts or have their breast out.

They look like there are between 15-18 years old.

I remember when I was around 14, I had a few men staring at me even though I always dressed modestly so I'm starting to wonder if that's in men's nature.

I asked one of my friend who's husband thinks his behaviour is normal. That every men are attracted to young girls(15-18) with boobs or nice legs even if they don't want to admit it. It doesn't mean that they will act on it.

Progress eh,
Well we have the men explaining to us that it's natural/normal. Hell it used to be legal having sex with a 13 year old in 1880 - great, that makes it ok then.

Adult women ALL remember that vile feeling of being mentally undressed bu scummy old gits, when I was in my teens I looked at teenage boys, I hated older men leering.
Young girls finder older men in their 30s and 40's repugnant.

Why don't you get it, you may find them attractive but you make them vomit with the leering and staring.

Now why would you want to be looked upon as repulsive and revolting.

Societies by nature do try to evolve, laws are put in place and attitudes change, those that cannot keep up end up being excommunicated and become obsolete.

Try to keep up and evolve with the rest of the human race.

Staring at young girls is uncomfortable for them, it frightens them and makes them feel dirty and unsafe, believe me I remember it well.

It's intimidating and some of the attitudes on here show how animalistic some men are and are a lost cause.
I detest leches, the one good thing about being older is not having men look at you like a piece of meat.

Guavafish I disagree, not all men find kids sexually attractive. What about those men who have teenage daughters? A man without character problems will see a kid as a kid no matter what theyre wearing. Those that stare need to stop watching so much porn. Those that don't see a underdeveloped human being standing there but see a fetish do indeed have character problems. If your husband is staring at underage kids then thats not normal and its very sad that hes convinced you that it is. A grown man staring at an underage girl and making her feel uncomfortable, unsafe is invasive and quite frankly is sexual harassment.

You're getting in s bit of a pickle here aren't you guava.

Moving the goalposts won't help!

'This is the naivety, you honestly believe that most men don’t look at teens and women bodies is totally nonsense.'

The topic is STARING. not looking. Not glancing. STARING.

are you a man or a woman guava?

If you're a man,

Why do you think your insistence that MOST MEN do it

Is definitely the case. When women on here who were girls know that while a too large minority does. The majority DO NOT.

most men do not stare at the bodies of girls from as soon as their bodies start changing.

The worst is when you're in school uniform.

They stare because they KNOW the girl is young. For a variety of reasons they really like that.

You know your behaviour and maybe friends etc.

We have BEEN stared at girls.

Your insistence that we are naive etc when it comes to men staring at girls from the age their body starts to change, is illogical and incomprehensible.

Apologies. You're a woman. Only just caught up.

Out of interest.

I know a reasonable bit about current mainstream porn because I think it's a bad scene all round. For girls for boys etc.

That's how I knew that s really popular category is incest.

What's your interest? I've realised that most women don't tend to know this stuff in general.

Most men, I mean really. Most men. The majority by far.

On seeing s group of early secondary schoolgirls in uniform walking along.

Will NOT stare at their bodies. Or even just the body of one he finds particularly 'nubile'.

And in general most men are capable if they see eg an attractive young woman in skimpy clothes, of glancing. Same as women do. And girls do. Subtle see.

Most men DO NOT STARE at girls and women. They know it's discomforting for her, unsettling, possibly threatening. And they also don't want to seem like a creepy perve.

The ones who STARE (follow, shout at, etc etc) are a different kettle of fish. They know they are doing something that goes against social rules. They don't care. Quite a few of them don't leave it at staring. Because they are horrible creepy perves.

I have never noticed my DH leching over DDs friends.

Guava will say that's because he only does it when I'm not looking.

What happened in your life to make you think all men are like this Guava?

If you've had some bad experiences with men when you were v young then I understand where you're coming from. In that case I don't think this thread is helpful for you though surely.

@Guavafish

No I never said that … I’m stating a fact… that teen porn is one of the top internet porn search. It’s a fact.

Men will look at teens/women especially if they are were revealing clothes. Some will look and other stare.

If it’s ok?… no, especially if your partner is standing next to you.

Well Guava if the men you know do this they are LOOKING wt CHILDREN in revealing clothes qbd sexualising them These men have a problem in that they are sexually attracted to children You need to acknowledge A ) they possibly are a risk to children and need to be reported B) it’s NOT normal C) these teens ARE children ! These men are looking at them because of sexual attraction then if they are looking at their bodies or because of revealing clothes qbd that is a BIG problem and sickness these men you know have

And yes teen porn is common because child sexual abuse and peadophilia is common unfortunately

Common DOES NOT = normal

@Gab2

Guavafish I disagree, not all men find kids sexually attractive. What about those men who have teenage daughters? A man without character problems will see a kid as a kid no matter what theyre wearing. Those that stare need to stop watching so much porn. Those that don't see a underdeveloped human being standing there but see a fetish do indeed have character problems. If your husband is staring at underage kids then thats not normal and its very sad that hes convinced you that it is. A grown man staring at an underage girl and making her feel uncomfortable, unsafe is invasive and quite frankly is sexual harassment.

This and anyone who says it’s normal is either making excuse for men who are or is one themselves IMO

Weird. I get that someone might glance but then generally look away quickly, embarrassed. Definitely not stare.

Your husband is not a 17 year old boy but a grown man. I would be worried if i had a man who gave young girls pervy looks, I was on the receiving end of that often enough.

You're a young woman, you don't have to settle for this. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

@Maggiesfarm

Weird. I get that someone might glance but then generally look away quickly, embarrassed. Definitely not stare.

Your husband is not a 17 year old boy but a grown man. I would be worried if i had a man who gave young girls pervy looks, I was on the receiving end of that often enough.

You're a young woman, you don't have to settle for this. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Yes absolutely OP , NO woman has to settle for this regardless of her age This man sounds horrendous

My 15yo daughter has a 'going to the shops' outfit where she puts on an hugely oversized hoody over whatever else she's wearing, because she is so very OVER being heckled by random blokes, often shouting at her from passing cars.

My 13yo daughter is inclined to wear whatever she's wearing & to yell 'Fuck off' at the same men.

I would prefer that neither of my girls needed to adjust their clothing or yell at unknown men in order not to be harassed on their way to buy a bag of crisps, ffs.

I also know lots of middle aged blokes, because they're my friends, or my colleagues, or my friends' partners, or my dc's dads, & I don't know a single one who'd say 'well yes, actually I rather like gawping at teenage girls, & that's an OK thing to do. Also, I heckle them if I see them going about their business! I enjoy that lots.'

I'm sure, sadly, that some of them do it. But defending it as acceptable behaviour shouldn't be a thing. It's not.

There have been times when I've noticed this behaviour by some men towards my teenage daughter. Very often it was teenage boys. But occasionally it was a man like your husband. It's a look that's designed to intimidate. They know what they're doing. It didn't matter what she was wearing.

The fact that he so openly does it whilst he is with you tells you all you need to know about how much he respects you. You will have a miserable life with this man. Do better. Show yourself some self respect and dump him. He's not only a pervert. He's a gaslighting narcissist who is prepared to openly lie to your face about what you've just witnessed with your own eyes. You are already questioning yourself about behaviours you know full well are unacceptable and that you've witnessed. He's actually said to you that he is not looking at these girls when you've seen him do just that. Pay attention to that.

@NiceGerbil

'Can you explain why you’d not be surprised by it from males, but you would from females? And why this juxtaposition in moral expectations? Why do you have such low expectations of men?'

Experience.

Experience experience experience.

Haven't you noticed that the OPs partner does it and another poster is saying it's totally normal. Esp with the sexy alluring clothes and nubile bodies. And proof- teen porn really popular....

I don't think it's those saying it's not all men it's only creeps are the ones with low expectations of men ..!

Sorry, maybe it’s too early in the morning but I don’t understand your response to me.

Why on earth are people’s expectations on males so low to the point that letching at teenage girls is normalised?

It’s disgusting. It’s not normal. We shouldn’t be giving them free passes

I'm fairly short build, long hair and on occasion still have older men stare at me and look up and down. They generally look away when they see the look of disgust on my face. I left a gym because the heavy weights section was in front of cardiovascular section and there were men who liked to stand in between to perve. The owner tried to create a women's area, which was highly popular, but the men said it was sexist.
I'm now in a gym at more than twice the price and no issues. It shouldn't be that way!

Op, i have just been sat outside a surgery in my car , waiting to collect a prescription - took 25 mins in the end. There is a Co Op next door and there were 2 girls , aged approx 15/16, sitting outside the store with cola and sweets, looking at each others phones etc, minding their own business. Having just read yr thread , I have watched well over 400 cars drive past and all of the males in the passing cars have looked/leered at these girls . Men on their own, men in groups, old men, young men, middle aged men. Men with a female passenger. Men with baby on board stickers on their cars, white vans to people carriers , old bangers to Land Rovers. a whole cross section of men. I can honestly say not one male driver who passed, chose not to look/leer at those girls. Some drivers did spot me sat in my car and looked sheepish when they realised i had seen them looking. My point is , not one of that sample of men i have just seen either failed to notice the girls or more importantly choose to not leer at them. It is unacceptable behaviour but sadly appears common across all walks of life, if judging on what i saw today is anything to go by.

'Why on earth are people’s expectations on males so low to the point that letching at teenage girls is normalised?'

Well that's a massive question and a very long and involved answer encompassing the whole world and a lot of history.

And it is society that turns a blind eye.

Street harrassment levels including men STARING at girls vary around the world.

Men are not different- people are people. It's not the case that in X country the men are born naturally more or less creepy/ entitled.

It's learnt- the lines of what is acceptable differ.. Well not acceptable to most people when discussed, but in practice there's no social consequences. Or they kick in at different levels.

In the UK I'd say it goes quite far with what girls are essentially expected to put up with, that is not seen as serious. That is well that's what men are like you can't do anything.

It's messages from things like the police openly saying flashing is 'low level' and not of interest to them even though it's been known for decades that those men escalate, have loads of victims along the way, and the escalation can and does go up to rape and murder.

While flashing is seen as not a big deal. Then society isn't going to take an openly dim view of the stuff we've talking about here.

@girl71

Op, i have just been sat outside a surgery in my car , waiting to collect a prescription - took 25 mins in the end. There is a Co Op next door and there were 2 girls , aged approx 15/16, sitting outside the store with cola and sweets, looking at each others phones etc, minding their own business. Having just read yr thread , I have watched well over 400 cars drive past and all of the males in the passing cars have looked/leered at these girls . Men on their own, men in groups, old men, young men, middle aged men. Men with a female passenger. Men with baby on board stickers on their cars, white vans to people carriers , old bangers to Land Rovers. a whole cross section of men. I can honestly say not one male driver who passed, chose not to look/leer at those girls. Some drivers did spot me sat in my car and looked sheepish when they realised i had seen them looking. My point is , not one of that sample of men i have just seen either failed to notice the girls or more importantly choose to not leer at them. It is unacceptable behaviour but sadly appears common across all walks of life, if judging on what i saw today is anything to go by.

That literally makes me want to vomit If any man is reading this and knows he does that it would do that he needs serious help

Exactly Nice Gerbil. If men at work stared at their female colleagues like that theyd be up for sexual harassment. Underage girls don't have the rights that adult women do. So adult males see these naive girls as dressing certain ways for them and so stare freely knowing that only adult females are protected in law for sexual harassment which does include staring at breasts and leering. What worries me about underage girls using private taxis is that some are allowed to video and audio tape people in the back of the taxi and rumours have been circulating that these taxi drivers retain this footage and even share it with each other. We don't know who these taxi men are but footage should not be allowed to be kept by them. They shouldnt be allowed to record at all. Why make upskirting a criminal offence but allow taxi men to do this with a recording system? If they record up an underage girls skirt isnt that supposed to be illegal? The stats of taxi men sexually assaulting women and underage girls is on the increase.

Wives may not want to believe this but yes, lust is in men’s nature, but it’s their choice to look “twice” or long and hard or to think about it later or have fantasies. (To let this attraction turn into anything more than a passing thought) I think for many men this is a problem. A lot men in my family are very traditional and highly devoted to their wives but they’re open enough to have confessed to their wives when they’ve lusted and felt guilty. For me personally, I had to find out the hard way through snooping. My husband then confessed he dealt with the desire to watch porn. I’m highly sensitive and a little insecure so I can always tell when he is attracted to another girl. Usually she’s young and pretty. It’s a hard pill to swallow but every husband in the world is going to deal with lust. It does NOT mean they would ever cheat or act on it. But many do act on it with porn. Any man that says he doesn’t lust is a LIAR. And wives would be naive to believe that.

Ewe no OP. And no, not all men are that sleazy. If it were women your own age he was perving it'd be bad enough. You're not even 30, you will easily meet someone better (don't be afraid to dump the shit ones) and have DC.

Ashley - lol nice try.

And sad old men like yourself can't compete with the young men that younger women are interested in. They look at you with the disgust you feel for women who are older than their teens, but magnified a thousand fold. How about you get over that, and stop making an embarrassment of yourself and sickening women both young and older?

I feel for you OP. He is denying either because he genuinely thinks he doesn't do it, or because he knows he does it and he shouldn't.

You've pointed it out to him so if it's the former he should be watching out for it. From what you've said though he just seems to be denying it and continuing.

Does he realise that women know when they're being stared at, that they don't like it, and that in cases like this (him being much older / they are effectively children) they find it particuarly disgusting. They will see him as a sad old man.

If everything else in the relationship was great, and if he listened to your concerns and checked his behaviour, I'd say you might want to give him a chance to change. Otherwise, why stay with someone who shows you such disrespect?