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Original poster

How soon Into a relationship did you have children

209 replies

Overwhelmed245 · 26/04/2021 23:47

I’ve been seeing someone for just under a year. In all my previous dating and relationships it’s never felt like this I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. We both own our own homes I own mine outright though. He’s 28 I’m nearly 27 I’ve always wanted children so has he we’ve discussed it from day one as well as marriage. He’s said he’s ready now for a baby and so am I but would this be too early. I have bad endometriosis and some other issues so trying for a baby sooner rather than later has been suggested by doctors. I just worry I’m going to be judged or something for it being too soon but is there ever a perfect time to have a baby.

OP posts:
PurpleRainDancer · 26/04/2021 23:50

13 Years

Woodlandbelle · 26/04/2021 23:52

I wanted go be married before having children. Met dh at aged 30 and married exactly two years after. Had baby two years after that. So 4 years.

Onthedunes · 26/04/2021 23:52

7 years.

But we were younger.
Sometimes you just know when you've met your match.
There are no rules.

HaNNaHC92 · 26/04/2021 23:57

7 years. I was 25 when my first was born. A child changes the dynamics of a relationship, a lot, no matter how strong or happy you think you may be. Personally I wouldn't be having children after just being with someone for one year.

TheSmallAssassin · 27/04/2021 00:01

We had kids really quickly, but I wish we'd enjoyed ourselves/each other a bit more first. Life changes so much when you have kids, everyone tells you that, but you don't really believe it till it happens.

Make sure you really are on the same page about splitting childcare/housework/finances/how you want to raise your children (the boring, essential stuff). Make sure you've lived together for a bit.

We are still together nearly 18 years later and mostly happy, but I often think more through luck than judgment.

Roberta268 · 27/04/2021 00:04

Get married first.

DisgruntledPelican · 27/04/2021 00:07

12 years for us. I think under a year is too soon but plenty of people have children after not much longer than that. Agree with @TheSmallAssassin that children change your dynamic so much that it’s useful to have a few years of fun, happiness and romance “in the bank” first, as well as having a vague idea of how you and your partner cope with a stressful or pressured situation. Because there will be plenty of that during pregnancy and parenthood.

MajorNeville · 27/04/2021 00:07

3 years. It wasn't planned and I spent 9 months crying as I wanted just one more childfree holiday with dh, ds is 19 and has asked if we'd be ok with him not coming with us anymore, gulp, I'm not ready! (Obviously said that's ok)

imaginethemdragons · 27/04/2021 00:10

10 years.
We were too busy having fabulous holidays and renovating our house to be arsed with kids.

Wanderlusto · 27/04/2021 00:14

He has discussed marriage but suddenly wants a baby first? Why? I'd take that as a red flag tbh. I'd feel it was disrespectful of a man to suggest I have his baby when we arent even married.

Lumene · 27/04/2021 00:17

19 years, 9 of those married.

lavenderlou · 27/04/2021 00:19

6 years. I would have had them sooner but DH wanted to wait. We aren't married but are both financially independent and I continued working after having children to remain so. Make sure you have discussed finances and implications for you taking maternity leave and if one of you wants to reduce hours longer term.

Enough4me · 27/04/2021 00:21

I'm not with DC dad, but we were together for almost 10 years before having DC1. I'd recommend marriage first as it brings financial protection if it goes wrong later and you are the one on reduced hours due to childcare.

sauvignonblue · 27/04/2021 00:22

About 2 years, so it was quick. But we did get married first, which I personally feel is very important given how much having kids will screw up one of your careers (usually the woman). And though it's all worked out well, I also wish we'd waited another year.

RangerOnCall · 27/04/2021 00:23

I cant remember exact date (was a long time ago!) but I think I was pregnant (planned) within 8 months.

We were together 12 years.

Although another post said getarried first - you say your own your home outright ? If you are in a good position financially I wouldn't get married (I didn't and I'm very glad).

Youaremysunshine09 · 27/04/2021 00:25

A few months after we got together. Knew each other since childhood though

RosesAndHellebores · 27/04/2021 00:26

2.5 years until marriage; then 2.5 years until ds1 was born but not for want of trying (miscarriages)

If you aren't committed enough to get married, you aren't committed enough to start a family.

What really surprised me op, after years of making sure I didn't get pregnant is that I can honestly say I have never had unprotected sex and not got pregnant. Sometimes it's swifter than you anticipate.

Opentooffers · 27/04/2021 00:27

Well, marriage could be the way to go first, but if you've got your own homes, it doesn't sound like you even live together yet. If you have more assets than he does, and you earn as much as he does and intend to carry on working ft after may leave,
marriage becomes less vital. If you are going to be the one comprising your career, I would marry first.
Would he move in with you, buy a new home together, or you move in with him and sell/rent yours out? Need to work on living together arrangements as a first step.

weegiemum · 27/04/2021 00:27

10 years.
19/20 when we got together
24 when we married/moved in.
29 when dd1 was born, 31 with ds and 32/33 with dd2.

DramaAlpaca · 27/04/2021 00:30

Five years after we got together, three years after we got married.

Original poster
Overwhelmed245 · 27/04/2021 00:48

Thanks for the advice we would rent together until we decided where we want to live at the moment we spent half the tome at his or mine. I would rent out my flat as I have enough money saved for another deposit he would probably have to sell his flat if we wanted to buy again. We’ve planned a meeting with a mortgage advisor who will advise us on what we can afford

OP posts:
pallisers · 27/04/2021 00:54

@Wanderlusto

He has discussed marriage but suddenly wants a baby first? Why? I'd take that as a red flag tbh. I'd feel it was disrespectful of a man to suggest I have his baby when we arent even married.
this. why is he suggesting you having a baby less than a year into a relationship? Major red flag for me.

I had a baby 4 years after we married and 6 years after we were seriously involved. We needed every single year of that relationship to survive the bomb in our relationship that was having a baby.

He sounds off to me OP, You are young. you aren't in a longterm relationship. Why

Original poster
Overwhelmed245 · 27/04/2021 00:59

He said from day one hes always wanted children by his 30s roughly and because I possibly won’t be able to have kids and my next treatment to try would put me into early menopause it’s really the sooner the better for me

OP posts:
newtb · 27/04/2021 01:01

22 years 20 married

Original poster
Overwhelmed245 · 27/04/2021 01:01

He would happily marry me tomorrow at the register office but he knows I want a wedding in my local church we also discussed a baby and a house being a higher priority for us first than marriage

OP posts:
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