How soon Into a relationship did you have children

[Overwhelmed245]

I’ve been seeing someone for just under a year. In all my previous dating and relationships it’s never felt like this I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. We both own our own homes I own mine outright though. He’s 28 I’m nearly 27 I’ve always wanted children so has he we’ve discussed it from day one as well as marriage. He’s said he’s ready now for a baby and so am I but would this be too early. I have bad endometriosis and some other issues so trying for a baby sooner rather than later has been suggested by doctors. I just worry I’m going to be judged or something for it being too soon but is there ever a perfect time to have a baby.

My grandparents got married in 6 weeks of meeting had a child after 18 months and were happily married for 60 years. It can be luck of the draw.

Got together in the summer, found out I was pregnant in the January. Not planned but it worked for us, we stayed together and were very happy. He already had children from his first marriage (and was the resident parent) so I knew he was ready to be a dad.

Six years

3 years but we’d known each other for several years. I can understand why you don’t want to wait too long but having a baby can put a huge amount of pressure on a relationship and widen any cracks even ones you didn’t know were there

It sounds like you've made up your mind.

But, I would get married first. You can marry in your local church and you can have a wedding now. Baby first will either mean a) you never get round to having the wedding anyway because it costs too much b) you do but you can't do all you wanted because you have a child (or 2) in tow.

If you want a wedding, do that now.

Then get on the baby train.

To answer your questions though. We were together 14 years before we had our son, married 5. We met young, married at your age and then had fertility issues. But our son arrived at the perfect time for us.

11 years together in total, 4 years married, but we met when we were really young.

I would have had a baby before then in a heartbeat but DH wasn't ready.

my next treatment to try would put me into early menopause do you mean a temporary 6 month chemical menopause? So GnRh analogues? I am worried about the phrasing you have used. Have you done a lot of research into your endo? I was diagnosed 20 years ago and even though not much has changed since then, Lupron looks interesting. And yes I did the chemical menopause thing at 27 because my endo was "aggressive".

To answer your question, met Dh when I was 22 and he was 21. Married at 25 pregnant at 28. That was because I was told I would need IVF by my consultant who after Duphaston then chemical menopause plus HRT and then laser lap and dye surgery told me I would never get pregnant naturally. Boom, less than a month later I was pregnant.

Basically I was told to start trying for a baby for my best chances of ever having them but only so they could mark that down as a year from that date they could start the IVF route.

Two things, less than a year into a relationship and talk of babies can be a massive red flag as abusers can keep up a pretence for a while. Secondly, talk to your consultant about your fertility.

I was with ExH for 5 years before having DS1 and only 3 months before I was pregnant with DS2 with new Partner.

Knew we'd be together forever when I met new partner (now DH) so we just got on with it and have been together as a happy blended family ever since (16 years).

Our first child was born 9 months into our relationship but was 2 months premature.
I'm not going to lie, it's been challenging bit we are still together 5 years, 4 more pregnancies, 1 more baby and recently married.
I dont know anyone else who is still together after having a baby before 2 years so we are very much the exception and not the rule. What helps is that we are on the same page about everything and support each other wholeheartedly, without that I'd be a single mother for sure

Met 2010, married 2011, dd1 2012, dd2 2013, divorced 2018! Too many red flags that I ignored as I thought I was running out of time at 30...

Sister, 10 years then split when dn was 3 months old

Anything can happen

About a year. We knew each other for a few years before we got together and knew when we did it would be for keeps. We didn't move in together until 8 months PG. (He had a flat in central London and I commuted through London so it was perfect to stay there to break up the commute!).

Now 3 kids, a house purchase together 3 years ago, a wedding 2 years ago. We followed none of the MN rules.....and I'm a SAHM!!!

About 18 months before finding out I was pregnant. We were both early 30s and discussed not forcing it but just seeing what happened. We ran through some diff scenarios such as. We could wait til it's socially acceptable and end up not able to have any but just make the most of being together. We could wait until it's socially acceptable and end up not able to have any, and end up splitting up because it's too straining for us both. We could have a child relatively quickly and be together 10 years have say an 8 year old and it not work out so we co parent. We could be together forever and have a child and be perfectly happy. The realisation was that anything could happen so we just took a chance.

After only a few months together we were spending every night at either his house or mine so moved in together quite quickly, we didn't get married until DD was 5.

It's all worked out amazingly, but he's a hen's teeth of a man, pulls more than his own weight with childcare, pulls his weight with housework and life admin, we are financially equal, both earn a decent wage almost equivalent to each other. I went part time for a while and money was family money (he never ever moaned at me about spending his money because it was ours).

With another man it might have been a totally different story but I hit lucky with this one, however through all of this I didn't know he would turn out like he has I just took a chance.

OP, it sounds like you're very aware that in your circumstances things may take longer. Whilst I wish you to get pg quickly and have a healthy pregnancy, this may not happen and so personally I'd go for it soon. However, do make sure you are legally protected first, whatever this means to you, whether it's marriage and making sure you share your assets snd have responsibilities coming with it, or through making sure you have enough money and your assets are protected. You should definitely live together first as well, know his family well I'd say and be transparent about the key things, money, house, career plans, location where you want to live etc. So maybe go for it when you're comfortable with it all, give it another 6-12 months to test the waters?

DH and I were engaged after 8 months, married after 1.5 years and I'm expecting a baby due on our 8th anniversary of getting together. Not through lack of trying- I was pregnant and MCd several times, we would have become parents 5 years after getting together which has been very hard. None of us have any health issues either.

One thing I would say is if you know you have a potential fertility issue, make sure you trust him enough to support you throughout. It can be a very tough journey on you both, he needs to be the right guy for it, so if you have a shadow of a doubt, don't do it for this resson alone.

I think I'd rent with him for 6 months, discuss finances, spend time with family now you can, get married in the registry office and book a wedding ahead with an option to postpone which I suspect many will allow now, and TTC. You're unlikely to have a wedding of your dreams for a while now and whilst it might be difficult to accept at 27, trust me, this isn't as important as you think now, and I'd bet many other posters will tell you the same in hindsight. It's one of those things you often look at and think in hindsight yes, it was nice, but it probably needed far less stress, effort and money and it would have been great anyway. It's not where, how much, how many people etc. that matters but marrying the right guy. Sounds trvial but it is so true. So don't get too hung up on other things. Good luck.

About 16 months. It wasn’t planned. We did get married and we’re still together, but we’re really not a good match. We definitely wouldn’t be together now had I not got pregnant so early on. I have endometriosis too and although I fell pregnant very easily first time around it took us 6 years of trying the second time.

If you aren't committed enough to get married, you aren't committed enough to start a family.

I’d say that after 25 years together and several DC that my children’s Dad and I are committed to one another.
We’re not married though.

I would live with him for a while and get to know him better. Get to know his friends and family. I also know its a better idea to be married from a legal point of view before having a child. You don't know what can happen in the future but marriage gives you all more rights especially if things go wrong or if one of you needs medical treatment or died suddenly.

I would not rush into having a child. I watched a man I know rush into a relationship and a pregnancy with a woman he knew a few months. The dream and reality were different than he expected.
The child is young and he loves them but I know that his relationship with her is not great. I have a feeling that if she did not get pregnant they may have broken up due the type of person that she is. I also heard a few things about her that would be raising red flags.

I ruined my life by getting pregnant only a year into our relationship.

I thought I knew him but really didn't.

He said from day one he wanted to get married but once I was pregnant he never mentioned that again. I got trapped.

We weren't living together and if I'd seen what he was like domestically I'd never have lived with him!

People put on a show when they are dating. I was naive.

Once you have a baby you are stuck with him regardless if you want to continue a relationship or not.

12 years, 7 of those married. We met at 24 when we were students, then we moved around the country postdocing for a few years before I got a permanent job and we bought a house. You have plenty of time, get married first, and buy a house then have children. The first of those can be done cheaply, the other two not so much.

3.5 years in. DH was told we'd never conceive naturally so we wanted to start ivf while time was on our side. We'd already got married and bought a house so it felt like the right time

2 years. But we were in our mid to late thirties when we met so time wasn't on our side! We're still together 10 years later with one child.

@Overwhelmed245

He would happily marry me tomorrow at the register office but he knows I want a wedding in my local church we also discussed a baby and a house being a higher priority for us first than marriage

No, don't do this. Marriage should be the highest priority.

13 months when our first was born. Still together

2 years. I’d consider enjoying yourselves for a few more years.

Married after 6 years, DS1 born a year later. Just had DS2, we’ve been together 11 years in October (married for 5 then also)

We met when i was 28, him 24, had first child at 31 and 27. So three years together when I gave birth.

I wouldn’t judge at all tbh, people have babies in all kinds of circumstances, from one night stands where they remain single to flings where they make a go of it, to couples who’ve been together for years. And you have good reason to try soon (I’m in the same boat: stage four endo so didn’t have time to hang around). I would definitely make sure you marry first though and give it another year before trying. You really need to know this guy, you’re gonna be tied to him for life.