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Original poster

How soon Into a relationship did you have children

209 replies

Overwhelmed245 · 26/04/2021 23:47

I’ve been seeing someone for just under a year. In all my previous dating and relationships it’s never felt like this I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. We both own our own homes I own mine outright though. He’s 28 I’m nearly 27 I’ve always wanted children so has he we’ve discussed it from day one as well as marriage. He’s said he’s ready now for a baby and so am I but would this be too early. I have bad endometriosis and some other issues so trying for a baby sooner rather than later has been suggested by doctors. I just worry I’m going to be judged or something for it being too soon but is there ever a perfect time to have a baby.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 27/04/2021 01:02

OP, and I mean this kindly. You own your flat outright; he has a large mortgage. It doesn't sound like there is a plan to buy together yet. Are you absolutely sure he owns his flat and is being straight with you? There's something amiss here - he may be trying to take advantage of you financially or wriggle out of a difficult situation by tying you in before coming clean.

If you have to ask if you are doing the right thing then you are persuading yourself you are. If it's the right thing you don't have to ask and know in your heart.

Red 🚩I fear OP. Take care.

Original poster
Overwhelmed245 · 27/04/2021 01:17

He definitely owns his own house I’ve helped him with a few bits with the house by helping I mean I helped him look for a new bathroom suit and have seen paper work regarding the house. Hes recently started to earn extremely well he actually now earns way more than I ever will and his salary will continue to rise if we rented he would be paying the nearly all the rent he’s also made it clear that I should keep my flat for myself and rent it out for me to have as my own income. I’ve also lived with an ex before and we had a cohabitation agreement and my partner knows I would have one again this time round he’s even suggested it so we both get to have our own money

OP posts:
Onedropbeat · 27/04/2021 01:37

Exactly a year after we got together and about 5 months after moving in with each other

We got married after baby arrived

That was 4 years ago and we’ve since had a second, bought and renovated a house and are now thinking what to do next

(No more kids!)

RaeRaeMama · 27/04/2021 01:59

We waited five years then got pregnant right away... she's two months old

It's up to you ultimately, I would wait at least a couple more years personally though

laravix · 27/04/2021 02:08

7 years, married for 2

omgwhy · 27/04/2021 02:15

Op sorry for derailing the thread, but please do lots of reading on the drugs they are suggesting for endometriosis control (Lupron) etc. And do lots of research about wide excision surgery there really isn't a need for early menopause for endometriosis you could find your best route is surgery with a specialist. Look up Peter Barton smith (london)

Oh and 4 years! We met, moved country, married and had our first within 4 years.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 27/04/2021 03:19

In the year that you've been in a relationship what have you been able to experience together?? Travel? Socialising with family and friends? Live gigs or festivals? Enjoy your time together before being tied down

ScottishStardust · 27/04/2021 03:24

You've been together for a year... the last year has not been the norm for anyone! Did you know him previously - what's he like or covid times? Have you met his friends and family and seen him in these situations etc.

Personally, I would look at taking the best step of moving in together before even discussing children. Living with a partners is very different than spending half your time at theirs.

pooonastick · 27/04/2021 04:09

Pregnant 8 months after meeting. I was 36. Always wanted kids. Kids are 12 and 14 now. Still happy. Some of it is judgement, some is luck as you never know how you or the other person will change in the future.

Laserbird16 · 27/04/2021 04:21

There is no perfect time to have a baby but it's very important have a good relationship before you do. You haven't lived together yet, I'd do that first. The process of negotiating where to live, who does what around the house, attitude to money etc will give you some solid information about who you're enmeshing your life with forever. Plus parenting is hard have a bit more fun together before you start on that road.

category12 · 27/04/2021 05:14

I'd hangfire another year - this relationship has been all through a pandemic, you don't know how well it will work in normal life.

whiteroseredrose · 27/04/2021 05:21

We married after 3 years and had DS less than a year later.

My DM married my DStepF within a year of meeting him and it has worked out very well.

stopchewingeverything · 27/04/2021 05:49

Together 4 years when we got pregnant...had lived together for 3.5 years including moving countries. I would definitely say live together for a while first...I don't believe you ever truly know someone if you haven't lived with them and their habits. And you definitely need to be on the same page in regards to finance...so many women find themselves in a deficit with pensions, working part time and paying for childcare etc when it should be looked at prior so that you aren't disadvantaged.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 27/04/2021 05:52

We got together when I was 23, married at 25 and first child at 29. I do think you should be together a good while and have lived together for maybe a year to know that the relationship works before making such a huge, irreversible step. Personally I'm a big advocate of marriage before children too but I know that view is old fashioned now.

Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 27/04/2021 06:02

We started trying after being together 10 months. Both of us talked and was a mutual choice. We get married next year and our son will be 3 then. We couldn't be happier. It does work out for some people not others regardless of how long you wait as having a child does change you. Only you can make the choice if its right for you!

FluffyPJs · 27/04/2021 06:09

We met Dec 2003, I was pregnant by Oct 2004, but that sadly ended at 16 weeks. Then I was pregnant again and DS was born Feb 2006. We got married when DS was 7 months old, still happily married now. Sometimes you just know!

Pyewackect · 27/04/2021 06:13

3 years , married at 22 , first child 9 months later. Totally unplanned and I was always so careful with birth control.

MrsPworkingmummy · 27/04/2021 06:22

2 and a half years.... But, it was far too soon. We'd both split from previous partners and his divorce took 18 months to go through. In hindsight, i wish we'd done more together beforehand. Saying that, she's 9 now. We have a 3 year old too and are happily married and renovating a house.

TreacsPotNoodle · 27/04/2021 06:24

8 months when I fell pregnantBlush it was unplanned but we both love DS more than anything in the world and wouldn't change a thing.
We are still together now

InsanelyPregnantAndSore · 27/04/2021 06:29

Tbh we were quite fast when I think about it.
I was mid twenties and DH early 30’s. We were engaged after 10 months (6 living together) and married 8 months later.
Returned from an extended honeymoon with DS on the way. He’s 13 months now and we are expecting DD in the next few weeks Grin

All I would say is we were lucky enough to earn so well that we could travel/live life and do things whilst also buying a family home and paying for a wedding. We did most of the stuff we wanted to and god I’m glad we did as you really will never have a bigger strain on a relationship than babies. TRUST ME

Reclinehard · 27/04/2021 06:33

2 years, by accident. Luckily we landed on our feet and are about to buy a house and try for another. As long as you have homes and reliable income and are serious about eachother.. Although have you lived together?

Also to PP saying get married first, this just isn't what people do anymore. When homes and weddings are so expensive you have to prioritise.

Mammymar · 27/04/2021 06:33

8 years, we were married, had our own home and savings. Personally I think just under a year is too soon.

autumnboys · 27/04/2021 06:41

9 years together, 4 married.

Please do give some thought to be married first. Babies do make a difference to career prospects, especially if you are going to SAH for any time. I was at hone for about 8 years. DS1 will be 18 this year and after 9 years back at work I’m just about earning what I was when I took maternity leave.

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 27/04/2021 06:42

About 9 months here! In most circumstances, I think it is best to wait a couple of years so that you can experience living together, really get to know them and doing nice things with each other first. However, I also believe that if you know, then you know!

cookiecreampie · 27/04/2021 06:43

I already had children when we met, fell pregnant with my fourth baby about 2 months into the relationship. We hadn't even been together a year when he was born. We're married now.