Single women statistically happier - how/why?

[flowersrain]

I am interested to know your thoughts on this. I have read a few times that single women are happier than those who are coupled up/married. As a single woman whose friends are all in relationships, this simply just does not ring true for me. All my friends who are in relationships have coped better with the lockdown than I have and it seems that society is build for two - even when you go shopping in the supermarket, a lot of food is packaged for 2/4 - it is very hard to find single portions. And of course the 'single tax' eg a hotel room costs more for a single person than a couple.

I have been single since October 2020 and, whilst I understand the importance of being happy on your own, it has been a very lonely time with no one to share the vicissitudes of life and, and particularly lockdown, with. It's all very well doing acts of self care, eating what I want when I want, doing what I want when I want etc but without someone to share it with it feels a bit hollow.

I simply can't understand how single women can be happier than those who are coupled up/married - no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

Do you think these statistics about single women being happier are true, and if so, how/why? I am 30 (nearly 31) and aware that I may not ever meet 'my person' so I need to be ok with a potential life of singlehood. How can I reach the point where I am as happy, if not happier, than those who are in relationships?

A lot of single women will be divorced women in their 50s+. In my experience most of these women do not want a live in partner again. They’ve done their time being skivy to everyone and are relieved to finally be able to do as they please.

Been single 11 yrs and still love it, just me, my 21 and 23 yr old.

I have to say that the single women I know are amongst the happiest of my friends and family. I can think of one exception to this.
The ones that are happy seem to be so because they can please themselves.
Statistically we die younger if we get married, marriage is largely encouraged by men because it suits them. It’s actually bad for women. I presume because rather than having it all, we end up doing it all.
I was desperate to get married, and did, aged 20 - which was too young. But if I had my time again I definitely wouldn’t get married at that point and maybe not at all.
I think it’s harder in lockdown if you are single though - although also maybe also hard if you are locked down with someone you don’t like.

1.Living with someone else can be hard - even if you actually like them

1. Quite a lot of men are complete knobheads to live with

All my friends work full time or near enough and do easily more than 50% of the Childcare and housework too. Plus they carry the emotional baggage for the whole family.
Honestly - having it all means doing it all.

I believe it’s single childless women, suppose to be the happiest. But yeh I agree all my single friends don’t seem very happy and are all desperate for relationships

There is a difference between the statement that "single women are happier" and "all single women are happier".

It follows then that it can be simultaneously true that single women are happier than married women and also be true that you as an individual are not happy with your life.

I think your age is relevant - being single if you want a family is difficult but once you've raised a family (and perhaps compromised on a partner to have a family) singleton is not a bad life choice.

Men still benefit from marriage whereas many women have to deal with the drudgery so life isn't as easy for them.

I know of a happy married couple however the woman still makes more compromises for the marriage. Despite being highly qualified she will defer decisions to him that I think she could make on her own. She does that for harmony. There are tangible benefits to life as a couple (such as finances) but there are also downsides. Some people are fortunate as they find a partner early on in life and the compromises are minor..that's probadly preferable but if not then I think single life has a lot going for it.

It will be interesting to see if the census confirms the rise of single households as it's been a trend for a while.

I think I am the happiest out of me and my friends unless they just hide their life joy quite well. I am single but dating, I was still more upbeat than most of my friends seemed when I wasn't dating. They had their turn to be super happy and excited when their relationships were new, when their relationships were developing and when they were planning their weddings and babies, for most of my friends the partners they adored now bring various issues which have slowly drained the life from them. No one universal cause, but problems that become more evident when they have joint responsibilities.

I was single when my Son was born and I remember hearing their gripes about their partners not pulling their weight and thinking that even though everything is on me with my child and there is no help, that I'm so glad I didn't have the resentment towards someone who is there and supposed to be helping but not pulling their weight. Resentment is exhausting, the feeling that you should be being treated better is exhausting. If it wasn't for money and self confidence I think the majority of my friends would be single now too, men just don't seem to become happier or more easy going with age.

Being single is far better than being married to the wrong person. Don't be jealous of family units, you never know how women's lives are going behind closed doors, living with a man does not mean they are happier.
I've been living with my son for 13 years, but do have my bubble guy so not lonely in lockdown, best of both worlds as far as I can see - except for being poor, one wage all that time and no child support payments ever.

And now for the science bit!

A lot of us single women have experienced relationships that turned out far from ideal so they now appreciate being on their own. I used to so long for a fulfilling relationship when I was single. Met someone I finally thought was it, even he turned out to be a knob. As Ive been there and done that so many times, I'm now relieved that I am single. Though I do have 2 DC and a dog so am not totally on my own. EVen so I know I will absolutely never live with a man again.

All of my main relationships and have been shit, abusive and affected me mentally. Resulting in potential normal relationships failing due to previous damages.

After trying to form relationships due to it being an expectation, and realising it affects my MH really badly each time I decided to stop and accept being single. I am so so much better for it. I am 34, a single mother and I have no plans on finding someone to share my life with. I cant see it happening

I think, as a pp said, it is women who have previously been in very LTR or married who feel happier. My marriage ended over a decade ago, when I was in my early 30s and after the initial horror, I have been single and happy every since. I appreciate that I have been married and have a child so there may be an unintended 'smug singleton' element about this. I don't want to be someone's priority as I CBA prioritising them. I don't want to share experiences, I want to please myself. Single is perfect for me, but I have had the other side too, so I completely understand your POV.

Looking back I've found being in relationships a little hollow tbh (and that's the good ones). I think 'is this all there is' ? I mean I know it would be different with the 'right person' but as is, I'd rather be single for now.

On the odd occasion I do get lonely, its not exactly the worst feeling. Being trapped or feeling smothered or obligated is waaaaay worse for me.

I think it's more about freedom than happiness. I find my happiness in freedom.

In my case, it’s because I’m no longer filled with the rage at the other adult in my house being a useless fucking lump.

I still do everything myself, but I can also do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, how I want (pre Covid, and around my DC and work).

I don’t have to consider anyone else’s needs or wants.

I’m 34 and I will never live with a man ever again.

It’s been 5 years now, single the entire time, all my friends are happily married to men I respect and get along with, but even the most banal complaints about them make me shudder and feel glad I won’t ever have to do that again.

For me it would be because they don't have to put up with anyone else's demands on their time, money, energy and can please themselves. They only have to sort out their own life, not the latest catastrophe caused by someone else. Personally I am happier, more financially stable and content on my own. Think this could be due to the men I have picked but ime the men that add something of value to your life rather than taking it away are few and far between.

Recently single after 30 yrs & loving the friendships that are much more fulfilling than my marriage ever was. I guess it's about you. What you want and need. My friend has just gone after 25 hrs together and I've had the best time - talking, eating, drinking, cycling, walking....and now I get to chill out alone with my dogs. I can switch off. Have me time. Bliss.

Been there, done it, got the t-shirt (married) but fortunately divorced by mid 20s and no kids to drag me down.

Being coupled (in whatever form) and being single are lifestyle choices. Single households are on the rise yet it is disgusting the extent to which singles subsidize couples and families.

Council tax is just one example.

Single supplements in hotels are another. I have always bargained hard and assertively for better terms - and got them when traveling independently. If you arrive in a non tourist destination at 2 am then you will probably just want to fall into bed after a long flight. But the next morning I am asking the desk manager to have the room boy show me every spare room and bargaining hard for an upgrade. After all I can always go elsewhere. It amazing what bargains you can get when you avoid the package holidays with their "free child" this and that.

I think these women know what it's like to have had their freedoms stomped on, constricted and taken away. And niw know no man is worth that. Or even feel they are worth the risk tbh.

The unbridled joy at being able to live how you want in your own space...right now you might think 'ok it's great but whars the big deal?' but if there was a time where you were deprived of it then you would value it a lot more.

You have read that single women are happier than married women but everyone seems to forget the fact that the study found that women were happiest in following descending order:

Single child free women
Married women with children
Married women with no children
Single women with children

You can’t talk about who is happiest without considering the fact the study looked at both women with and without children.

So basically, child free women are happiest if single, but mothers are happiest if married.

When you think of the prevalence of abuse and coercion suffered by women partnered up with men, it's hardly surprising singletons are generally happier - sad, but true.

I’m single and in my 30s. I love it and truly believe I’m happier than many of my friends. I have felt very lucky to live alone over the past year of lockdown. Some of the things you mention in your OP don’t ring true for me but I am very lucky to have good friends so I have no shortage of people to share experiences with and don’t feel like I have nobody ‘on my team’
Assuming all single people are unhappy is the same as assuming all people in relationships are happy. You only need to read these boards to see that that’s clearly not the case.

PlanDeRaccordement

Exactly, it’s single child free women that are said to be the happiest. Not just single women.

I’m an exception to the rule it seems then, but I fled DV and went to a top flight University with 3DC in tow which I never would have done had I stayed with him. I start my PhD in September