Single women statistically happier - how/why?

[flowersrain]

I am interested to know your thoughts on this. I have read a few times that single women are happier than those who are coupled up/married. As a single woman whose friends are all in relationships, this simply just does not ring true for me. All my friends who are in relationships have coped better with the lockdown than I have and it seems that society is build for two - even when you go shopping in the supermarket, a lot of food is packaged for 2/4 - it is very hard to find single portions. And of course the 'single tax' eg a hotel room costs more for a single person than a couple.

I have been single since October 2020 and, whilst I understand the importance of being happy on your own, it has been a very lonely time with no one to share the vicissitudes of life and, and particularly lockdown, with. It's all very well doing acts of self care, eating what I want when I want, doing what I want when I want etc but without someone to share it with it feels a bit hollow.

I simply can't understand how single women can be happier than those who are coupled up/married - no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

Do you think these statistics about single women being happier are true, and if so, how/why? I am 30 (nearly 31) and aware that I may not ever meet 'my person' so I need to be ok with a potential life of singlehood. How can I reach the point where I am as happy, if not happier, than those who are in relationships?

Exactly! Sympathies littlesthobo

I was at my happiest in the early years of my marriage but unfortunately it didn't last. Now at 50+ with my children almost off my hands 🤞 I can say I am extremely happy to be single and have remembered who I was before I got married.
I have no desire to get hooked up again, I definitely think women generally make more compromises in relationships and its been very freeing to be on my own again once I got over the heartache.

Yes fifty plus after a thirty year marriage, I am very happily single and will remain so. Exh still thinks that I dumped him to look for somebody else but the truth is I dumped him because he was a selfish, lazy knob who has put me off men for life. I can't believe how much easier life is now I don't have to carry that dead weight about.

You need to look at how these surveys/research topics are constructed to see how they get their results.
It is usually self reporting on a questionnaire or interview with answers given grading.
Self reporting is notoriously unreliable.
Also socio economic status and personal bias is often given weight by the researchers that may not be made obvious in reporting findings.
So "How many times in the past three months have you attended a paid event for social/personal reasons?"
Single childless women are more likely to give a higher number answer to this question than single women with children.
It doesn't mean they are happier it just means they have the resources/time to attend paid for events for fun.
For some people it may actually make then unhappy, that they have to pay to attend events to spend time with people because they live alone.
Conversely a single mother with children may not be able to afford paid for events but be perfectly happy with their life.
But the interpretation will usually match a higher number answer to a question like this to a positive indicator for happiness.
The answer to being happy in any state is in the words of Anne of Green Gables to find "kindred spirits".
Also, strive for contentment in life it is much more attainable and durable than happiness.
Where you live, work, who you spend time with, what you spend time doing all of these will contribute to your overall contentment.
So have a think about what you need to be content in those areas and start trying to make them happen.

Marriage is mostly for men.

I'm much happier single than I ever was in a relationship.

When it came down to it, they really didn't offer that much but. They just brought more work, stress, sadness to my life. I always had to make myself smaller and accommodate them.

If I were going to live with someone again, it would be a female friend.

If marriage is mainly for men then why is it mainly women wanting to marry and men not 🤔

Single child-free woman of 52.
Not for all the riches in the whole world I would want a live-in parrtner ever again. Every now and again I have a kind of friend-with-benefits, but even those are short lived because I find most men boring, uninteresting and unimaginative.
I do have many friends, both male and female and I am a very happy person.
If you wonder, read all the questions on this board: you soon know why having a man in your life is not worth the hassle.

@Givemeabreak88

If marriage is mainly for men then why is it mainly women wanting to marry and men not 🤔

Its always been the men I've been with in my case and I've always been against it

I'm single (and a mum to one DD) and wouldn't have it any other way. I love my relationship with DD, love my own space, doing my own thing, finding the house the way I left it. Never say never, but I'm not looking for another relationship and can't really imagine ever sharing a house again (with someone other than my DD, that is) ! I can totally see why others love being married / with a partner, though. I just think I'm more suited to single life.

I'm in a long term relationship and whilst its good, it still comes with its price. Compromise mainly and irritation. If this ends I will stay single forever. I mean it too.
However I am 50 odd. In my twenties when I was single all I wanted to be was in a couple. I foolishly put my life on hold waiting for Mr Right (I assumed I'd buy a house with this fictitious man) instead of making my own way in the world. So stupid.

I'm similar to you OP. I absolutely made the best of being single, which I was for 2.5 years before meeting my DP - was always off on trips including solo holidays, visiting friends, having fun, bought a house alone etc. But I always felt lonely and like something was missing. I'm a real extrovert and living alone was hard sometimes. I'm so much happier now.

But you're so young still, you're bound to meet someone and it's also been especially hard this year for singles due to Covid. Have you tried the 'joy of being single' book? And try to appreciate the small enjoyable things whilst you can as well.

Having said all that, I really do think you'll meet someone!

Well going by what I’ve seen on here and everyone I know irl it’s definitely not the men pushing for marriage is it, you’re only basing it on you.

Oh but I also should have said, FAR better to be single than with the wrong person. Lonely sometimes when single is far far better than trapped and unhappy with the wrong person. Hold out for someone great

I'd like to see those figures disaggregated by income. Bringing up children in poverty is very different to bringing up children with a comfortable wage coming in and I suspect a lot of single parents unhappiness is down to poverty rather than not having a partner. I'm a very happily single parent - professional job, no money problems - and have escaped from violence and abuse. Reading the pages on here I'm always so thankful that I don't have to do any of that and that I'm not feeling resentful at being used as a skivvy.

I'm in a midway position, and fairly happy. I have a part time partner who I see a few days a week, with no intention to move in together. I like having my own space and time to myself, and I like seeing dp.

I’m in my early 40s, am single and childfree, both by choice. I will never have a committed relationship or live with someone. I value things like my freedom and independence too much to compromise. I don’t want ‘someone on my team’ I want to go it alone, I’m independent. I don’t want to be ‘someone’s priority’, that feels smothering to me and neither do I want to have to compromise and make someone else my priority all the time. I adore solitude and love nothing more than coming home to an empty house, which is exactly as I left it, closing the door and relishing the peace and sanctuary I find there. I have great friends, I have a few lovers, I have close family, but I neither want nor need a relationship.

You only became single a few months ago though? So I would imagine it takes a while to adjust (depending on relationship length etc). Plus you are young. A lot of younger women want to meet someone, there is biological and social pressure.

I feel happiest neither married nor single - I like a partner who is loving, and who lives apart from me / gives me some space. I'm 40 (and a parent).

I love being single, I feel completely liberated married twice to unsuitable men. Much, much happier without the oppressive presence of a selfish man child draining my emotional and financial resources. Never again will I compromise my home life. It's too comfortable!

Women instigate the majority of divorces (70%+ I think) presumably because they think they'll be happier than being married. These people are likely to be more financially independent and have/had a family.

Obviously the above is a generalisation but there is a large different between having been married and divorcing later on in life vs having never been married/not had a family.

From my experience most women want to get married at some point whereas men aren't that fussed.

I think you are forgetting all the disadvantages of being in a couple for the woman
Thé fâche doing all the emotional work
She Is als doing most/all of hw, parenting etc...
The fact your choices can often come second to the ones of your partner
Potential lack of financial independence.

I think if most women are happier it’s because all those negative sides outweigh the positives (intimacy, some safety from being able to ‘team up’ etc)
Becoming single in the middle of the pandemic is different too.

@Boonlark part time partner

@sammylady37 ...I have Great friends, a few lovers, I have a close family

I'd be happy with the above too!

The good things about men used to be sex, money and safety. Not needed for safety any more. In fact it's the opposite. Despite recent news, things are ok. I go to restaurants with kids all the time, or covid.

Most women earn their own money.

That just leaves sex and that is far too materialist and based on looks now to be in any way a pleasant experience. I'd need a lot of plastic surgery to ever go there again. My boobs are very droopy for a start.

Pre covid

My single girlfriends in their 30s are feeling a lot of pressure to build a relationship with someone and have babies etc.

My girlfriends who are a bit older and either long term single or divorced are so happy about it! They love their independence, some especially after crappy marriages, and with a lot of their friends in relationships that require a lot of compromise they feel lucky as far as I understand it.

Maybe it's a timing thing op

I've been single for 4 years. I'm genuinely happy because I can relax

No-one to criticise or undermine me
No-one complaining about lockdown or being bored
No-one telling me to replace the car or the fence or the bathroom
No-one asking why DS is with us every weekend - err, because it's his home.

Instead I can cook what I like, I can watch what I like on TV, I can wear what I like
I can have music as loud as I like and dance in the kitchen with DS.
No-one complains about me getting up to do the school run (like I have a choice!)

I've never met a man who wasn't totally selfish and didn't keep pushing for more with no consideration for anyone except himself. It's a relief to be rid of them.