Single women statistically happier - how/why?

[flowersrain]

I am interested to know your thoughts on this. I have read a few times that single women are happier than those who are coupled up/married. As a single woman whose friends are all in relationships, this simply just does not ring true for me. All my friends who are in relationships have coped better with the lockdown than I have and it seems that society is build for two - even when you go shopping in the supermarket, a lot of food is packaged for 2/4 - it is very hard to find single portions. And of course the 'single tax' eg a hotel room costs more for a single person than a couple.

I have been single since October 2020 and, whilst I understand the importance of being happy on your own, it has been a very lonely time with no one to share the vicissitudes of life and, and particularly lockdown, with. It's all very well doing acts of self care, eating what I want when I want, doing what I want when I want etc but without someone to share it with it feels a bit hollow.

I simply can't understand how single women can be happier than those who are coupled up/married - no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

Do you think these statistics about single women being happier are true, and if so, how/why? I am 30 (nearly 31) and aware that I may not ever meet 'my person' so I need to be ok with a potential life of singlehood. How can I reach the point where I am as happy, if not happier, than those who are in relationships?

Single people can please themselves. If they don't know how to please themselves, they need to learn.

Food packaged for 2 is a portion for today and another portion for tomorrow or the day after.

If you see it as an indication that you should be in a relationship, you need a rethink.

Looking back I was happier single and childfree. The only thing which really made me unhappy was the feeling of missing out on a family. Now I have that family I dream about the days when I was free.

I can totally understand it. My whole life has been largely dancing to someone else's tune; childhood, husband, children, work , elderly relatives. I absolutely adore and am devoted to my family but I can certainly see that I would be able to express myself better if I were on my own. I hope that doesn't sound as if I am sorry for myself because I'm not. I was brought up like this and having a family and a fulfilling career that I love is a privilege. It is just a fact.

I certainly think this is true. Others have given the many reasons why.

If we know this to be true, then why are so many women my age desperate to find someone and settle down?

I love it, it's been coming up for 15 years now I'm so happy

I don’t know any single women !

@flowersrain because you want kids & focusing on your biological clock - what you don’t have rather than what you do.

@flowersrain

If we know this to be true, then why are so many women my age desperate to find someone and settle down?

Deeply ingrained societal expectations? If it’s subtly enforced by media and general life that being single is an inferior state of being or a failure then some single women may internalise that and think badly of themselves for being single. It’s about self image rather than wanting a partner. Or if she wants children and is single then it might feel like a race against time to find someone to procreate with.

I’m single with a few single friends and none of us are desperate to find someone to settle down with - one is looking into adoption as a single woman as she doesn’t particularly like relationships (had a boyfriend last year and as soon as he mentioned marriage and kids she freaked out and dumped him).

@TedMullins yes, there are two things to deal with for women pressured to get married. 1) is obviously their own level of contentment/loneliness/bravery when they are in their own company and contemplate the future as a single woman, and 2 - adjusting to being perceived as an object of some pity in society's eyes, dealing with other people's perceptions of you. It was definitely 2 that I struggled with. I was happy and content but society convinced me i needed fix that

@WiseOwlOne yes I relate to that, even though I AM happy and content being single - far happier than I’ve ever been in a relationship. While I am sad that I’ve never experienced a healthy relationship, I don’t feel like it’s essential that I look for one. I think it helps having other single female friends who are happy to be single too, we’re each other’s cheerleaders. I don’t tend to talk about anything relationship-related with my friends who are coupled up, because they tend to be more of the ‘you’ll meet the right one one day!’ types, which implies I’m waiting to meet this mythical right one (I’m not) or think my life would be improved by meeting them (it wouldn’t). They’re good friends and haven’t become those people who bring their partner to everything but I think because their experience of relationships has been largely positive they can’t quite compute that being single can be as good as, if not better, than being in a couple for some people. Little things like that do reinforce the self-image wobbles, and even the phrase ‘settling down’ - I can’t stand it, it implies being single is some temporary, frivolous state of being.

Women are told by society you need a child to feel complete.

Yes @TedMullins, after id said in conversation a couple of years ago that i was not looking any more, i saw it as the calm resolution to a decade wasted searching... a friend who knows me and likes me told me not to "give up" as though my life is a continuous hopelessness! I felt misunderstood on behalf of single women! And shocked to get that image of how single women my age are seen thrown in to my head! i said "the Happy Ending here is that i realise im happy on my own! That's my happy ending!". I may have sounded dramatic and i dont think i changed anybody else's views, because really, you have to go through quite a lengthy process as a single person to get this epiphany!

Wrt children and being a mother, i realise now that i had children with a wrongun because i was scared id be miserable if i was not a mother!! I fell for that narrative. I love them etc. Not regretting them but well aware i fell for that narrative and made my life harder for a long time. I could have done a lot with my freedom, and i know i will have no trouble finding fulfilling things to do when i get more freedom as they go to university etc but maybe i wouldnt have valued that freedom if id never lost it.

@flowersrain

If we know this to be true, then why are so many women my age desperate to find someone and settle down?

I know some that are but I probably know more that aren’t. Maybe the ones looking to settle down are just more noticeable, it’s more likely that people would express their desire to meet someone etc, than that someone who is happily living alone and has zero maternal instinct would mention it a lot.

I only finally understood it to be true after i entered in to yet another McRelationship like taylor swift "dying to see how this one ends". OLD-ing had ground me down, and why had i put myself through it i wondered! Finally i got the message from me louder than the message from society! i was happier single than the constant trying to make this stick narrative. I finally got it, if this ends, it ends. I can go back to relaxing! 😂

Call me cynical but the cost of buying a house, raising a family comfortably and going on a few trips per year to feel like you are living rather than existing needs money. Usually dual income. I am not suggesting it is only down to money, but single people are treated with suspicion and the 'perfect relationship' is all over social media as a social aspiration. The dreaded fear of being crazy cat lady etc are held up as reasons to grab a man while you can. No thanks, I stick to my cats. I love being single and it is a choice. But I am post-menopausal so the lust button has been switched off, and I am fed up of attempted cocklodgers. I have financial independence and this is the main reason I love living without a partner. Also reflected on past relationships and concluded that overall, they didn't bring a lot of happiness to my life. I can do what I want, when I want. It was easier to be single when I was 30, and you could just get on the housing ladder in a modest property on one salary if wanted. At 55, I realise we live in different times and that my 20-something and 30-something relatives would struggle to have quality of life and buy a house on their own salaries. At 30, I could go to a bar or club and probably find a boyfriend from being out and about. At 55, I am not sure how I would go about that, as I think OLD is diabolical. I have always met former boyfriends through professional meetings, or at college. Sounds like time and effort better spent enjoying my time doing things my way.

I feel happy and peaceful as I am, yet most single women I know seem desperate to find a man and I do sometimes wonder if it’s more about social pressure than actually wanting one. I have had a ridiculous amount of pressure from certain people to find someone.