Single women statistically happier - how/why?

[flowersrain]

I am interested to know your thoughts on this. I have read a few times that single women are happier than those who are coupled up/married. As a single woman whose friends are all in relationships, this simply just does not ring true for me. All my friends who are in relationships have coped better with the lockdown than I have and it seems that society is build for two - even when you go shopping in the supermarket, a lot of food is packaged for 2/4 - it is very hard to find single portions. And of course the 'single tax' eg a hotel room costs more for a single person than a couple.

I have been single since October 2020 and, whilst I understand the importance of being happy on your own, it has been a very lonely time with no one to share the vicissitudes of life and, and particularly lockdown, with. It's all very well doing acts of self care, eating what I want when I want, doing what I want when I want etc but without someone to share it with it feels a bit hollow.

I simply can't understand how single women can be happier than those who are coupled up/married - no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

Do you think these statistics about single women being happier are true, and if so, how/why? I am 30 (nearly 31) and aware that I may not ever meet 'my person' so I need to be ok with a potential life of singlehood. How can I reach the point where I am as happy, if not happier, than those who are in relationships?

- no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

You can be in a relationship and this still be the case.

I’m a lot happier with DH than I was when I was single, but DH isn’t a total fuckwit, and apparently lots of men are, so...

I would thought it would depend a lot on age.

20s all your friends are single all good and happy
30s friends are beginning to get married and have kids. Perhaps expect singletons start feeling a little lonely.
40s as 30s but s bit more financially secure.
50 onwards friends now divorced with kids grown up. You have your friendship group back. All good again.

As a single woman/mother I am way happier than I was in my marriage. I'm also markedly happier than I was when dating.

There's plenty of fish in the sea. Know what else there is? Trash. There's plenty of trash in the sea IME.

I´m not sure that´s completely true.

But then, I think happiness is a very complex state of mind, and more related to experiences you had in your early years, within your original family and throughout your life than you marital or relationship state.

Many people find it difficult to be in relationships for many reasons. I am still learning in my own relationship of 23 years! Looking back since I met my husband, I had high points, low points, points when I thought I´d be happier on my own, periods when I was happy to be married...

I´m nearly fifty and I´ve reached (maybe momentarily) a place when I accept that I have made certain decisions in my life and I have to take responsibility for them. Rather than expect happiness to come to me, I need to do some work too.

I think you can be happy on your own but you need to start concentrating on the positives of being single, rather than looking at the positives of being in a relationship only. It´s all about where you put your focus.

If I´m married but look at the positives of being single, I´m not going to be happy. And the other way round.

Being single has a lot of advantages:

1. You can wake up in the middle of the night and read a book or watch a film.
2. You can decorate the house as you like, no compromises.
3. You can have sex with any man you fancy. You can flirt, dance all night, get drunk and snog someone.
4. You can travel (well, not at the moment), you stay out with friends all night long. You can come and go.
5. You are fully financially independent.
6. You can relocate for work or just because you want to live in another town.
7. Life can be full of excitement and surprises.

I know things in lockdown have been particularly hard on single people, but equally, many married couples have suffered the strain of being with each other 24/7, plus all the other responsibilities around them.

My mother divorced and never remarried. She´s been single for years now. She´s probably not the happiest person in the world, but she always reminds herself of the positives of being single, and for her, that´s better than being in a crap relationship. I admire her for that way of thinking.

If I’m honest it’s my children that have ruined my mental health. One was ok. But two have finished me off.
Given my time over I’d not get married or have children. My children have taken all of my freedoms and most of my enjoyment from life.

@Warrickdaviesasplates

- no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

You can be in a relationship and this still be the case.

Very true. I have never been as lonely as when I was living with my exP.

Many reasons I'm happier single :
Being free to be a human being in my home as opposed to an ornamental decoration. I never put make up on at home when theres no man and I love it that way.
Being able to watch my own tv programmes. Most of my friends cant watch strictly or married at first sight. "I like spending time with my husband, crystal", they say pityingly. Husbands would never tolerate such crap tv.
Being allowed to do diy. This is big one. My bff cant even decorate. Isn't allowed to. This is supposedly a great relationship with very liberal man but hes better at it(?)
Being allowed to cook what I want.
Being able to lie in.
Not having to serve any other human being or be their service human.
Not having to worry.
Not having to feel guilty I'm not being a perfect wife. No need to buy cards for anyone elses relatives.
No need to worry about using gas / electricity / phone and other bills. I pay all these and they are minimal % of outgoings. The freedom is wonderful.
No need to praise them when they do DIY or be so sweet / get them tea / grateful. I do it myself or if needed pay professional. Professional tradesmen are increasingly young 25yo hunks too which is just an unexpected bonus :)
Gleefully ignoring the perfect wives with their pressure to have perfect house, hair, nails, skin, botox, fashion and always look beautiful to keep their husband. Literally fuck that!
Very competently holding my own... full time job, mortgaged house, 2 kids, bills, everything.
I'm a woman but maybe in this woke world I'm more of a man. I'm not smurfette, I'm all the other smurfs.
Even the best men need to not be 'emasculated' and prefer feminine behaviour and presentation. I cant be fucked with it all (anymore)

Divorced twice, and been single for 13 years now. I often forget how long it’s been, when people ask. I tend to think it’s less than that.
I love it. Don’t have children, was unable to have them, but I’m fine about it. I have plenty of friends with children, and that’s lovely.

You need to find a way of being comfortable with yourself. A lot of that is simply time, but also, asking yourself what you want, what gives you pleasure? Nurture your other relationships, too, I have 4 very close friends, and several more whom I see regularly.

After a stressful day at work, it’s wonderful to come home and chill, eat, flop. I don’t have to clear up after someone else...but the flip side is that if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. I also look after my frail, elderly parents.

I do love my life, even on the shit days, as it’s so much more than I hoped or dreamed when I escaped an extremely abusive relationship 13 years ago. I’m grateful for my life, my family, my friends, my job, my home. Am I happier than my friends, all of whom have partners and children? I really don’t know. I’m definitely more content more of the time. For me, happiness is more transitory than contentment, so I’m comfortable with occasional happiness, but overall being content...if that makes sense?

None if it would win prizes, and sometimes it would be nice to have a cuddle and talk about my day. Lockdown wasn’t especially hard, because I’ve lived alone for so long. But I’m nearly 55, so I’ve had a lot of time to adjust. You’re still very young, and there’s a lot of life left for things to change , if that’s what you want. A partner and a child or two are likely to be part of your future. As long as you are comfortable and confident within yourself, you’ll be fine, no matter what the future holds.

Good luck, dear OP.

Less stress I guess.

@Angelica789

A lot of single women will be divorced women in their 50s+. In my experience most of these women do not want a live in partner again. They’ve done their time being skivy to everyone and are relieved to finally be able to do as they please.

First reply on your thread nailed it in my opinion OP.

I think it's been harder to be single during lockdown and can't be compared to normal life.

I wouldn't live with a man if u had my time again. I'd also have fewer DC's.

Read the posts on here.
Surely it’s obvious! 🤷‍♀️

@Littlesthobo84

All my friends work full time or near enough and do easily more than 50% of the Childcare and housework too. Plus they carry the emotional baggage for the whole family. Honestly - having it all means doing it all.

But as a single woman, I do 100% of the childcare (other than two night EOW) and 100% of the household tasks? And I am 100% of our household's emotional support.

So I don't really understand your point? I might have misunderstood what you're saying...

That’s true mini but they also seem to take on their partner’s stuff too and end up thinking for the whole family. Plus they have to watch another adult basically doing not very much with their dc and round the house.

It's odd but it's easier to tidy your own mess or just live with it. Living with another adult just makes resentment if you're doing it all.
I suppose it's like living with a messy flatmate as opposed to being happy with your own homely clutter in your own home.

I think it means childless single women mini.

@Littlesthobo84

Ok yes, I see what you mean. I'm only caring for my children and myself, rather than being the parent to another adult also. That makes sense.

Maybe then the answer is that single women are happier than those in relationships, depending on if the relationship is with a man child or not!

@minikievs you only have one adults mess and don't have to deal with, for example an adult saying they don't fancy that for tea, when you're knackered and just want to throw something together.
This is all assuming someone is in an unequal and/or unhappy marriage.
You see it all the time on here, a woman dealing with his family, or how he wants to spend the free time, or family money, and so on.

@Zig4zag

I think it means childless single women mini.

Ah ok! My misunderstanding

@Littlesthobo84

If I’m honest it’s my children that have ruined my mental health. One was ok. But two have finished me off. Given my time over I’d not get married or have children. My children have taken all of my freedoms and most of my enjoyment from life.

So sad to hear that :( Is/was your husband not supportive?

@Littlesthobo84

After children are age 4 it's easier without a man. Mine are both teens.
Millions of single women have kids and are not at all destitute. I've seen this Catherine Cookson attitude before. Marrieds are very indignant that my lifestyle not shitter. They would prefer me crying in the gutter. In contrast - my life is great! Professional, full time, mortgage etc.

It's an averages thing, I think. For every woman who is in a relationship with someone who makes her a priority, is on her team, shares her life/responsibilities, makes her happier in general there is one who is living with domestic abuse, and probably 2-3 who are doing the lion's share of housework and childcare, perhaps alongside working as well and are simply exhausted.

Whereas being single can be lonely, but it can also be empowering or just a relief, especially if you've been in some of these crap relationships.

It's lovely to be in a nice relationship, but not all relationships are supportive and nice - and women tend to draw the short straw in a heterosexual relationship when it's not balanced and nice.

For example - in my house the football has been on all day after DH got up at 11.30am. I cooked lunch. Did the ironing. Helped dc with homework. DH has been lying on the sofa since he got up. It’s not abusive but it is annoying. I don’t want the football on for a start - there’s no way I’d be allowed to watch something I like but he doesn’t for hours on end. In fact I never get to watch what i want apart from when in the kitchen, ironing.