Single women statistically happier - how/why?

[flowersrain]

I am interested to know your thoughts on this. I have read a few times that single women are happier than those who are coupled up/married. As a single woman whose friends are all in relationships, this simply just does not ring true for me. All my friends who are in relationships have coped better with the lockdown than I have and it seems that society is build for two - even when you go shopping in the supermarket, a lot of food is packaged for 2/4 - it is very hard to find single portions. And of course the 'single tax' eg a hotel room costs more for a single person than a couple.

I have been single since October 2020 and, whilst I understand the importance of being happy on your own, it has been a very lonely time with no one to share the vicissitudes of life and, and particularly lockdown, with. It's all very well doing acts of self care, eating what I want when I want, doing what I want when I want etc but without someone to share it with it feels a bit hollow.

I simply can't understand how single women can be happier than those who are coupled up/married - no one on your team, having to do everything yourself, no one to share experiences with, not being a priority for anyone etc.

Do you think these statistics about single women being happier are true, and if so, how/why? I am 30 (nearly 31) and aware that I may not ever meet 'my person' so I need to be ok with a potential life of singlehood. How can I reach the point where I am as happy, if not happier, than those who are in relationships?

Easier to be at peace with singledom when you are a mother I mean!
Although now I understand that I could definitely have been happy without children.

Bella de Paulo has some good talks on youtube about being a single woman.

Always been single and love it. I love my own space and can't imagine ever sharing it unless it is with some chickens or a dog when I'm old.

I think women are sold a crock, so much pressure to get married and/or be a mother

WiseOwl totally agree.

This next bit is generalising obv.

Society says that women really want to settle down with a man and have children. That we are not happy on our own. That having a 2.4 kids and a husband and a big wedding etc is what we dream of. It's not new- thinking about Cinderella... But the old fairy tales were darker. Warnings. I think the focus on finding your Prince maybe came with Disney? Dunno.

Society says that men are happier single. Being footloose and fancy free. Not being tied down. Not wanting kids etc.

In reality I know men who wanted to settle down and women who didn't. I know men who wanted children and women who didn't. But the main difference from the stories is that IME women are much more independent than men, much happier living alone.

Who does the idea that women are desperate to get a man, and men don't really want to be got, benefit?

Reading the relationship boards here it seems a fair lot of men take the benefits of family life but give not much back. Society supports this as well- men who do normal cooking childcare etc are amazing. What a catch! You're so lucky.

So the idea that women are desperate to get and keep a man while men are doing women a favour by just being with them seems to deep down prop up those attitudes.

Sorry that was long.

The older I get the more I see that many men haven't really grown up past about 17.

Also I lived by myself for 10 years and loved it.

After divorce the women often seem happier, to fare better than the men.

Anecdata again.

I think all of women's desire to settle and have children is condensed into a decade or so, so it makes it seem like women will die of misery if they dont meet somebody and have a child. But get back to the single women who never married when they are 45, women are so resilient and they accept their new reality after letting go of the old one ime. I think women who wanted children but didnt have them do process that and accept that and then they bounce back! I know a few women like this. One who is very successful in her creative field. A pram in the hall would have stood in the way of the fulfilment she has achieved through her passion and freedom.

Men on the other hand, if they want kids at 45, they're still hoping at 50. There's no end date... no kick to get over that stage of life and move on.

I work with retiring people and most of the women are all excited and full of plans (pre covid i heard silver smith course, a stained glass window course, yoga, pilates, creative writing, book club, sculpting, painting, walk the camino, renovating a house, so many ideas, and most of the men are just staring down the barrel of two decades to fill.

@gutful I was thinking the same, didn't know such people existed with that thinking!

I don't understand people who are saying supermarkets are not catered to single people What on earth?!

Nearly everything you can easily buy as single unit/portion if you wanted but even so, why would you buy only single portions of most stuff anyway?? It's very inefficient (you would need to buy things more frequently), and adds up to more packaging used per unit of food, which is not environmentally friendly at all.

Most people buy bigger portions then use up any leftovers later (and anyway a lot of the time I find food advertised for 2+ people are tiny portions, so in reality only filling for 1 person, and I'm thin!).

Are some people really that stingy to themselves that they would genuinely want to shop that way. I've honestly never met a single person like this!

I'm way happier single.

Being in a relationship meant so many compromises that I didnt feel I had anything just for me. I resented the bizarre way a partnership morphed over time into me becoming household manager/skivvy.

I've done my breeding so I cant see me ditching the single life.

@WiseOwlOne that's a really interesting perspective....

@LivBa Imagining they picture single people, crying over their can of baked beans, because they have nobody to split it with. The can serving as a reminder of their unfulfilled life

Is the can of beans half full, or half empty?

I hate sharing my food

I'm happier being single but do miss some aspects of having a partner.

I get the impression that many women in relationships are making compromises that they are not happy with. Mainly not sharing childcare and housekeeping roles equally or putting up with constant disloyal SM or work relationships.

Liv because it goes off etc and bulk buying is cheaper.

I mean it's not the end of the world and I don't know who said it or how annoyed it made them :D

I lived by myself for 10 years and it is a thing esp if you're skint.

Note. I'm just answering the question, not saying I'm angry, sad, bitter etc and it was a long time ago!

@WiseOwlOne

Easier to be at peace with singledom when you are a mother I mean! Although now I understand that I could definitely have been happy without children.

Except - as needs repeating as it keeps getting lost every few posts - the survey actually says single mothers are statistically the most miserable of all.

It's single, child free women who are happiest.

Of course, this is all statistics and I don't doubt anyone who's a single mother who's stated they're happier for it. I think that's great. But they're not who this survey is talking about.

Pandemic yes I think single women get a lot of subtle and not so subtle comments etc.

I have a couple of friends who are single and talked about it a lot with them. When they were getting to early- mid 40s it really ramped up for them.

So much media as well is all about couples. Dating. Shagging. Arguing. Etc etc. All over the telly and films, magazines etc etc. I think it's probably more obvious if you're single long term

Lockdown has been really shit for them.

'single mothers are statistically the most miserable of all.'

The fact they are a group v likely to be in poverty and some papers blame them for everything probably contributes tbf

Also have to deal with everything by themselves including exes who reading MN can be right wankers.

Is this single mothers of small, medium or adult children I wonder, as well.

I can honestly say that I would absolutely embrace living on my own!! Have been married for 28years ..yawn . Children are still coming and going and husband working from home ...am dreaming of living in a two bedroom ground floor flat on my own with the dog!!

Personally I'm happier being single.
I didn't have children.
I feel that I post myself as a person, I had to suppress who I was and that had a massive impact on my happiness and confidence (yes he was controlling, yes I was 'better' than him so in order to keep me he had to damage my self esteem).

I would live up fall in love again, just to feel that rush, but I'm perfectly happy with my sex life with a FB and dating random guys every now and then.
I am extremely lucky, I have a lovely job, pets, home and friends and am reasonably close to my family, no health or real money worries so I don't want to waste my pervious time on this earth being a prop in someone's else's life.
I want to follow my own hopes and dreams, if I found someone amazing (I have had good relationships in the past) then it would be a very difficult decision to willing merge our lives - they would have to be someone pretty damn special and know how to be in a relationship of two equal individuals.
I find with dating, the guys are way more interested in a LTR with me than I am with them.

@NiceGerbil

Is this single mothers of small, medium or adult children I wonder, as well.

Mine's 6. We've always been on our own, but on good terms with father who's thousands of miles away in Oz. Works very well for us!

@Angelica789

A lot of single women will be divorced women in their 50s+. In my experience most of these women do not want a live in partner again. They’ve done their time being skivy to everyone and are relieved to finally be able to do as they please.

This

I'm alone and very likely to stay that way. I always wanted to meet my person, it was my great life goal, and I really mourn not having done that. But the thing is that if I had done, the possible outcomes would have ranged from 'blissfully happy and we both died in our sleep on our 50th wedding anniversary', through to 'big mistake, huge disappointment, wasted life, expensive divorce'. So I also have the choice of how I think about it. Either mourn or heave a sigh of relief. I try to look on the bright side. And I do have a good life.

That said, it's a pain in the butt feeling apologetic booking a table for one at my favourite restaurant because I might not be spending enough to make it worth their while.

@PonderVision it doesnt need to be repeated,i read the list, but single mothers encompasses two very different groups and no distinction is made.
Huge difference in my level of happiness between when i had just left my x with two young kids and was on lone parent allowance for years, trying to figure out where i sat in the world. Now, still a sp, i have a secure job i like, a house, my children are teens, i cant wait for a bit more freedom.

So telling happy single parents they need to be reminded of the list, like they just read it wrong is missing the point.

And my experience is very typical. All my single parent friends are much happier now than they were when the first became sp.

Somebody on here mentioned paul dolan and in one youtube lecture he gave that i was listening to, he does mention that distinction between happiness levels in people who have recently decided to separate and have to go through that adjustment are low compared with divorcees who have made a decision, acted on it and moved on. Makes sense and glad the data reflects that!