How to approach finding someone else’s lipstick in DHs car?

[ROTFLBSST]

How would you word it? DH works nights, me days. There’s opportunity for sure but no evidence. I think it’s human nature to jump to the worst conclusion but before I go nuclear how could I word it so if it is innocuous I don’t shoot myself in the foot either....advice gratefully received!

I would say nothing. Either he is up to something or there is an innocent explanation. If he is up to something he's not going to admit it and if he offers you an innocent explanation odds are you want be able to prove it. If he is up to something you will also have tipped him off that you are suspicious so he will be more careful. Say nothing, watch and wait.

Could there be an innocent explanation? Does he give lifts to any women that you know about? To be honest, I think a classic ow move is to 'accidentally' leave an item for the wife to find...

Don't talk to him yet but keep the lipstick. Do you have access to his phone or emails?

@formerbabe I must admit that had sprung to mind. I’m itching for an explanation you know? He wouldn’t normally give lifts but he does see friends after work who are all male AFAIK. No access to phone or emails...

Does he ever give lift to female relatives..his mum or a sister perhaps?

There are no female relatives nearby but good thought!

Why is there no access to his phone or emails - is he a bit of a dark-horse?
OW like to drop this sort of bombshell on unsuspecting wives.

Some OW leave a "clue" to force a conversation and secure acquisition. It's a thing with them.

I’d just ask. If he’s upto anything, you’d see it in his reaction?

I don't think this alone is enough to jump to the conclusion he is having an affair. You need to look for a bit more before you confront him in my opinion.

He could have perfectly innocently given someone a lift. My husband would pd do this. He works till late on a retail park out in the sticks and wouldn't leave a colleague (male or female) stranded if say their car wouldn't start at 10pm at night. He would give them a lift home.

Is there more that makes you jump straight to affair op?

Agree do NOT say anything until you’ve had a chance to go through his phone/iPad/PC and ideally put a tracking device in his car - yes it’s illegal if the car isn’t in your name but you could have accidentally left an old phone/tablet in his car (silenced with notifications turned off) and it found its way under the carpet or down the side of the boot, couldn’t it?

Obviously this is assuming that he wouldn’t have a reason to have a lipstick wearing woman in his car that you’re aware of?

@TooTrueToBeGood

I would say nothing. Either he is up to something or there is an innocent explanation. If he is up to something he's not going to admit it and if he offers you an innocent explanation odds are you want be able to prove it. If he is up to something you will also have tipped him off that you are suspicious so he will be more careful. Say nothing, watch and wait.

This

What brand is it?

I know myself I’m not going to be able to wait. We don’t get much of chance to be intimate anymore because of his shifts, he doesn’t seem overly fussed and we have discussed it but it’s not really changed. I suppose that’s why I’ve jumped to an affair the classic he’s not getting it with me so must be elsewhere With the phones he doesn’t have access to mine either, we don’t know each other’s passwords etc not something that’s ever been an issue before. I’ve been cheated on before so am probably more wary as a result. I’m tempted to just present it to him and watch his reaction

Just straight out ask him, you'll know from his response if he's being honest or not.

Old enough for the brand to have worn off

Where was it in the car?

Can you ask to borrow his phone and see his reaction?

So it,s not new so could it have been there a while? could have given a lift to someone? It,s not enough to = an affair.

Personally I would stalk him for a bit. Rent out a car so he doesn't know it's you. Covid has made my life really boring , I like the idea of playing detective for a bit ..... or maybe just set a private detective onto him?

Have you had the car for a long time? If not, could it possibly have been left there by a previous owner?
I had a (long since cancelled) bank card returned to my by the garage after I traded my car in - I thought I had searched the car as a possible place I’d lost it quite thoroughly....apparently not!

@UnrulyJulie do not advise people to put trackers in cars! This could end up with the OP getting in serious trouble and facing prosecution.

My sister use to do things like leave a hair clip , earring or whatever with guys she was dating in their house or car so if they had another woman she would find it! I was pretty shocked, it weren’t even that she was dating married men she said she did it with every guy she met. So yes another woman leaving it as a clue is a definitely a possibility

Under current circumstances would he have reason to give anyone a lift or anyone else be in his car? I could accidentally drop a lipstick if I got a lift from someone and put my lippy on before getting out the car, but at the moment I’m not car sharing.

How did you find it?

until you’ve had a chance to go through his phone/iPad/PC and ideally put a tracking device in his car

Yehhh, don't do that.