How to approach finding someone else’s lipstick in DHs car?

[ROTFLBSST]

How would you word it? DH works nights, me days. There’s opportunity for sure but no evidence. I think it’s human nature to jump to the worst conclusion but before I go nuclear how could I word it so if it is innocuous I don’t shoot myself in the foot either....advice gratefully received!

I would be suspicious but only because something similar happened with my ex, I didn’t think much of it as I 100% trusted him, turns out he was sleeping with other women.

I think you need to probe a bit more, maybe check his phone or try and catch him out somehow. Of course there may be a completely rational explanation so keep an open mind.

I also know an OW who purposefully put things in his car, in the hope that the wife should find them/smell the copious amounts of perfume etc.

I agree with pp, watch and wait.

Yes, very good point, how did you come to find it? Were you searching for evidence? As I would never have any reason to search UNDER the mat in the driver's side footwell of DH's car. It's not soething you'd find by accident.

I think I must lift the mat in my own car once in a blue moon. I don't clean the interior that often. I would simply not ever be in the situation where i would be cleaning underneath the mat of DH's car. Very odd.

If you think he's cheating, you could mess with his head and little leave other stuff in the car. A condom wrapper, an STI leaflet, half-used cream for piles, empty constipation medicine packet..

Have you had the car long. Could it have belonged to a previous owner.

I wouldn’t confront to until you’ve had a chance to snoop. Look on his Facebook/instragram groups. Any body he ‘likes’ more frequently?

Ask to borrow his phone whilst yours is “flat”. See if he gives it to you willingly.

Do his shifts tie up with his movements? Any extra ‘overtime’ recently? Unexpected expenditure etc.

Has he changed any habits? Smarted up? New clothes? Haircut? Etc

@UnrulyJulie I don’t need to ‘give over’. This could be viewed as controlling behaviour which is a criminal offence. It has nothing to do with ownership of the vehicle. Stop giving out damaging ‘advice’.

If you think he's cheating, you could mess with his head and little leave other stuff in the car. A condom wrapper, an STI leaflet, half-used cream for piles, empty constipation medicine packet..

Might make him think OP is cheating though... or is that the point ?

OP,

I would return it to a spot where he will see it and see if he gives it to you or leaves it there and is unfazed by it.

If he hides it then THAT would be suspicious.

Once you accuse someone that you trusted, you can't undo it.

I certainly wouldn't based on a lipstick.

If you received a bag of clothes there IS a possibility that it came from.

Return it to the spot to see what he does.

Good luck.

I would just ask outright

@PicsInRed

Some OW leave a "clue" to force a conversation and secure acquisition. It's a thing with them.

That's my thought. In my 40 years I've never managed to lose a lipstick from my handbag into a car (or anywhere else really. I'm not saying it cannot happen but why does it always happen with affairs. OW are very careless with their personal belongings in their blokes cars aren't they?

I would put it somewhere obvious but out of place - dining table, coffee table - and just see what he does.

Classic OW signal.

I'd hold on to it and bide my time ......... if she's that mad at him, she'll leave another clue.

Check his dick. If there is a red ring round the base it's either her lipstick or an STD.

BargainCunt 😲💀

Personally I would leave it out in the car where DH may see it (or step on it if you put it in front of his seat)
If he comes home and says "here's your lipstick love. I found it in the car" then all is good. If it disappears without a mention then he's likely hid it.

It's not absolute proof, sure, but it's an indicator.

Ask him outright, his reaction will tell you! My ex-boyfriend was cheating on me, there were lots of red flags I hadn’t noticed though! I asked him outright and his reaction told me everything, his body language and face was a huge give-away, he denied it but eventually admitted it.

I am amazed that nobody so far has pointed out that even if he is NOT having an affair, having anyone in his car at the moment is not Covid safe and against the law!

You need to ask him on that basis alone.

“The lipstick in your car, who does it belong to? because I don’t own or use that kind of lipstick... you need to tell me right now”

^

That would be my approach, I hope it’s just a misunderstanding.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions if you otherwise trust him. I bought a 2nd hand car and my son found a pair of woman's (very worn) flat sandals in the back of the seat pocket after 18 months!

If you do have suspicions then I'd bide my time: ask to borrow his phone; watch him a little more. Get the lay of the land first before making a move - because he'll certainly cover his tracks if he is seeing someone and thinks you have wind of it.

The problem here isn't really the lipstick, it's that your first thought is that's he's cheating. That suggests there's already an issue of trust that you might need to sort out.

If I found a lipstick in my OH's car I'd assume it was his nana's, or a friend's, and I wouldn't think anything of it. I certainly wouldn't be considering demanding he showed me his phone.

You say you trust him, but that obviously isn't true or you wouldn't be jumping to the conclusion he's cheating. Why would you think that was the case - has he cheated before? Do you think he would? I'd sit with that and think about it before you go playing Nancy Drew on him. Either you're picking up on other clues that he's not faithful and that's why your first response isn't to trust it's innocent, or you have trust issues.

I would just ask.

I was given a lift by a male friend and he texted me to ask if I’d lost a silver bracelet .
I had!

People do drop stuff in cars, quite a lot.

Maybe it is innocent as in my case?
Ask him outright.

If innocent he’ll say
“ Oh that must be Anna’s”

He might be a man who likes wearing lipstick 💄?

OP, you've left detail out so I looked at your other threads for context. Did you end up moving to DH's country in the past few months? Another post of yours from July mentions him being abroad and unable to get a visa to come to the UK so you were thinking of resigning from a teaching job you'd just accepted to go and join him in his country.

I am concerned you've put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Asked him first if he’d had people in the car, said his mates, any ladies? Answer was no, he said why do you ask and showed him the lipstick. Was a genuine reaction, he thinks it’s might be from when he put the car in the garage and they’ve used it. Thank you all for taking the time to reply, me jumping is a reflection on me more than anything.