How to approach finding someone else’s lipstick in DHs car?

[ROTFLBSST]

How would you word it? DH works nights, me days. There’s opportunity for sure but no evidence. I think it’s human nature to jump to the worst conclusion but before I go nuclear how could I word it so if it is innocuous I don’t shoot myself in the foot either....advice gratefully received!

Op seriously put the lipstick in the bin and move on.

If you have had or then see any other suspicious behaviour then maybe confront but not on this alone.

And definitely don't demand to see his phone without more than this to base your accusation on, your coming off kind of crazy. Some other posters will egg you on as they have nothing better to do and like a story but please think before you act!

This could do irreparable damage to your marriage unless your certain something is going on.

Just ask him straight up no BS

*Op seriously put the lipstick in the bin and move on.

If you have had or then see any other suspicious behaviour then maybe confront but not on this alone.*

Naw, where's the fun in that
(joking, joking)

OP, has he had any strange behaviour recently or "extra shifts" at work? Anything you thought was a little off at the time but ignored it?

If it was giving someone a lift then wouldn’t it be on the passenger side? In your situation I’d observe, if something is going on your spidey senses will pick up on it if you are alert to it - it could all be innocent and fallen out of clothes bag (which he wouldn’t be able to explain anyway)!

Who gave you the clothes? Presumably someone you know and presumably the bag of clothes was in the car? Can you ask the person who gave you the clothes if it is theirs? Or do they recognize it?

@whatwedontknow

Under current circumstances would he have reason to give anyone a lift or anyone else be in his car? I could accidentally drop a lipstick if I got a lift from someone and put my lippy on before getting out the car, but at the moment I’m not car sharing.

How did you find it?

I've left quite a few things in people's cars when getting a lift. Umbrella is the most common. Lipstick less likely, but I do have handbags without zips that it could roll out of.

A lipstick in the car was how one of my friends discovered her husband was having an affair . OW had deliberately left it as he was dragging his heels about moving in with her .
Do most women not keep lipsticks in make up bags ?

I’ve pretty much been doing all of the leg work

^This is the issue OP. I was waiting for you to say this. I’m sorry I didn’t read much past this or read the whole thread. You’ve nailed the answer yourself. Fair enough if someone has commitments- but they STILL need to make the effort, maybe more so!

Oops wrong thread!

Why were they sitting in the back?
Where was the bag of used clothes? Boot? Back seat?
It's a bit suspect

Leave a pair of your knickers in the foot well & see what happens

Yes, or an earring? Find it on the floor of the car and innocently ask him if he knows whose it is, leave it in the well/shelf, then he can quiz OW if there is one? make her suspicious heheheh.

Blimmin heck, would you not just say "How weird is this, I found a lipstick in the car." ???

If you get a lift during the pandemic, sitting in the back is recommended.

@Chienloup this is what I’m aiming for!

Just ask then, OP. If that's what feels most natural - if he lies it'll be on him, and I think the truth usually outs with time anyway.

( and report back afterwards )

There's no point asking him about the lipstick THEN asking for his phone...
Ask to borrow his phone and see his reaction THEN ask about the lipstick...

I would make it a joke without him knowing.

Hand it too him
Tell OW to be more mindful about where she's leaving her stuff please
Smile and walk away, keep him wondering whether you know, let him bring up the conversation.

And just act ... Like you know whilst also acting like it could have been a joke.

I would make it a joke without him knowing.

Hand it too him
Tell OW to be more mindful about where she's leaving her stuff please
Smile and walk away, keep him wondering whether you know, let him bring up the conversation.

And just act ... Like you know whilst also acting like it could have been a joke

@Cotswoldmama

Just straight out ask him, you'll know from his response if he's being honest or not.

Mmmm No.

Many people who are dishonest enough to cheat are remarkably good at lying too

If an OW was planting it in his car wouldn't they leave it somewhere more obvious that under the drivers side mat? It's not somewhere a wife (or anyone) would usually be looking.
If it was dropped by an OW how would it get under the mat? It would more likely be in the passenger side or riling about loose.
Could be a number of explanations. Have you had any teenagers in the back? Or as others have said was the car secondhand? We've found all sorts under seats in secondhand cars.

/do nothing for the time being.

just be alert.

Just face it and ask him.

If it is the worst case scenario, then it's out there. Ignoring it isn't going to change the situation or make things better.

Do you work opposite shifts for childcare reasons? If not, tell him that an opportunity has come up in work to do the same shifts as him and see what his reaction is. If he tries to suggest you should carry on working opposite shifts, even though you both know it's no good for any relationship longterm, then you have your answer.....

Rolling from the back sounds more suspicious than the front passenger seat. If I found this in our car I would assume it was from the previous owner as we have only had it a year, however other possibles are a prostitute or an affair.
If it is a second hand car could it have been there for ages .
Do you use the car ? Might you have given lifts to a few friends a while ago, one of whom might have dropped it ?

If you ask him how will you know what the truth is, as either way he will say he has no idea how it got there ?

Trust your intuition @ROTFLBSST.

Leaving a cheap, nasty lipstick lying around, especially in a car, is a classic tactic used by suspicious women (who are often the other women) the world over. She’s not likely to want to plant an expensive item in your husband’s car for you to find because it’s unlikely you’d post it back to her with a polite note is it?

There’s a whole thread here on clues left by OW:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4058752-Clues-left-by-the-OW?pg=1

When I suspected an ex of mine was up to no good with another woman I left my umbrella in the passenger footwell of his car (which he retrieved from the boot for me the next time I saw him), brushed my hair and left it trailing out of the shower and scattered it elsewhere, and cut a bit of lace off an old bra and left it in his bed. I was going to leave an earring on the floor by his bed but I didn’t want to go into overdrive and make him suspicious and overly secretive (I was going to set that trap on another occasion). As it was the lace and my hair flushed the pair of them out and I flushed him down the loo where he belongs.

How did you come to find it?