How to approach finding someone else’s lipstick in DHs car?

[ROTFLBSST]

How would you word it? DH works nights, me days. There’s opportunity for sure but no evidence. I think it’s human nature to jump to the worst conclusion but before I go nuclear how could I word it so if it is innocuous I don’t shoot myself in the foot either....advice gratefully received!

Dark red - femme fatale (probably dark hair).
Not overly expensive - someone playing at being a femme fatale.

@cushioncovers we’ve been given clothes by someone recently thinking about it, may have been in there.

Realistically and I know you’ll all roll your eyes but I can’t sit on my hands with this. Would it be unhinges to ask him later to open his phone after we’ve spoken about said lipstick?

Just show it to him, say you found it in the car, does he know where it came from.

Is there any chance its a second hand car and could have rolled out from under a seat?

@SecondStageIgnition

Dark red - femme fatale (probably dark hair). Not overly expensive - someone playing at being a femme fatale.

What I wear expensive dark red lipstick and have dark hair but I don't think I'm a 'femme fatale' whatever that means

It seems strange TBH .I would ask him and see what he says (You would be able to see if hes lying by his reaction unless he is an accomplished liar!) OW seems most likely as how many women would he give lifts to ?

Honestly I'd just say something. I work on construction sites and manage to leave my belongings absolutely everywhere (including my car keys in someone's tool box once), and there's definitely nothing in it!

Could well be a completely reasonable and innocent explanation but you're well within your rights to ask, and I wouldn't think it was an over reaction to mention it!

[quote ROTFLBSST]@cushioncovers we’ve been given clothes by someone recently thinking about it, may have been in there.

Realistically and I know you’ll all roll your eyes but I can’t sit on my hands with this. Would it be unhinges to ask him later to open his phone after we’ve spoken about said lipstick?[/quote]
Yes.

Yeah I’d be asking to see his phone immediately after and if he refuses I’d assume he has something to hide

Say "are you a secret cross dresser?"

It was under the mat of the drivers seat so I’m thinking rolled forward if someone sat in the back?

Yes but you're not leaving clues in your AP's car presumably @whataballbag ??

@GemmaFoster

Leave a pair of your knickers in the foot well & see what happens.

Sorry but this really made me laugh!

I agree with PP, you're just going to have to make yourself keep your mouth shut. Perhaps your phone has strangely stopped working, and what a shame phone shops are closed so you'll need to use his for a bit because you urgently need to .

Can you say your phone is dead and charging in another room and you need to google something and ask can you use his phone and get his password this way? Me and DP regularly use each other’s phone for this kind of thing no suspicion raised.

Like the idea about putting the lipstick back and another one about the knickers! 🤣

Please, OP, be smart and don't ask him about it today. It's serious and asking him straight away would be damn stupid.

More than likely it was in the bag of clothes that you were given - assuming that the bag of clothes were in the car at some stage ?

Also if he has an iPhone and he’s saved his email password to his phone if you go to ‘settings’ and ‘passwords’ all of his saved passwords should be there.

My goodness, people are either bored out of their minds or they've gone stir-crazy. He's a "dark horse" because he dares have an unknown-to-his-wife password on his phone/tablet, she should put a tracker in his car, unlock his phone with his finger while he's asleep, stalk him!

Really?!

Just ask him!

Tricky. If he's not cheating you don't want to totally invade his space and interrogate him, but if he is cheating you want to have evidence (preferably photographs) in case he's a bastard during the divorce.

Does anyone you know wear a lot of dark red lipstick? I would probably confront him but I can't hold my tongue. Try and get into his phone if you can.

sorry not to presume you'd get divorced !

If this happened I'd just say to "DH- oy, have you been out with your secret woman again?" . Because I wouldn't believe that this was anything more suspicious than him giving another woman a lift, or even it being a lipstick that had been stuck under the car seat for ages and eventually got dislodged (this has happened with other items).

So I don't agree it's human nature to jump to the worst conclusion, and if this is where you have instantly jumped, maybe you should question why?

Just ask him!

@SecondStageIgnition

Yes but you're not leaving clues in your AP's car presumably *@whataballbag* ??

That's a very fair point

DONT ASK HIM.

If he’s innocent he will be offended.

If he’s guilty he will lie and you will have tipped him off to be more careful in future.

Do and say nothing and watch him more carefully.

So I don't agree it's human nature to jump to the worst conclusion, and if this is where you have instantly jumped, maybe you should question why?

I think it's OK to jump to the worst conclusion, we are surrounded by MN and drama on the telly - everyone wants / on some level expects to have a spicier life! (in my opinion).

As long as you're not running with that conclusion to a drastic extent of course.