Just found out about H EA

[Rollercoasteride]

Hi all

H left me on Sunday, said his feelings had changed..he admitted today that he was having an EA with a work colleague and he loves her.
He has seen her twice since March lowdown..and that was with his team. All communication is done on Teams. He says nothing else has happened yet. He reckons he has feelings since lockdown as they knew they be apart
Is he for real??

Are you sure it hasn't become physical yet? Look into The Script, it gives a really good indication of what to expect when men cheat. Sorry you're going through this

Is she married, too?

I'm so sorry - that's really awful. It's the deciding factor, though, isn't it? Now that he's saying this, he has to stay out of the house.

He's made his bed now hasn't he.

Have you been together long?

I,m very sorry this has happened.
Hand hold

@IJustWantSomeBees sorry for the late reply...I am pretty sure nothing has turned Physical. I know he hasn't seen her on his own since the end of Feb. We both wfh so I know he hasn't been anywhere. Thanks for your kind words x

@HollowTalk yes she is married with 2 kids

He says he loves her even though he hasn't seen her in months

He says she didn't know he had left, she told told her husband because I sent her a msg. She has not contacted him since. Her husband contacted H and threatened him when he found out, H ignored him, hut must of sent him a message last night. The husband told him to leave them alone while they are discussing things.

He still thinks things might work with her.

@Onthedunes we have been together for 18 years, he seems besotted with her. His mum said he tried to talk him round but he isn't having any of it.

I said how can you truly love someone when you haven't seen or been with them, he says he just does and he doesn't expect me to understand x

Hmmmm ... I don't see why he would leave over an EA tbh. He isn't being honest.

I think you have more news to come.
I am sorry this is happening to you.

Cheaters only admit to what they think you can prove. I'd be bracing myself for more revelations.

@squashedfroggie this is why I am so confused...he is adamant nothing has gone on..He has told his mum and brother the same thing (I am very close to my SIL, she is fuming)
I told him I do not want to find out down the line anything else has happened, I rather know now.
I spoke to him about it on the phone last night, I may be stupid but I think I believe him.
He says he left because he loves her. I think he is infatuated with her, she hasn't contacted him in days and he is still hopeful. She could of told her Husband anything. I think he is mental, so does everyone else. But he can not see it.

He even wanted to tell DS 10!

He says even though he hasn't seen her her for months he loves her and doesn't expect me to understand.

I know he definitely hasn't seen her on his own since February.

@TicTacTwo he is adamant he hasn't...he is either lying or mental

I honestly don't know how things could ever work out between them...we all have small kids, he won't have any money...I guess she won't have money either...a great basis for a relationship..

He even said even if it wasn't for OW if that was even a thing, he still wasn't happy and would have left

What a cruel, horrible, disloyal person he is.

Do you really want him back?

@Onthedunes to be honest I am still in shock..deep down I know we can't come back from this.

I would like some sort of counselling, even if its to work through our separation

I do feel for you op.
18 years is a long time for him to just throw away.

Keep posting and let the mumsnetters help you, these ladies really know whats what and can help you pre empt his future actions.

You may not be able to change his view at the moment but there are many ways this could go and you have been blindsided.

For the moment, try to eat what you can, rest as much as possible and really look after yourself. The stress this man has dumped on you is unforgivable.

Lets redress that balance.

[quote Rollercoasteride]@TicTacTwo he is adamant he hasn't...he is either lying or mental

I honestly don't know how things could ever work out between them...we all have small kids, he won't have any money...I guess she won't have money either...a great basis for a relationship..

He even said even if it wasn't for OW if that was even a thing, he still wasn't happy and would have left[/quote]
He even said even if it wasn't for OW if that was even a thing, he still wasn't happy and would have left I think he has decided he wants to lead a different life and he has used this to get out . It does seem ridiculous to be in love with someone he has seen twice since lockdown . Do you know the extent of the contact - was it daily ?

Please don't take him back. It will never be the same. He's destroyed your marriage now by announcing he loves someone else.

Find your anger. He's thrown away 18 years with you and is prepared to destroy your child's world for a silly fantasy over some woman he really doesn't know.

Get angry. Get a solicitor. And tell him he's not coming back.

@Onthedunes thanks for your kind words, yes I am aware this can go many ways. I think if he told me he had a full blown affair, obviously I would be devastated, but knowing there could be more heart breaking ahead is always in the back of my mind.

I am struggling to eat and sleep. But what makes it worse because his parents are vulnerable he needs to come here to see DS. I would never stop contact.

I know what he has done is unforgiveable, I only lost my mum 18 months too x

@VivaMiltonKeynes we have gone through extreme stress over the last few years, we were up to our eyes in debt..this was sorted in January, it was a fresh start for us to enjoy life..but he says his feelings started the start of lockdown so we never really had the chance...I think he is trying to ease his conscious.

They worked on the same project, it was just the 2 of them..he did one part of the job she would do the other...they would have to speak on a daily basis via Teams. But they are working from home.However I don't know who much they talked, her small child was at home because of lockdown and hanging off her all the time.
I was also working from home, in the room next to him so I honestly don't know how they talked about their feelings. He has now been promoted and left that job.He definitely hasn't been anywhere.

The whole thing is ridiculous

At this point it is so raw and also losing your mom not long ago, but could I ask you not to believe everthing that comes out of his mouth.

He will not tell you about a full blown affair as he still wants to appear that nothing sexualy happened before he left you.

Could you go the Gp if you can get something to help for the short term.
Get some food supliments ie, complan or fortisips. Your brain is going to consume a lot of energy, very draining.

What do you want to do?
As soon as you are able, get your financial information in order, he is some steps in front of you, have you got RL support who could help you with this.?

Take care
for you

Men do not implode their lives like this for a few virtual messages

He is not being truthful

You will not move on until you stop believing his lies

Are you sure he did not know her before lockdown?

Also has he not been out of the house at all ?

Do you have acess to his phone bills, do you know her number?
Do you need these answers to confirm he is not rediculous but he is a calculating liar who has planned his departure secretly for some time.

@Onthedunes I have started sorting things out financially. I am just so glad I do have a job.

I know, i might get some complan, I have lost 9lb since Sunday.

Yes he knew her before lockdown they were on the same team.

Her husband was also working from home.

He definitely hasn't been out anywhere, we used to go out all together if we went out.

No I don't know his phone bill info, but I went on his phone to look at a message from his friend and I didn't notice anything suspicious.

It is all very bizarre

@AnyFucker that's exactly what I told him...he said I don't expect you to understand

@FredtheFerret I have been through all the emotions going.

I just think he is absolutely ridiculous, like love sick puppy..ugh he makes me sick

Well isn't he a massive dickhead!

He's destroyed his marriage over a few soppy messages and a complete fantasy. Chances are she'll stay with her husband and I bet my bottom dollar he'll then come crawling back with his tail between his legs expecting to be welcomed back. I home you kick him out op and divorce the stupid fucker!

he said I don't expect you to understand

Well, you wouldn't would you, since you are not the one who is cheating

The patronising, arrogant fucker.