Just found out about H EA

[Rollercoasteride]

Hi all

H left me on Sunday, said his feelings had changed..he admitted today that he was having an EA with a work colleague and he loves her.
He has seen her twice since March lowdown..and that was with his team. All communication is done on Teams. He says nothing else has happened yet. He reckons he has feelings since lockdown as they knew they be apart
Is he for real??

@Mix56 yeap, if OW clicked her fingers he would be gone like a shot.

@TimeToCloseTheDoor you made me laugh about 'Mike'...he knows a 'Mike' has sent me a few msg 'Mike' works with me but is mates with OW boss. So he thinks me and 'Mike' will get together (btw Mike is not my type) haha

@beavisandbutthead thanks. I am sure as hell not going to be anyones safety net or second best

So broken hearted for what your going through but you sound stronger with each message and I can tell your going to be better than fine and may even find you are better off without him in many ways.

Rollercoasteride i have no doubt...

Whatever path you choose Relate and other counselling services will help to sort through it if he agrees to attend. He seems to have made some terrible choices, I wonder where he is hoping to get to with this, does he seem to have any plan at all?

I agree that it's almost certain to go nowhere with the other woman, he will likely then try to return. It would be wise to have a plan you're happy with for when that happens

@oldshoeuk thanks. I asked him if he if he had a plan he said he didn't. He said I 'forced' him to tell me. Basically I kept asking if there was someone else, but he kept ignoring the question, so it was obvious. He wasn't going to tell me who is was when he finally admitted it, but it was obvious who it was because he has no friends really and she was the only female I know he spoke to (obviously he couldn't meet anyone new due to lockdown)

Oh so I did something really naughty last night...... I was on DS phone last night, because my phone is linked to his. I wanted to check my Google history isn't on his phone.
What I didn't realise H phone was also linked, so I checked the history....nothing much on Google web search, abit on how to delete a teams conversion, then when all this happened he was looking to deactivate FB and looking how to ignore messenger messages (probably the husband)
But was what was clear he must have been using Messenger to contact her when I was in bed! Lots between 12am and 2am, some even like 5am. Even looks like after he last slept with me (my birthday) he was on the bloody phone to her.
It doesn't say exactly who he had been sending messages, but its abit bloody obvious, who else would he contact at that time, he hardly has any friends as it is.

Why are you phones still linked? What you can do to him, he can do to you.
He needs to be told to get a flat, he can't just float around like a single snowflake. You say he hasn't got many friends, Is he planning to sleep on their sofa over Xmas? This is about to come to a head,
So you could burst his bubble & tell him the next time he is in your house, in your warm kitchen, drinking your coffee he needs to find accommodation pronto, because he is not sleeping at your house over Xmas.

@Mix56 I didn't realise DS phone was linked to H phone. DS has my old phone and my Google account was still on there. I have no idea why H phone is linked to it (although not anymore). Even if he wanted to see mine, I have nothing to hide.
He is staying with his only friend really (he was rubbish at keeping in touch with him).
They have a massive house so he is able to stay in the guest room, his friend has said he thinks 3 months he can stay for.
But yes he needs to get his accommodation sorted...but he doesn't help himself in any situation

At least he won't force his way back into your house. (legally he could)
Who's turkey is he eating on Xmas day ?

@Mix56 I am not sure about Xmas...my dad has offered to cook, because I can't be bothered..I need to see my dad because we lost mum last year and he is on his own. But H has informed me DS told him he won't be going to my dads without H.
So I don't know what will happen.

I did the school run this morning, arrive home to find H car on the drive... he said he was on messenger playing games! Arghh I really couldn't be bothered speaking to him today

You are joking? Doesn't he have a job ?He can go & chat to whoever in another car park.
If he has nothing better to fo he can do the school run.
Dont talk to him & dont let him in

Plus you need to check this Info with DS

@Mix56 yeah he does have a job wfh, but I am sure his employer won't be happy with him.

He wanted to tell me he was on messenger mainly for playing games....

Op I admire you, you sound really strong. I went through a similar situation and it was like a bereavement for me, luckily no kids involved so it was a clean break but it really hurt. All the other posters are right, cheaters minimise everything. More usually comes out over time but you sound like you know that.
He has built up a fantasy relationship from the shiny lovely bits rookie present at work. She will have faults and may not even seem the same once he actually gets to know her in a relationship context. But even if it doesn’t work out he has shown he has crappy boundaries and it could happen again.
You are doing the best thing, listen to the advice here, focus on you and what you want; like you said all the positive health changes, hobbies you’ve always wanted to try (I know a cliche but helps) local places like gardens beaches or anywhere he wouldn’t have been interested in but you were. Change the house up and make your bedroom a nice sanctuary. Like another poster said make lists that focus on you and son. Make sure you eat right and sleep, it’s a big stressful event and you need to look after yourself.
You sound really amazing.

Oops really sorry for lack of paragraphing.

Also people not rookie

@HiyaCathyy thanks for your message and support.
Yes it does feel like a bereavement, having lost my mum suddenly last year, I feel more all over the place now than I ever did last year.
Him turning up today has really thrown me, not that I was to get back together...just makes me feel sad and sick...I didn't really want to get out of my car when I knew he was in the house.
I said to him today, what he has done will affect his future relationships, I mean who would want to be with a man like that? also alot of people have lost respect for him.
I know I need to get out more, and focus on me and DS.

Ohhh don’t even give him that, he will find that out soon enough re: relationships. Yeah I had the same feeling when my ex was in and around our place. I think sometimes the limbo times are the worst, once you know what is happening I.e he had a place and has told you his plan it gets easier, not saying it’s not still painful but you don’t want him hanging around like that in the drive.

Also about the grief, be really easy on yourself, it’s a big change a rug has been pulled out from under you. You will be okay though. It is a bit of a process that takes time and some days you will wake up and feel awful about it all but it gets easier and easier.

Let him make a fool of himself / get it out his system. Act like you are not bothered and when he comes crawling back make sure the relationship is more favourable for you and make him suffer.

@HiyaCathyy thanks. I was fine first thing, but now all over the place. He is thinking of moving back to his parents once they have had the covid injection so he can save some money.
Its the dropping in on me unannounced I find difficult, I feel unprepared.
I guess I have to take each day as it comes.

@TalkToTheHand123 he is already doing a good job of looking like a fool

Sorry, yes, I mean more the after effects when things settle down and hopefully you find someone decent to replace who will treat you right and he'll be all jealous.

@TalkToTheHand123 thanks, I know I deserve better than this, although it would take a long time before I can trust a man again