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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just found out about H EA

206 replies

Rollercoasteride · 24/11/2020 19:51

Hi all

H left me on Sunday, said his feelings had changed..he admitted today that he was having an EA with a work colleague and he loves her.
He has seen her twice since March lowdown..and that was with his team. All communication is done on Teams. He says nothing else has happened yet. He reckons he has feelings since lockdown as they knew they be apart
Is he for real??

OP posts:
Mix56 · 20/12/2020 08:45

There are obviously days when it is all too much, Mine started with a trip to Ikea yesterday,
We have been preparing you for "dark thoughts" ruse. He really has been following the script word by word.
Yes he probably does realise he has screwed up massively, what does his life look like now?

This next bit will hurt, sorry.

He hasn't asked to come back to you though has he? It's just that living as an extra in someone else's house is "itchy",
He would like all the comfort, habits, familiar noises & easy acces to DC when he feels like it.
Has he said sorry? he hasn't even begun to come down off his high horse, (righteous prat) & consider what he has done to you. How you, the injured party have had to battle on, & hold it all together while he slunk off to lie on the sofa dreaming of OW.
So just remember this when that worm of doubt gets into your thoughts.

Rollercoasteride · 20/12/2020 18:10

@Mix56 thanks for your kind words

He has said he is sorry alot, but only recently he sounded like he actually ment it.

After such a bad day Friday for us both, he admitted that he felt guilty, shame, worried about the future, DS, me and finances. And so he should feel all this.

He probably feels gutted that OW has cut his off. Because she clearly didn't know he was going to leave me nor tell me.

He is now looking for a house share...I have no idea, but he doesn't seem want want to move into the flat.

Speaking to my GP on Friday, he said he thought OW was a distraction lol.

But again I can't believe his actions have put my on anti depressants!

OP posts:
VivaMiltonKeynes · 21/12/2020 09:30

[quote Rollercoasteride]@Mix56 thanks for your kind words

He has said he is sorry alot, but only recently he sounded like he actually ment it.

After such a bad day Friday for us both, he admitted that he felt guilty, shame, worried about the future, DS, me and finances. And so he should feel all this.

He probably feels gutted that OW has cut his off. Because she clearly didn't know he was going to leave me nor tell me.

He is now looking for a house share...I have no idea, but he doesn't seem want want to move into the flat.

Speaking to my GP on Friday, he said he thought OW was a distraction lol.

But again I can't believe his actions have put my on anti depressants![/quote]
Do you still have him blocked ? Is all this talk face to face ? You are in limbo currently and tbh you sound as if you are thinking too much about HIS feelings, situation etc and not enough about YOURS . It is natural to try to work things out in your head and to believe that somehow he had his head turned and he was stupid or whatever word you want to use . It really is irrelevant when you look at the bare facts of the situation. I gave my ex H a chance and he then a while later did the same thing again with the same woman and walked out . You can't trust him and he is not your friend . His number one priority is HIMSELF and his HAPPINESS . He has shown you this . Reread the last line of this post when you feel sorry for him .

Rollercoasteride · 21/12/2020 09:58

@VivaMiltonKeynes yes he is still blocked. But I did speak to him on the landline on Friday and saw him for a few minutes when he dropped DS off at the weekend.

Obviously no one wants their marriage to end in this way.
But I still am fully aware of the facts.
We can't be together while he has feelings for her.
He should have been focusing on me not her at the time I needed him the most.
I don't think I could forgive him for what he has put me through.
Yes he is selfish, even looking at a houseshare...its hardly ideal for DS, what's DS going to do? sit in his bedroom(I haven't said anything though)

It made me laugh yesterday DS was on the phone to H. His dad was talking about work....DS said do you still see people on your old team...he mentioned OW (DS met her twice and spoke on Skype to her)...I nearly spat out my coffee!

OP posts:
Mix56 · 22/12/2020 15:53

He is still seeing OW ?

Rollercoasteride · 22/12/2020 18:37

@Mix56 I don't think he has heard from her properly since this all kicked off a month ago.

He said occasionally she has to email him because she still works on one of his accounts, he said its always a short to the point email about work.

He said he unfriended her on FB and removed her from WA, only because I said about it

OP posts:
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