What to think? Affair?

[Boorosie]

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

being, not been

@Bluntness100 - I do understand where you are coming from, and I'm not saying that the decision to be celibate has definitely not come from her.

I am just saying that it also hasn't definitely come from her either.

And there could be plenty of reasons for being defensive whatever the reasons are behind it. Humiliation, embarrassment - worrying that if you put too much deeply personal stuff some unimaginative hack will plaster your story over a newspaper...

I just don't think it's right to have a go at the OP about this when we don't know the full story, and where it's up to her to decide what she's comfortable sharing.

As said, yes it could be him no doubt. I just think on balance from the tone of her posts, it is she doesn’t want sex with him. And likely he does not want it with her either now. That part of their marriage died.

I do agree that in a marriage where one party doesn't want sex and the other does, it is not something that can remain unaddressed forever.

No one should ever be pressured into having sex with someone.

At the same time, for the person that didn't choose for a relationship to be celibate, it can be desperately lonely. It's not just about not having physical "release". It can create feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, sometimes wondering whether you're unlovable or physically repulsive. To see years stretching out ahead of you - the rest of your life with no physical intimacy - and you can't go out and look for it because you're trapped in an arrangement that you didn't agree to.

I think it can be horrible for both parties in different ways, and I agree that it's a situation that can be a ticking time bomb - and where if there isn't honesty, communication and a willingness from both parties to seek appropriate help that things will not end well.

Lying and deceit is not the way to resolve things. Then again, it may be that the situation cannot be resolved and dispassionate decisions need to be made about what to do next.

OP,

Your modus operandi should be to find out the main reason.

It is not long until Valentines Day.
An opportunity to get it all resolved either way.

@Bluntness100

As said, yes it could be him no doubt. I just think on balance from the tone of her posts, it is she doesn’t want sex with him. And likely he does not want it with her either now. That part of their marriage died.

I think your probably right there actually. Which could be why op hasn't offered any details on it cause there is no story to tell, the book is firmly shut in that department. A pretty sad tale really , even sadder that the daily fail have decided to 'report' on it. FFS

If the admin of this site take issue they can implement a policy requesting information here stays here.
Can that be done?

After all, the media copyright their material.

How disgraceful of the Daily Mail! The journalist who did that must clearly have chosen the wrong career path to stoop so low as to have to take information off of a chat forum to make ‘news’ with. Not only that, what if it is outing to the people involved in this in real life? People come on here for advice when they don’t wish to tell anybody in their real lives. This has likely made op situation worse for her.

Perhaps the journalist in question should set up her own thread and the users of mumsnet can give ideas for worthy stories to write about?

How are you doing OP?

Shoddy journalism. Poor OP, I wouldn't blame you for staying schtum after this :(

When journalism consists of merely "copy and paste", it becomes worse than stealing someone homework. Its theft. Its plagiarism. Its copying. Its unoriginal. Its disrespectful. It's thoughtless, lazy and could make relationships worse in the middle of a pandemic. Well done you idiot journo for making someone's life a lot harder in the worst possible time. I hope you know what this is like someday. I hope you hang your head in shame for what you've done to this woman and her family. In future, have a heart and a brain and be original.

Anyone can copy and paste these days, so what does that make you? Work experience journo with no conscience?

What is the world coming to when someone who's suffering writes on a forum for support and then some feckless POS "wannabe journo with no talent except copy and paste" presses copy and paste?

So, we now know the DM does not respect individuals privacy or feelings, disregards that someone asked for support not to have their most private worries blasted all over their news site.

The feckless POS who copied and pasted because they weren't capable of using their brain to write a proper story has caused loads of pain and anguish to someone who was alreadysuffering. IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC!!!* Well done guys.

This "story" was covered in "FEmail" but the person who put it there does not respect women or they would not have copied and pasted. I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR PAPER DM Disgusting.