What to think? Affair?

[Boorosie]

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. The comment about his smile reminded me of something I read about 'dupers delight'. There's some very unnerving videos of people smiling ever so slightly whilst lying because they think they have the other person fooled. His attempts to gaslight you are also worrying. Hold on to your truth OP.

He is buying sex toys for girls doing Only Fans / cam work.

It’s so fucking obvious, it hurts.

He’ll be sitting in his home office wanking over them using the toys he bought.

Have you asked him about it?

He is remorseless, Boorosie. His attitude and blatant lies are contemptuous. He has proven that he feels entitled to deceive you. And it is improbable that this was a discrete act of disloyalty and dishonesty in your marriage.

I wouldn’t be ‘boxing up’ his sex toy purchases or his preposterous tale. They are key elements in this serious breach of trust. Your H has been cheating by having an affair or by paying for sex. The toys have been used during his sexual relations with other women.

He is still lying and blocking transparency, so moving forward is impossible. What consequences have you set? In your shoes, I would send him away while you process his betrayal and make your decisions.

@Boorosie
Exactly. the smaller details dont actually matter// regardless of what they are. Transparency and trust are crucial.it isnt your doing,but its where your at. I know thats harsh. I honestly think youve been handed a free reign to prioritise YOURSELF. best of luck x

Hope you are ok today op. Has he been honest yet?

So sorry but he had time to make up such a ridiculous‘blackmail’ story to save his own skin. He will lie and lie some more- you will be begging for the truth and he just won’t give you the whole truth.Ever.
The lieing does the most damage.
The only way to move forward is either tell him to leave or if he wants to at least try and save his marriage then the whole unadulterated truth needs to come out.Properly with marriage guidance counselling.
Personally I know what choice I’d make

@WizardOfAus

He is buying sex toys for girls doing Only Fans / cam work.

It’s so fucking obvious, it hurts.

He’ll be sitting in his home office wanking over them using the toys he bought.

Have you asked him about it?

This ^^

You keep dodging the celibacy question OP but it is very pertinent to the situation re: liklihood of cheating, motives, etc.

@WizardOfAus

He is buying sex toys for girls doing Only Fans / cam work.

It’s so fucking obvious, it hurts.

He’ll be sitting in his home office wanking over them using the toys he bought.

Have you asked him about it?

To be fair that’s also possible, it’s that or an affair.

Op

You want to know why your husband is lying and if he’s having an affair or cheating.

Yet you want to ignore the glaring reason why.

He maybe lying to you, ( And concocting the biggest bullshit story on MN ever ) but I would argue that he is NOT committing infidelity at all.

You and others on here are saying truth and trust are the biggest and most important building blocks of a marriage.

I would say truth, trust, love and intimacy / sex are the most important foundation stones of a marriage. You start removing them and your house falls down.

He is lying to you.

You are deceiving yourself.

Think the Daily Mail have got hold of this thread🤦‍♀️

@Redland12

Think the Daily Mail have got hold of this thread🤦‍♀️

It has as well.

For those saying cam girls actually it can’t be that, she said the sex toys can’t be used alone. So it’s an affair.

Well done Daily Fail on the insightful "this was on a website" story. Not news. Not journalism. Not helpful to OP. They really are scum

I'm guessing Chloe Morgan, who wrote the article, is a mumsnetter.
Not right that this should be posted on daily mail, not fair on the OP

When my friend told me she suspected her OH had an affair, I told her no way. Not the type, no reasons to (they had a very active sexual life), no opportunity , but more importantly, when confronted, he came up with excuses in such an assertive and honest way, I never thought he had the personality and acting talents to be so deceitful.

It went in for months, lies after lies, accusations of being suffocating with her accusations turning her in a paranoid mess, to the point she did think she was going mad, until finally, she found the evidence he couldn't make up any longer.

He had been cheating for months.

Your posts totally reminded me of it, same kind of excuses, which although sounding like fantasies have enough potential validity to make you wonder. Add the excellent acting and your left thinking he couldn't be making up such blatant lies looking at you in the eyes.

The reality is that you gave a husband not allowed to have his instinctive needs met, who loves you despite it, who doesn't want to break his family, lose the companionship, seeing his children daily, loose his house and half his money and end up single with everything it implies, so of course he is doing it all behind your back without discussing it with you thinking you'd leave anyway even if he was honest. It's pure desperation.

@Servalan they really are a disgrace arent they. Embarrassing

Oh no, just seen about the DF.

DF has surpassed itself this time. Not even an attempt at an article or viewpoint, just a regurgitation of the thread. Shame on them. Sorry OP.

Maybe the OP is Chloe Morgan?

The comments in the DF are horrible.

I've just read through the thread and my heart hurts for the bullshit you've been spun, and the not knowing what the truth is... I couldn't and would not let it drop

The Daily Mail getting desperate?

I made the decision to stop reading all media the other day .

I don't have a TV licence as I refuse to watch TV until full accountability of media happens.

Ironically, I had a SKY leaflet in the mail two days ago.
So, I thought well, I might as well give them my opinion.

The guy was pretty nice to be fair.

Although the leaflet was designed to bring in new custom and it had a number to call.
So, I rang it and the first automation was ' Please type in the phone number for the account.'

Firstly, I thought well as a potential customer the first thing I want to hear is, ' Are you a new customer'.

I said for marketing it isnt really a professional approach. Nobody wants to be waiting on the phone and it is off-putting for prospective customers.

He agreed and asked what the leaflet was promoting - it was offer on £25 per month.

Then he asked the question can I ask how much you are paying for your ISP.
I told him, then I said I'm not looking to be a customer. I'm in a contract and when that runs out I dont know what I'll do.
He said your current costs are really high. Cant you ask them to get it down.
I said I have and it is as cheap as it can be but over 30 quid of that is VAT.
I then explained how I cant take up any offers on TV packages anyway because I would need a licence because BBC hold the privilege there.
He told me SKY do a TV package with certain channels where you don't need a licence
I said I don't want pre-chosen entertainment. The whole point is in having choice to watch what I want. I then said phone hacking scandal is still affecting you all. He agreed.

There is only one person who knows more than I do about the media's future and I'm no longer in contact.

That isn't likely to change.
My loss is the media's loss.
When you deny people justice, they find it themselves.

Just repeating - everyone is assuming that the OP is withholding sex from her husband for whatever reason - whether medical or not liking sex.

Op has not actually told us why their relationship is celibate. I'm not bloody surprised if there are scummy "journalists" writing unimaginative articles that have no purpose other than to stir up a hornets' nest.

It is possible that the celibacy is the OP's choice

It may be a discussed, mutual choice made between the couple for whatever reason.

Also, it is not unheard of for men to withhold sex from women too and make the decision they'd rather engage with porn than be intimate with their partner. This is a growing problem in our society with porn addiction fucking up people's ability to be intimate. There's a lot of denial in society about this as there's a myth that men are always up for sex, so a woman being turned down by the person that's supposed to love her can feel very humiliating.

I agree that the possible affair / using the services of webcam workers can't be looked at in an isolated way, because the celibacy in the marriage provides the context - whether that being that either party feels trapped at the prospect of never having sex again, or whether one of the parties is unable to engage in real life intimacy.

I'm personally getting a bit irritated though that everyone is just assuming that celibacy in the marriage is definitely, without question due to the OP's decision alone.

Well she said it wasn’t an agreement they came to. And that if he’d told her he was thinking of an affair it would have given them something to work in, And she’s very defensive about the celibacy, which all indicates it’s her, or she’d be saying he does not want sex with me but I want it with him.

Plus he’s over the side so still wants sex clearly. But yes it could be him. I think though she’d habe mentioned if she was hoping to jump him and he was rejecting her.

I don't have a TV licence as I refuse to watch TV until full accountability of media happens.

Just don't watch the news then. Without a TV my life would have been mindlessly dull over the last year. I can fill my life with worthy pursuits, but I still enjoy watching a good crime drama or period drama on TV. You come across as been rather morally superior.