What to think? Affair?

[Boorosie]

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

Why are so many posters blaming OP for her fella straying?

Surely if he’s bothered about the current situation he would discuss it like an adult rather than go sneaking around her back

This is NOT your fault OP

I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you find out the truth

Is it possible he'll be at that place to receive the package, OP? Does he work out of the home?

There isn't a good reason why he'd be ordering that sort of thing to arrive at a different address. Whose name will be on the delivery?

This place is batshit tonight.

If her husband wasn’t happy in the marriage he should try to work it out and/or end it. Not shag randoms in a caravan park.

This is not your fault OP.

It's a sexless marriage. We don't know the reason why. The OP isn't saying.

@BawJaws

Unfortunately this isn’t how it works for most marriages when sex dissapears.
More often than not - there are some sort of relationship issues/resentments or loss of libido after kids that lead to reduction of frequency, that eventually snowballs to a complete breakdown of intimacy.
And then one of the partner feels increasingly worse about it, and more arguments lead to a further vicious cycle.
So - by the time the problem is entrenched - and by a few years it is - there is not much ‘adult discussion of the current situation’ that is possible.
So - people either resort to sneaking around or leave.

I am sorry OP. Not what you want to hear right now.

Ugh. Abstinent marriages are NOT an excuse for cheating. You have vocal cords, use them.

I'm sorry if it ends up that he's having an affair, OP Are you going to pull him up on it? x

All I’m really reading is “what do you expect, he’s not getting any?”. This sort of thing really lets men off the hook and prevents accountability.

I don’t think that’s helpful or fair, irrespective of relationship details. Like you say, this is a symptom of entrenched problems, however, for most people, male and female, infidelity is pretty much the death knell to a relationship.

He would have known that surely.

Sorry you are going through this. All you or anyone else can do is speculate. I would be asking him directly. Good luck.

It sounds like the holiday home is where they meet so I would 100% follow and catch him out

So if a woman has a year of cancer treatment and prolonged recovery time it’s totally fine for her husband to have sex elsewhere because he isn’t getting any? Wtf am I reading?! I married my husband for better or worse not “except if I’m not getting any I have the right to look elsewhere”. Give men more credit than just being about sex.

He probably doesn’t want to leave his wife, home kids the family dog . Most likely he loves his wife and family despite the non sexual relationship

But he also probably knows that his wife would not be happy with him having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage
So he has affairs hook ups, see a prostitute for his own sexual needs
Only he’s not smart enough to cover his tracks
I would kick him out for being that bloody stupid
Often when one persons decides they don’t want to have sex anymore the other person may agree to keep the family together but go and get what they want elsewhere.

Actually - turns out most marriages don’t actually break up upon discovery of infidelity. At least not according to the counsellors working with couples for years.
For many marriages it leads to a rebuilding and rediscovering their connection. Addressing issues long swept under rugs. Etc.
Ester Perel calls it building Marriage 2.0.

Often when one persons decides they don’t want to have sex anymore the other person may agree to keep the family together but go and get what they want elsewhere.

Lying and adultery! I'd kicking him out for being that bloody stupid in general, not just for being lazy with his tracks.

A friend at work hired a private detective her suspicions were right and she had proof of photos. She divorced him.

Whatever the hell is going on, op, it's not good. You need to take control and find out exactly what's what. You need to go to that location and see for yourself.

I am sure you were shocked and now very upset. You say you have a sexless marriage now, he obviously has slipped up massively. If your husband came to you before and offered to open the marriage up would you have agreed? Some wives are happy to do that to keep the status quo. You both keep the security of marriage and he can get his needs met elsewhere. You have the choice then to seek fulfilment elsewhere too. Just a thought. I assume you have talked about the intimacy issue, if you have and he said it’s not an issue but is now having an affair then clearly it’s time to face up to this and make decisions with the future of your marriage or if it can survive infidelity.

@Boorosie. Did you think he was happy and Ok with a celebrate marriage? It is very rare that one party is, especially male although not impossible?

The OP hasn't commented on why her marriage is celibate.

But if this was not the DH's choice, then I'm not surprised if he has found sex elsewhere. It's almost inevitable really isn't it and I'm always amazed by the faux naivety on here from women who expect DHs to tolerate years of celibacy without complaint (illness, disability and childbirth excepting of course).

If the celibacy is NOT the OP's choice then of course my answer is different.

Either way, it's not looking good.

Ask him about it but it sounds like he's cheating
Have you had discussions about the lack of sex?
Not looking good though

Definitely sounds like he's up to something.

Unfortunately like other people's comments, I think men are far more likely to go and find sex elsewhere if they aren't getting it at home.

Is it a sexless marriage because you no longer find each other attractive, or is it much deeper than that?

Hi Boorsie,
Sorry to read that you are going through this. It must be an awful shock.
What ages are you guys? Did you always have a good sex life up until recent times?
Was it a sudden change in the relationship that resulted in the ceasing of the intimacy? Was your husband happy with this situation.

Some of the above questions might help pinpoint the issue and assist in identifying where to go from here.

Best of luck.

Aren't the local holiday chalet parks closed at the moment?

I think that if it was the DH choice to be celibate then this is a terrible betrayal, on so many levels .
If this choice was not made by your DH but he has just gone along with it , there still is a betrayal as he should have spoken to you about his unhappiness with the arrangement, rather than sneak off behind your back , but I guess I understand it a bit more . Often within a relationship one person withdraws sexually, whilst the other ends up having to accept it , but it often leads to resentment and sometimes someone looking outside the marriage to scratch the itch .

Perhaps he enjoys sex ?