Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

[Chickencuddle]

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

Well done OP 💐

Brilliant news OP. Between now and then, you might lose your nerve or he might be nice and you’ll think it’s not that bad. Just keep reading through your other thread, especially the bits where your kids are getting exposed

Thank you. She didnt enf up phoning she must have got busy. Maybe tomorrow. I do keep going back and forth and I got upset putting the washing out because i was thinking now i really wont have anyone at all who loves me or who will help me or care for me if i ever need it. But another part of my head was saying that that's not a good enough reason to stay. That I have to set a good example for my children and do what's best for them. So just keep moving forward even if it hurts. I feel like when it happens and I leave my heart will be ripped from my chest. I do still love him. I know I sound wierd.

Well done OP, it can't be easy

Hey, I've been reading your thread and I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. I know it's so tough. I've been there! I finally plucked up the courage to leave my abusive partner 3 years ago. Since then I have met someone who has shown me what is like to be truly loved, I haven't looked back since. Unfortunately my abusive ex is the father to my little girl so he does get to see her in a contact centre but I'm so glad I'm no longer in that relationship. I moved 200miles away to get away from him. I ended up in a mother and baby refuge. Leaving him to break the cycle of abuse is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I found myself reaching out to people on forums and I found it helped me the most, I felt less alone. Honestly if I can do it, you can too! If you ever want to talk, we're always here! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Stay strong, you've got this! Reaching out is the first step, it'll be a tough old journey but it's SO worth it when you're out and you're free. I know it's not what you want to think about straight away but you will meet someone who will show you what it's like to be truly loved. You're not alone x

i was thinking now i really wont have anyone at all who loves me or who will help me or care for me if i ever need it

You don't have that anyway though OP, not really. You have a little bit, every now and then, mixed up with a shitload of abuse. You and DC deserve so so much better than that.
I think you are so brave. Keep going, you can do this xxx

Oh, sending you huge hugs @Chickencuddle. It must be very scary for you but you know you can't live like this for the rest of your life, or your kids'. I know it must seem that you have someone who loves you now and again, if he decides to show it. His actions aren't those of someone who loves you. I'm sure you'll have bad days when you think you've made the wrong decision but reach out to people for support, sounds like you have some good friends. You're a fantastic mum, your kids will thank you one day for taking them away from that abusive brute.

I’m glad you’ve made the decision to leave. Good luck.

You don't have that love now. If he loved you he wouldn't do these things to you

Hope your ok x

Well done OP, keep going.

You don't have someone who loves you now- you have someone who's abusive to both you and your little kids.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2380759-DH-has-left-again?pg=1
@Chickencuddle This is a long read but make sure you get to the end, I'm hoping it will inspire you.

Everything ok OP?

Hope you’re okay OP!

Hey I'm ok.
Thanks for the thread link. I've not read it all yet. think I'm about half way through. I dont know. I feel a bit deflated reading it. This lady is inspirational in the way she handled it but it highlights to me again how hard it was and yet she has a good job. Savings. Family that will help her. Etc
I feel like I'm going to give my kids a shit life on my own. I also feel incredibly guilty talking about dh behind his back etc and also it's my birthday and I know he has got me a gift and his family have got me gifts and I may be leaving him soon. I feel like I shoukdnt get them.

Husband talking about cancelling loan in his name and taking one out in my name as its taking so long. Trying really hard to stop him doing this. He doesnt see why though

Oh forgot t say phoned womens aid again as support worker hadnt been in contact and they said she is off sick. Back monday so will phone again this week.

Husband talking about cancelling loan in his name and taking one out in my name as its taking so long.

Noooooooooo, this is one of his tricks OP. Don't let him. xxxx If he tries it you can call whatever company it is and say you don't authorize it.

You're making the right decision. xxx

Ok thank you.
He is being ok at the moment but everything has to be his way. I was halfway through homework with the kids this morning at 10.30 we had said we would leave at 11 but I dont know why but he wanted to go kept asking about getting the kids in the car etc. I said I would just finish the homework but when I ran upstairs to grab something he took the younger two and put them in the car so I had to leave homework and go because they were getting upset in the car.
At the park and when he decides it's time to leave that's it.
If he wants me to do something he will stand over me asking again and again even if I say' hold on just 1 sec I'm just doing this' he doesnt listen and just keeps repeating it and then getting annoyed if I dont do it straight away
It's just tiring. Not abusive. But maybe controlling? I dont know just when he is here it's his schedule and maybe I'm not used to that with not having it during the week

Op please don't let him put that loan in your name. How much are we actually talking about?

I think its 6 grand. Yeah I dnt want it in my name either. It's to pay for a van that he doesnt even need yet. He now has 2 Van's and only using the 1 and they are both perfectly fine but his van was old and he wanted one as a backup. I said no because the business isnt in my name. But I do some of the accounts. Clean his van and equipment sometimes put orders in etc so he said that it would be fine in my name but I said its dodgy and not to do that but dont know what else to say when he is questioning me.

All our savings have gone and he has used all money in the account plus borrowed some off his grandad to pay for the van so needs the loan back to put back into account and give money back to his grandad etc

Oh, honey. Controlling IS abusive.

Finally managed to arrange to meet up with the lady from womens aid. Not until next week. Really nervous about it.

That’s good you have arranged to meet with her. It’s completely understandable to be nervous OP, just take things one small step at a time and remember that she is there to help you.

That's brilliant you have an appointment OP.

He sounds horrible.

Whatever you do, do NOT get that loan on your name.