Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

[Chickencuddle]

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

Death by a thousand papercuts

What else does he do though? Apart from constantly worry about what you are doing

Not much really at the moment he is being very nice tbh. Like I said before I feel like I dreamt it all. If he is like this all the time and doesnt go back to the other stuff things would be really good.

I meant with his time he seems to be dangerously obsessed with you and that is a concern for your safety and your childrens

Hope your doing ok OP & you have had a chance to meet up with WA?

I'm ok. I had to cancel unfortunately but asked to rearrange and she booked me in for next week.
Husband has been alot calmer and good with the kids although now he just ignores bad behaviour altogether. If one child is being mean to the other. Just ignores it. Etc.
I was thinking it was all me. My fault in some way as how cab he be so different all of a sudden.
Then last night he was touching me I asked him to stop so many times I needed sleep it was 1 am I have no sleep with my toddler up every hour. He kept on then eventually stopped. But then I woke in the night to him touching me again and he wouldnt stop despite me moving his hands and telling him over and over getting cross. He wouldn't let me sleep so in the end jyst let him do it. The confusing thing is I enjoy it once I give in. But after I feel bad and the next day I feel bad. Because I didnt want to and I would have preffered sleep at 2am tbh. (I know boring) but he wouldnt take no for an answer. Half of me think to myself "you could have done more. You could have screamed at him or somehow made him Sleep on the couch" but another part is saying "you said no he should have listened."
I'm just so so tired.
Today he has been really gropey and trying to full on snog me constantly. When I'm making dinner or getting playdoh out for my toddler or when we are in the car ready to pick up kids from school
He makes me feel bad that I dont want to snog him constantly. I'm fine with a peck but full on snogging constantly I just dont feel like it when I'm in middle of my day with the kids. I dont know maybe it's just me. Maybe I have problems with intimacy and I'm not normal.

You are normal.

No one would want to be intimate with someone who treats you the way he does.

I'm so sorry. But every time he makes you have sex against your will it's rape.

He doesn't treat you like a person. And the way he behaves in front of your children is revolting.

I hope you are able to get help soon

Oh @Chickencuddle I've been thinking about you often & wondering how you are.
This little voice you said no he should have listened inside you - listen to this little voice. It's right.

He is a rapist.

He will not change.

You need to get out.

He didnt rape me the other night sorry I read that back and I didnt specify. Was other stuff.
I went on the old phone we c
Keep charging for kids to watch netflix on sometimes or whatever . I never go on it. we just use it for the kids. But today my whole died andbi was trying to order a stocking filler. So I went on this phone and found my Facebook page up. I mean...it must have been recently because it was logged in. I definitely remember double checking a while back that I was definitely logged out. I cant say for definite but it makes me suspicious that he is checking my facebook. I dont know how he knows my password though as I changed it....so I could be wrong I just dont understand what happened there. He has been making lots of sexual innuendos. Touching me up at every opportunity. Everything is sexual.
I feel really guilty or bad, because I'm not reciprocating. He keeps saying ti me "dont you love me" like today I had been with the kids. Fed them got them to bed all on my own as usual which with 3 kids is tiring. Then I cleaned up downstairs and went straight into writing my assignment fr college. Then had to stop to come settle toddler who woke. Then 7 year old woke screaming with growing pains. Then 5 year old wakes because of noise. I deal with it all..I havnt even showered yet or had a drink or anything so quickly go and get showered in the ensuite. Get changed in our room. My dd is now in our bed. He is feeling my boobs and touching me up. Grabbing at my bits while I get changed. I told him to stop and he said why I told him dd right there. He said to come in the other room. I said no I'm getting a shower and he said come on jyst for 2 minutes. Why come on it will be quick
Then when I said no I'm tired I need a shower etc
He got upset and kept asking if I still love him. Saying I seemed distant. I told him I just have so much to so and I'm so tired. But maybe i am being unfair. I dont know.

Sorry alot of that doesnt seem relevant. The reason I put what I had done all day was because he said I hadnt been paying him much attention etc but I'm just so busy i dont even get time for me. So when I cab finally rest I sometimes do just want to rest. I feel like I've been doing everything for everyone all day which is great I love it but at the same time I need a break.
Dont know if that makes any sense. Sorry

I have rtft and am horrified.

Had hoped WA would be the first time point for you to get to but this just isn't happening.
I want to say {again} that there is NO grey/blurry in doubt question that you are being abused.
This is not a life lived, this is a paper thin life oppressed and controlled.
I know you have been reduced to believing that you may not be worth more, but you DO know your children are worth more than this.
You do know this is all so wrong ~you have posted so much ~trust those instincts.
PLEASE ❤️

Your children are witnessing their mum being sexually assaulted and demeaned over and over and over again. They are going to be treating you like he does soon (not sexually, but verbally.) You are simply NOT A PERSON in this house, with this man!

What do you mean verbally? Noone has witnessed anything though dd was asleep at this stage but I still didnt want to do anything with her just there. Shes 7 if that helps

It means they will treat you like a non-person and have no respect just like he does.

I'm so sorry OP. He's treating you so badly. You have to find a way to get out.

OP I’m so sorry to hear that you are still in this awful situation.

Your husband is raping you every time he is pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to do. When you say no he should respect that, not keep going until you say yes.

There is some useful info about this on the Brook website which explains it well www.brook.org.uk/your-life/sex-and-consent/ and here too rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/
I understand that thinking of it as rape is scary but that is what is happening here. Sadly a high number of rape happens within relationships or by someone you know even though people often think of it happening by a random person which isn’t the case very often.

I really hope you are able to get help, you really do deserve so much more than this. Please don’t ever doubt that.

OP when somebody says something you almost defend him like
Oh no she wasn’t near.. what about this when you first posted 8 months ago:

“ For example I have been very poorly recently ended up in a and e and still feeling very ill on the way home from A and E he grabbed my hand and made me touch his boner. I was like why have you got a boner now. He was just like "can you sort it out for me."
The kids were asleep in the back but could have woken up at any minute. I said no u felt awful and anyway the kids are in the back and it's not right to do hat when they are there.
He was all aww you could just Bob your head down or use your hand and be discreet”

He is literally asking you to give him oral sex or masturbate him in the car where your children are, please
Stop defending this monster. You have been told by hundreds of posters now that this is abuse, you know it is. Men do not ask their wife to give them oral sex in front of their children (who could wake any moment) while you are on the way back from A+E!!

I think you should read both your threads from the start with just your posts, and realise how bad it is. Just because he’s ‘been nice recently’ so fucking what murderers don’t kill somebody everyday but they are still murders, abusers don’t have to abuse everyday to be an abuser. Your life is spent on edge round this pathetic human, imagine a life where you can potter around the house and not be groped or spoke to in sexual manner, your eldest is 7 in a couple of years she will start to understand snippets of what she hears. Please find the strength I know it is hard but this is no life for you or them. It will be hard but so is this, I feel for you I really do but it’s time to stop trying to rationalise what he does and act. This is your life you don’t get to repeat these years xx

Your 7 year DD was in bed with you and he was touching you - that is so inappropriate it verging on child abuse - what would have happened if she had woken up

Your children are living in a sexualised environment - he is the one whose boundaries are off (what is his childhood like as his behaviour in front of his children is all kinds of wrong

They are getting to the age where they may start acting out some of what they see in the home (and I cant believe they dont see any of the groping or snogging) at school and the red flags would get safeguarding procedures in place so quickly

Why was the meeting cancelled this week with WA?

Like a previous poster said, hundreds of posters on here are telling you this is abuse. Not one person on this thread or your previous thread has said that you are overreacting or that he's not doing anything wrong. You know it's wrong. Stop minimising what he is doing.

@Chickencuddle

Sorry alot of that doesnt seem relevant. The reason I put what I had done all day was because he said I hadnt been paying him much attention etc but I'm just so busy i dont even get time for me. So when I cab finally rest I sometimes do just want to rest. I feel like I've been doing everything for everyone all day which is great I love it but at the same time I need a break. Dont know if that makes any sense. Sorry

Yes it all makes perfect sense OP. You're doing everything around the house, for the kids, and then to top it all off you've got him trying to grope you, feel you up, in the day, and rape you in the night (yes it's rape, what he's doing). Your DD is 7, that's old enough to see and understand what's going on. She will grow up thinking this is normal, and the pattern will continue. Please please start making a plan to get out. Now the kids are back at school can't you have a chat to WA over the phone in the day? There's such a better life for you out there.

What if your 7 year old wasn’t asleep? What if she woke up? Are you completely sure she didn’t? REALLY??? It’s NOT NORMAL TO HAVE SEX IN BED WITH A CHILD!!!

I hope your doing ok OP? I've just read a thread on here called "Social Media stalking?" (I don't know how to copy the link) It might be worth having a read as the OP has a similar story to yours & it might give you some perspective on your situation. 💐

I'm ok. Thank you I'll take a look.
Few tiny things happening here and there but nothing major. Yesterday he was on at me about our 2 year old having a pen in her hand I was busy and he was just sat there so I said something like "do you want to take it off her then" then I turned and walked to put something in the bin across the room. As I started walking he came from the opposite direction and deliberately barged into me puffing his chest out as he did it. He has done it before and I've asked him not to because it hurts this time was so hard I felt a bit winded I said ow that really hurt and he just laughed like he was joking or its just a funny bit of banter.
He has been touching me in my sleep alot recently and groping me frequently throughout the day. I asked him to stop as I'm exhausted atm and just dont feel like it but he wont and tells me I want it but I'm tired at the same time.
Anyway that's a very brief update. Seeing WA lady on fridsy.

This is so awful, he is so abusive. Sorry to hear about the recents assaults OP, it just breaks my heart. He is treating you as a possession that he is entitled to do with as he likes. He doesn’t care about what you want and your well-being. I’m thinking of you, it all sounds so tough and mentally exhausting for you. I really hope you get the support you need from the Women’s Aid lady
on Friday.

I think you need to be very honest with her, tell her everything you have said on here. Things he has done to you, What you are unhappy with, what you’re feeling, what you are worried about. She will not judge you, she is there to help you, please take the opportunity for help.

Read the social media stalker thread as PP suggested. 10 years similar behaviours ( except without the rape) it may give you hope as to what the women’s charities and stuff offer. She’s similar
Situation, had to quit job to leave him etc but she’s done it, within 6 days she’s already on her second house viewing etc. That will be you one day I’m certain of it you can do it. You confronted him before and he acted sorry and sad that it was rape, so now he’s FULLY AWARE of what he’s doing (he was before but..) and he’s still choosing to do it. Tell WA everything, tell her how often the touching you in your sleep is getting. How lazy he is and bossy and controlling. Make 2021 your year xxx

Hi OP why did you need to cancel Women’s aid last time?
You need to get out or get him out - we know he’s abusive, sexually abusive and controlling. He knows he can do these things and you will comply. This is why he’s trying to control your movements and is following you round. He’s an absolute bully - your children are being damaged by him - how will they treat there wives and husbands.
What message are you giving them -
I had an abusive childhood and its damaged me - you are damaged no doubt but please get out for your children’s sake - do it for them.
I personally will not come back to this thread. It’s too triggering for me.

I'll take a look properly when I have more time to read through it all. Read first few pages.
It was totally my fault about cancelling WA last time. I accidentally booked my food shop for same day and time and didnt realise until the day. I couldn't cancel food shop as husband would know and wonder why.