Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

[Chickencuddle]

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

OP
You could use the option to "show all OP's posts".
C&P directly into an email.
Just remove your username from each post.

OP you are in urgent need now.. is there someone else is WA OP can call? Im not sure how this works, but I am fearful for you OP.. two weeks is too long 🌺

Thanks for everyone's replies but I have told womens aid lady the things which are going on and i think I'm just going to wsot until I see her and can speak to her. I dont want to push it she has given me her answer and I feel it is with good reason and it would be rude for me to push it

Not really bothered by this but just to update husband didnt quality for the loan so he used all our savings and money in account to buy a second van which is just sitting in our driveway so far.. but never mind. At least we dont have a loan to pay back.

No not at all
So really what else can you do to get out?

Go to police ask for him to be removed ???

Ask for someone else from WA to help?

You need out
Soon these children's lives will be ruined by a nasty creep he is just awful

I escaped from one so it is all too familiar to me

I dont think 2 weeks will make much difference at this point. I'm just struggling because I'm thinking about it all the time and worrying and not knowing.

Wishing you well OP.
You do need him to take the burden off you in terms of house work and childcare. When you see him about to turn on his xbox or flick through TV, ask him for help? Whilst I'm doing x, could you help me do y?
Its why at night he has so much energy and you don't.
And if he does say no coz he's busy/tired /doesn't know how to do it. Just say yeah me too, I haven't stopped today, and plonk down next to him! If those excuses work for him, they should work for you too.
Can't wait for the WA meeting! I really hope she will be helpful.
OP, it might be best to organise your thoughts, as you may not have too much time with her. Tell her a few choice examples of what you have experienced, and focus on the key thing - how to leave him.
OP where abouts in the UK are you?

Could you email the local police force and explain that you are getting abused at home but can’t make a phone call or pop to the station to talk to them so could they contact you asking for a witness statement either from a traffic incident or something in your past like whether Joe Bloggs made inappropriate comments to you as a child? You need to get out ASAP but carefully

But what in two weeks
You have the meeting
Nothing much happens

What then!!

I'm saying this for your sake !!!
Be very very careful here
Your kids are damaged daily

Hopefully I will know my options and how I can do this. Hopefully.
How did you get out and get your own place etc?

I fled when. The bad--- tried to kill me

Had to move in with my step mum and father
With a tiny baby

These men don't know when to stop

Your situation is v v worrying
I say this as a victim and survivor and its similar to mine in many ways

I really think you need to believe that you can do this

He truly is awful
Your poor innocent kids

If you stay longer they will he damaged long term
Sorry to scare you

Some of the things he does gives me the chills
They will grow up in fear around him

He should be prosecuted!!!!!!!!!!

Others on here - am I overreacting to what he has done ?
It all sounds so sad and yes so hard to remove yourself from YES 😢😢😢😢😢😭

Can you not tell him to leave? Rather than it be you having to leave with the young children? Considering he makes out to everyone he’s so great, he’s not going to rock the boat and risk them seeing the real him? If you perhaps asked his dad and Stepmum to come round and sit downstairs with the kids while you told him upstairs? And then he could leave with them. Then it gives you time to sort your options without having to wait weeks for appointments,
You can literally just ring them. There’s a post on here yesterday about a woman who was threatened by her partner and within days woman’s aid had helped her, and that was threats, your husband has raped you and sexually assaulted you your entire
Marriage. And he’s gaslighted you to feeling your imagining this abuse,
You are not. Bless you xx

Dublin girl so I'm sorry but you had somewhere to go. I do not if I did it would be alot easier. I have zero family. Nothing. His family live in england

Cinders...again his family live in england. We live in northern ireland so cant just ring them to come help. Also they would love to come over but cant atm due tk covid only seen them twice this whole year and not seen any of his other family.
He is not threatening me now. He is not doing anything bad atm. I have told womens aid what is happening I dont know why someone else got help so quickly possibly theh were in real danger for their life?

Also I am worried about his reaction to me asking him to leave or telling him it's over. I'm a bit scared tbh.

Ok I also think you are trying your best
Not meaning to be harsh

I don't think asking him to go while in the house is the way forward

He needs to be put out
Which would mean police and court I think
Which yes is very hard

It can't continue

And maybe he is nice 3 days out of 7
So what
He has done terrible things

They do the whole cycle of abuse to confuse us
My monster used to do that then maybe 3 good weeks
Followed by a week of hell
Rape
Knife to neck
Hitting me while I slept you name it
Then three weeks of total calm
Madness

Made me doubt myself

OP I know it is so so tough
Do not rely on WA as they have been v busy and really someone should have been on to this sooner
But you need a plan

Oh yes I’m not saying your in the wrong here, I’m saying I’m surprised W.A haven’t helped you sooner. I understand to you he doesn’t feel an immediate threat, but them knowing What he has done in your sleep etc I assumed
You would be quite a high priority. I understand they are busy but it seems you have had the chase thEm quite abit. I agree with Dublingirl that I wouldn’t usually Suggest you stay in the house and him leave, but in this case when you physically have nowhere else to go that’s why I thought it may be for the best.
I didn’t realise his family weren’t where
You are. Does he have any family local? Keep your head up and keep going xx

Keep going

It is so hard

I tried and after 25 attempts I made it out

So flipping hard

Don't lose sight of the peace
The happiness
And your innocent kids who deserve so much more as do YOU xxxxxx

@Chickencuddle - I am wondering if you perhaps minimised what is happening WA like you did at the beginning of this thread too. I understand that it is hard to open up, and that you question whether what he asks of you is normal. Please assume that it is not. It’s really not. Creating this level of anxiety and fear in a relationship and with your own children to hold a position of power/to get your own way is not normal. It’s dictatorial and evil. Throw in the sexual stuff and it’s sick and twisted and cruel. You do not exist as a person to this man. Your feelings don’t matter. Your children’s feelings don’t matter. Only his. You know this isn’t safe.

How are you today? How’s he been behaving? I agree with the previous poster. You need to state quite clearly to WA you are being raped often. You are being financially and mentally controlled and you are terrified of him and his reactions. You think that’s exaggerating but it honestly is not.

You are minimizing things that are a big deal and you’ve been made to feel so small and as if your feelings don’t matter when they matter enormously. You are not allowed to be free to live your life and make your own choices with this man. You need to break free from him. Can you do the freedom program online?

Please make steps forward. We are here and we will help as much as possible. But you need to keep helping yourself. Reading why does he do that, or doing the freedom program are two very definite steps you could take to help yourself get out of this situation.

You are worth SO MUCH MORE than this.

Justilou I dony think I minimized it. I gave the facts. Not in detail but just the very brief facts.

He has been fine the last week. Actually been really really nice. No shouting. Kind. Gentle. Makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong or I'm making a big deal of things or I'm imagining it because look at how things are now. If it was lime this all the time things would be great. What if he never goes back to what he was like before. What if he is nice always now.

Although such a tiny thing but just got a letter through the post. I very rarely get mail. Even Bill's are addressed to him etc. So he saw it on the mat and brought it out to me. I was playing with the kids. He insisted I opened it there and then. Told me to stop playing with them and open it first. He handed it to me and then as I walked off trying to read it ny dd asked him to continue the game we had been playing but he told her to wait a minute and followed me literally right next to me reading over my shoulder as if he expected it to be something I shouldnt have. Wouldnt let me read it alone. It was nothing of any importance and he was fone with it but I dont get why he does that and it's a little annoying. As I said tiny thing and feel like I'm making it a big deal by posting it but anyway...

I don’t think you are making a big deal about the letter OP, it was a very controlling thing for him to do! He wants to control all aspects of your life

Little things add up. They do little things because you don’t notice as much. Then before you know it they control every aspect of your life and it wasn’t very noticeable, until it is.

Op, this man is absolutely horrible and controlling and will never ever change. The end!

Cinders sometimes I think that it is alot of little things all onto of me at once. I know its sp silly but walking in the house before I had literally just stepped in the house and he was jumping on me "take your shoes off!" I'd literally just walked in. On top of me all the time about everything. Or that's how I feel
It must be exhausting for him to always look out for everything lol.