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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

712 replies

Underpressure13 · 28/08/2020 20:55

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation Shock
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

OP posts:
Dodie66 · 29/08/2020 20:53

I just did a quick google and it said Realtek Audio driver is the software that helps your operating system to communicate with audio devices such as sound cards and speakers. He is watching you or listening to you

Alongcameacat · 29/08/2020 21:00

Doesn’t every pc need something to communicate with in order to have audio? I don’t know much about computers but a quick google didn’t throw up any concerns. I don’t think the microphone should always be on but that can be muted?

newnameforthis123 · 29/08/2020 21:04

So now you know he's spied on you with the doggy cam thing and that he's using software to listen to you through your PC.

You know that now.

So what's the plan?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2020 21:07

DH (IT) says switch off your internet access and wifi, ask him for the admin password, check it's correct, take it to a computer shop and they can look for what's on there.

If he freaks out, you have an answer.

SoulofanAggron · 29/08/2020 21:08

I asked my friend who has a computer science degree, and he said not much can be done via Bluetooth. It is very short range. He wouldn't have put anything extra inside the device either- he could just put a bug directly in the kitchen.

To do anything with an Iphone is quite difficult.

Apparently on Amazon you can buy bug detectors quite cheaply, you could go round the house with it. If it detects a bug it beeps. www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=bug+detector&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Either way, this guy is really not nice. One way or another he's creepy and you need to have as little to do with him as possible.

GingerBeverage · 29/08/2020 21:14

Some people interpret obsession and control as love. As in 'He wouldn't go to all this trouble if he didn't love me soooo much'.
You mention him being cool with you walking with your male friend. Did that annoy you a bit? Were you looking forward to his negative reaction?
I think it is going to take a lot worse than spying for OP to drop this man, and I expect he knows he has plenty of room to push further.
Wishing you the best, though I do suggest you have some counselling regarding boundaries.

chergar · 29/08/2020 21:22

Is the Realtek thing not just your laptop microphone? Can you mute it? Do you use headphones with the laptop?

Get the admin password and delete everything he has put on or link it to your email address, if you really don't feel comfortable still doing that ask your mum to set up a new email address for you at her house/work and give you the details on a piece of paper.

But really going to all that trouble doesn't seem worth it if you keep this guy in your life, you will always have doubts and trying to lay traps to catch him out seems absurd considering you don't even live together.

Go to the police station and speak to someone there about your fears, leave your phone and all tech in the car when you do to ensure he has no way of listening to what you are doing and get the police to check over your house, computer, phone, and anything else that can broadcast.

You clearly don't trust him, get hep to break free and get him out of your life.

mintyfreshh · 29/08/2020 21:23

Can you take your laptop to a police station? I'm serious!

mintyfreshh · 29/08/2020 21:24

I've done a bit of digging and Realtek seems to be spyware. I would be double locking the house OP, and going to the police tomorrow.

JulesCobb · 29/08/2020 21:26

My husband just said when youre on the hotspot see who is connected and kick them off. Change passwords. And ask for approval if anyone wants to join the hotspot. And look around the house. My friends ex husband said something once he couldnt have possibly known and so she started searching and found a recording device. Change your phone password. Check to see whose thumb print is saved on your phone.

Namechange2020onceagain · 29/08/2020 21:42

Realtec is not spyware. It is the name of the audio on your laptop. If you get rid of it, you will not be able to hear anything on videos etc. The mic COULD be used to listen in, but you would need to find the other software that allows this remotely.

As I said, get a professional to check you devices. It is the only way you can be sure.

Pluckedpencil · 29/08/2020 21:44

Echo dot

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2020 21:51

@mintyfreshh

I've done a bit of digging and Realtek seems to be spyware. I would be double locking the house OP, and going to the police tomorrow.
Hmm
SoulofanAggron · 29/08/2020 21:53

@mintyfreshh RealTek is the default sound thing that comes with a Windows computer out of the box. Nothing dodgy about it, at least as it comes.

MarthasGinYard · 29/08/2020 21:55

Realtek are just the bloody speakers on all our laptops in this house and there's no spyware in this gaff Hmm

AcrossthePond55 · 29/08/2020 21:56

If he's in IT/computers then he knows what he's doing. A rank amateur isn't going to be able to poke around their computer and recognize most (or all) of what he's installed. It's not like it'll be labelled "HeyImSpyware" or whatever.

You could ask him about all the the things you suddenly noticed that he's 'admin' for and tell him that you want to know what they all are and that you want to be the admin yourself (since it's your computer) so he'll need to help you 'fix that'. See what he says.

Or just take your laptop to a shop and have them scan it for spyware for you. They'll also be able to tell you what those 'admin' software things are.

At this point, is your computer password protected? It should be. See if he unlocks it without thinking.

Pluckedpencil · 29/08/2020 21:56

He is listening to you somehow, it's crystal clear. I would confront him and just say you know he is listening, so the only thing if he wants this to continue is honesty. If he won't be honest, I'd tell him it's over. He isn't psychic, he listened in.

Welshgal85 · 29/08/2020 21:59

Realtek isn’t spyware, it’s the Windows software the allows your microphone in your laptop to work. The movements going up and down you saw was the laptop registering the noise you made when you coughed.

Sciencebabe · 29/08/2020 22:03

My friend's ex husband set up something on her phone and he could read everything she did. I'd try taking your phone in to a phone shop to see if it is bugged.

PingPongPam · 29/08/2020 22:06

Christ man. Run for the hills.

awesomeaircraft · 29/08/2020 22:13

If he is the admin of your internet browser, I would assume he can access your internet history, including mums net posting tbh. What about online banking, etc. I must say I don't like the general picture of what you are describing. It feels you have been alienated from your own home internet set up.

I would not expect anyone to set up anything on my computer/network on my behalf without talking me through it all.

Can you reset your computer and change your passwords asap?

shazzz1xx · 29/08/2020 22:16

would defo day he’s watching/listening to you.. what you gunna do.. if he is he will see all these posts anyhow x

shazzz1xx · 29/08/2020 22:16

JUST TURN EVERYTHING OFF FOR NOW

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/08/2020 22:21

I think my username is appropriate here

overnightangel · 29/08/2020 22:24

This is genuinely terrifying