DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

[Underpressure13]

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

[PuckyMup]

Any more updates?

[LadyEloise]

Great idea Underpressure13 to get the computer company to check everything and to get the house checked over.
Oh gosh I'd hate to think I and my children were being spied on in my own home.

Take care. He may turn very ugly.

[Blerg]

Hi OP, just read through the full thread. What a horrible time for you.

I hope you are feeling happy with your decision, and not thinking if you don’t find definitive proof it might not be over? As you’ve recognised, is really is time to focus on you 💐

[Underpressure13]

Thanks everyone - I have made an appointment with a computer company and will check the house and reset everything once I’ve had a chance to save my photos etc . It’s a good point about the safeguarding , should any sort of hidden cam come to light . He told me that I was being criminal in insinuating that he might have done something like that - he was incensed. I’m determined to get to the bottom of it and will keep going until I get a definitive answer . I really hope the device checks reveal something concrete - it would help me so much to have proper closure , mentally , knowing without a shadow of a doubt that my instincts were spot on.

[TorkTorkBam]

Do take your devices to be wiped of spyware. Don't delay on that bit.

Your employment at a school would be at risk if they discover you had good reason to believe you and your children were being filmed covertly and you did not take action to be 100% sure it was stopped.

[wildcherries]

Agree with newnameforthis123 but wish you good luck in the future.

[Jeezthisishard]

Good for you OP. And I said it before and will say it again, I think some people on here are just being awful and I'm not sure why. I think many of us here have been in situations where we have to question the integrity of our partners and even with glaring evidence still question our own decision making and certainties. I actually think you've come to this decision quite quickly and can see why you would have taken explanations earlier on and doubted yourself. That's human nature with big decisions, not least of all I am sure you won't have wanted to believe it, and we tend to cling to a scrap of hope or truth. So many posts on here are like that.

I hope the new job goes great and you go from strength to strength.

[PamDenick]

You should contact the Safeguarding Lead at your children's school, and also speak to your own safeguarding lead at your school (if they are different) as your children have been unknowingly filmed/recorded.

And the police.

This is a big deal. Don't minimise it.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

Good for you! You deserve happiness x

[TheMistressQuickly]

Good God - so many red flags and not just on this post. Get rid once and for all!!!

[newnameforthis123]

@PickwickThePlockingDodo

Pity you haven't been as assertive to the bloody freak who's been spying on you and your DC for 2 years.

I think a lot of people have been sceptical because it's all so unbelievable.
If it's true then you've done the right thing.
Look after your DC and yourself.
Onwards and upwards.

While you'll probably think this poster is being harsh, they are absolutely correct. You need to acknowledge your part in perpetuating the drama of this (not on MN, I mean by continuing to engage with him for so long in real life despite SO many red flags ongoing) in order to keep you and your children safe in future.

[PickwickThePlockingDodo]

Pity you haven't been as assertive to the bloody freak who's been spying on you and your DC for 2 years.

I think a lot of people have been sceptical because it's all so unbelievable.
If it's true then you've done the right thing.
Look after your DC and yourself.
Onwards and upwards.

[Underpressure13]

Honestly ! Give me strength ?! All that’s happened and all some of you care about is now whether I’m lying about starting a new job ?! It’s supposed to be a positive thing when a person starts a new job !
I work at a school now - the first start was for the inset prep days the week before and then I started properly the Monday just gone . Prior to that ( in the past 3 weeks or so , I also came off furlough and began a new role which lasted around 2 weeks then I quickly applied for and got this one) Jobs are all over the place in Covid times Incase you’d forgotten . It’s necessary to move fast to keep mouths fed and all that !
Thanks so much for turning the one good thing that’s happened to me recently into an opportunity to question me further . It beggars belief .
Stop shooting women down instead of building them up . Most people don’t come to or use MN to be questioned about their honesty . Maybe some make things up, but I imagine the majority of us are really just after good advice and to try to make our lives better . Please stop this incessant questioning of people when it is totally off OP topic .

[User43210]

@Lisette1940 I did think that but then someone else said she's starting her job the next day and she didn't correct.

And that was a lot later in the thread so nobody was saying someone starting a job the next day was lying, they were saying the lies start sooner.

I guess nobody will ever know one way or another. I'm not usually a sceptic (but I do analyse things that seen odd) but there are a few things that don't ring true.

[Lisette1940]

user I think the OP was referring back in the September 6 post. The new job started 2 September, I think.

[CornishTiger]

Good luck Op - look at freedom programme too.

[User43210]

I'm really confused @Underpressure13
On Sept 1 you wrote

I’m not sure which way to play this now - I’m starting a new job tomorrow

On Sept 6 you wrote

I doubt a busy working mum of two young children starting a new job in the morning really has time to make up stories .

When was the new job??

[Theramin]

SO bloody relieved by your latest update. Well done.

[Mix56]

He is bluffing, also he has probably remotely removed the incriminating stuff now, as he is administator! So Nothing to hide!

[Tomatoesneedtoripen]

good luck

[Underpressure13]

I have finally ended it . He still insists he did nothing wrong and has no idea how any of that has happened , insists none of those files are to do with him and says I’m of that way of thinking, therefore I’m looking for problems where there are none and he feels insulted that I could imagine him capable of being a stalker / hacker etc etc . He tells me to take the equipment to the police so that at least I will know it wasn’t him .
Regardless of knowing 100% if it was him or not , I recognise it was toxic and not healthy for me . I don’t want to be in relationship again for a very long time as these two have left me spinning with confusion and questioning myself and my own instincts which are usually spot on.
I know it took me 3 weeks to get to this end but I’m proud I’ve made the leap now . Thanks to all of you who helped and advised - not only those who were lovely and supportive but those who didn’t mince their words and were pretty blunt and hurtful too - it all helped to wake me up to the seriousness of the situation .
I am going to take the laptop to a specialist and get my phone looked at too . I might also buy the bug equipment to test the house . Then I’ll factory reset everything and begin again - including a factory reset for myself - one which includes a narcissist detector !
I’m looking forward to a simple Autumn with my family , enjoying the new job and getting my house and life in order - ready for happier times ahead .
Thanks to you all 💐

[yecannyshoveyergranny]

Why aren't you more pissed off at him? You have kids you're supposed to protect but you're not annoyed in the slightest.

[rayoflightboy]

I mentioned her kids pages back.Did it ever occur to you @Underpressure13 he's not spying on you.But your kids.
Men do go after women with children so they can abuse the kids.

I think you're being rather blasé about the whole thing.

[JulesCobb]

I dont think you should be asking why he made himself administrator, as we can only guess his motives. The question should be why is he STILL administrator at this point? That you can control, op.