How do you split the bills in a relationship? I'm running out of money!

[Newname88]

I've lived more on my own since moving out of my parents house 12 years ago than i have with somebody so just looking to see whats normal.
Moved in with DP in Jan, i've always worked part time and received the benefits i was entitled to which meant i was living comfortably, but would have to save up to afford extras e.g birthdays/xmas etc.
Obviously since moving in together i am no longer entitled to those benefits and we split the bills 50/50 and then pay our own extra's e.g car insurance/tax, i pay the pet costs as they were my pets before we got together.
I am in my overdraft every month long before payday and am using my savings to cover me which are soon running out.
I dont buy unnessary items and i dont get my hair done/nails etc if anything the only extras i spend that i shouldnt are takeaways and days out with the DC, even if i cut back on those i would still be in my overdraft.
DP works full time and does alot of overtime too, on a good overtime month he could earn a good £500-£700 more a month but his company cut overtime since COVID and he now only earns about £200-300 more than me at the min.
He spends way more on extra's/personal stuff for himself but also spends money on us as a family etc.
What do other couples do when one earns more than the other? It's going to get to a point where i run out of savings and have nothing left!

We split proportionate to our earnings.

I earn more than DH so I pay 60% he pays 40%.

We have a joint account, and each put the same % of our wages into that, which pays for all our bills, rent, food, petrol, meals out etc. Anything left over goes into our personal accounts and is for whatever we want.

How many dc do you have, and are they all yours?

We do a budget every month, based on both of our payslips that month. Work out all expenses including savings bills etc. What ever is left gets divided in two and transferred to each of our fun accounts.

Why aren't you working full time? If you can't afford your lifestyle such as it is, that seems the obvious choice unless it's due to disability / health etc. You don't mention kids.

If you're capable of working FT, as a partner I'd expect you to be doing so rather than subsidise your lifestyle with mine.

We have a joint account and everything goes into it and comes out of it. I'm a sahm so not earning right now but the money is our money.

We don't have his and her money, we just pay the bills and if there's anything left over we spend it how we like.
So you should be getting back what you have lost from your benefits out of the joint money.

How many dc and how old?
Do you get maintenance for the dc from their other parent?
Whose are the dc?
Has dp agreed to take on financial responsibility for your dc?
Could you work more hours?
Would you be better off living separately ?
Whose house is it?

You not married so it s up to you to agree.

We have a joint account. Everything goes into and out of that. Very old-fashioned by MN standards but it works for us. Married for years, no ex-partners to worry about, we had next to nothing when we started out.

We do by percentage too. I earn 25% more than dp so put that percentage in extra to the joint account each month. From that account we pay mortgage, food and bills then anything I we have left over we use as we want.

Separate accounts. Each have bills we pay monthly that roughly equate to same amount e.g. I pay Sky, he pays for rubbish collection etc. Anything extra tends to be turnabout e.g. I paid for last dinner out so he will pay for next etc.
Different situation though as we earn pretty similar amounts.

We used to split the bills but then id be left with the shopping, kids clothes, xmas etc etc and always end up worse off, no savings and dp would piss his money up the wall. So we got a joint account, all bills and wages go in/out of there and we have our own current account and we take 400 each for the month and then I take a set amount out each month and transfer it to a savings account.

@SoddingWeddings op said she has children

Joint current and savings accounts...everything goes in and out of the current account, anything left over each month goes into savings.

Are the kids his?

Did you not do the calculations and discuss this before moving in? If your income has been unffected by Covid and you are struggling now things aren't going to improve.

Why are you splitting bills 50/50 when you earns o much less?

Also, why do men not seem to have a problem with their partners' barely being able to afford the odd takeaway while happily buying new cars, fancy gym memberships and being out for beers twice a week? WHY!?

35/65 split as proportionate to earnings. This is for bills, holidays etc. We split food equally and three spare money is ours individually.

You need to have conversations about what both of your monthly budgets are.

I'm surprised you sacrificed your benefits without him being willing to contribute to the shortfall/ you going full time

Well you are on a good thing 50/50 as actually he is subsidising you are your DC. I assume you get maintenance for the kids if he is not the father? So see if that needs increasing, or get a full time job

My DP pays for most as I earn 1/4 of what she earns. I don't understand splitting it 50/50 when you're a family

Joint account and both of our salaries go fully into it.

How old are your DC, are any of the children also his?

I know I'm this sounds awful, but you really needs to think long term when you have DC from previous relationships.

You need to consider not only benefits but uni funding and if the partner moving in realistically is willing to contribute long term.

We've always been one pot, since we moved in together. Doesn't matter who brings in what, it's ours equally and outgoings are ours equally. It works for us. I think that become a little more difficult when blending families, and if I was in that situation rather than my current one I would probably want us to have a joint bank account for all shared expenses (food, utilities, rent or mortgage, insurances, council tax, etc) that we contributed to proportionally in terms of our respective incomes. And I'd prefer if all children in the house were seen as a joint expense so as not to have to faff around reserving certain portions of my income for them only (i.e., keeping the child benefit aside and not using it as part of my income whan calculating my proportional contribution to the family pot), but again, I know that wouldn't work for some families.

All our money goes into one bank we share it all. No resentment that way

It really depends on how committed you are and what your family set up is.

It should have been discussed before you moved in with each other.

If you are fully committed, sharing all assets and savings, both working at capacity and a blended family, then I think the fairest is the "all in one pot, take out a set amount of personal spends". All expenses for children (yours or his, including maintenance) come out of the joint pot.

If its mine and yours relating to things like savings/property ownership/expensive assets etc, then its a case of each earn your own and pay for your own. So you would pay all the expenses relating to you and your children, and he would pay the expenses relating to him and any children he has. So assuming the children are yours and not his, you should be paying a bigger proportion of the bills. If he has any children from previous relationships, he'd pay maintenance out of his own money.