How do you split the bills in a relationship? I'm running out of money!

[Newname88]

I've lived more on my own since moving out of my parents house 12 years ago than i have with somebody so just looking to see whats normal.
Moved in with DP in Jan, i've always worked part time and received the benefits i was entitled to which meant i was living comfortably, but would have to save up to afford extras e.g birthdays/xmas etc.
Obviously since moving in together i am no longer entitled to those benefits and we split the bills 50/50 and then pay our own extra's e.g car insurance/tax, i pay the pet costs as they were my pets before we got together.
I am in my overdraft every month long before payday and am using my savings to cover me which are soon running out.
I dont buy unnessary items and i dont get my hair done/nails etc if anything the only extras i spend that i shouldnt are takeaways and days out with the DC, even if i cut back on those i would still be in my overdraft.
DP works full time and does alot of overtime too, on a good overtime month he could earn a good £500-£700 more a month but his company cut overtime since COVID and he now only earns about £200-300 more than me at the min.
He spends way more on extra's/personal stuff for himself but also spends money on us as a family etc.
What do other couples do when one earns more than the other? It's going to get to a point where i run out of savings and have nothing left!

[AgentJohnson]

We rent the house together, did dicuss buying but as the relationship is fairly new we wanted to rent first and see how things go.

Did “seeing how things go” include having a child? This really should have been a conversation before you moved in and got pregnant. Are you splitting nursery fees? Your eldest will be 14 soon and staying home for them is a luxury you can’t afford.

Essentially you want to know if your partner should be making up the shortfall from your lost benefits, the answer tothat question is to ask him but you have kind of limited your choices by not posing the question earlier.

[LunaAndHerMoonDragons]

@Helenakiki if you haven't found it, click on the little arrow across from where it says relationships in blue. Then click on start new thread.

[YeokensYegg]

@Helenakiki

I saw you weren't sure how to start your own thread so I'll answer what you wrote here.

The only thing you can do is kick them all out. Give them a week at the most. He makes enough money, he can rent a place for them.

Men like him are the biggest scam for women. They sell a happy life fairy tale but in reality drain your money, triple the amount of work done, and cause chaos.

Kick them all out and go back to your peaceful life.

[ittakes2]

zombie thread

[AbsolutelyPatsy]

at the top of the page, it says Start a new thread in this topic

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Look at the top of the page and click on "Relationships"

That will take you to the Topic page

At the top you will the see "Start a new thread in this topic"

Click on that and you are away

[Helenakiki]

How do I do that? Sorry, first time user, I have no idea xxxx

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

@Helenakiki

You've resurrected a year old thread. Try making your own, you will get far better responses if you do.

Sorry for the bold, I want it to be obvious so Helena can see it!

[Opentooffers]

13 years though and you are saying you should get CSA involved now? That's a lot of procrastination.
Two simple reasons for your money woes, you should pay bills according to what you earn, but also, you have 2 DC now not one, and obviously having DC costs money. The more you have the more it costs.

[Helenakiki]

Please help! I’m driving myself insane.
My partner moved in, I didn’t realise how much he earned so I had assumed that I would be able to keep child tax credits but lose income support etc. I lost everything, we didn’t have a frank and honest discussion before he moved in.
I receive carers allowance for my son and his DLA money, child benefit and maintenance money for kids from their dad.
My partner pays the rent, council tax, sky and gives me £300 a month.
I pay for the heating oil, water, electric, my car (car tax, insurance, petrol etc), tv license and the food.
I now have no disposable income left to take kids out and the fun stuff we used to do.
Now I just feel resentful and bitter about it.
He’s going through a mud slinging divorce and is finding that tough and I’ve not been particularly supportive because I hadn’t anticipated all that drama and I can’t stand it.
His daughter was made homeless so I said her and her boyfriend could move in with us, my impulsive offers again!!!!!
I just feel like he has taken over my house and now I have twice the work and no money, am I just being a bitch about it when he’s going through a difficult time already?

[Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese]

When we both worked full time we both split 50/50. Since DC and me working part time his wages cover all of the bills Inc food and fuel. My wages are used to cover the 1 day a week ds goes to nursery and any extras we want like days out and savings. Over lockdown we've just put mine into savings.

[Newname88]

@echodot what exactly doesnt add up? I started a job at 17 and went part time at 18 when I started a full time uni course (which only required me to be at uni 3 days a week but was still classed as a full time degree) I fell pregnant during my first year at uni but continued with my degree and job throughout the pregnancy. I moved in with DS's dad for a couple of years and then when things didn't work out with him I moved into my own home. I'd finished my uni degree and I started working 3 days a week and a family member provided childcare for me.
My rent was £500 a month, I can't remembered the exact other bills but they were paid and I had little leftover as I've said before. Birthdays and xmas I would borrow money from a family member and pay them back a little at a time. When I say I lived comfortably I meant the bills were paid, I didn't live the high life.

[Callardandbowser]

DH and I pay proportionally to what we earn so I pay 2/3 less thy an him. 50/50 is not fair!

[corythatwas]

We use to have a join account. Now we have separate accounts but always make sure to split costs in such a way as to be able to afford an equal lifestyle.

[echodot]

@Newname88

I didn't realise I was such a benefit scrounger 😂😂 I claimed a small amount of tax credits and that was it, no council/housing/other benefit. I had a smaller house with less costs so I wasnt funding a lavish lifestyle believe me.
My partner isn't enabling me to sit at home for my own benefit when I am looking after the 1 year old who if I wasnt looking after would be in childcare and costing more money.

How could you live on £1100 a month. Its just not possible. I genuinly want to know how as I have been in this position myself, and I could not do it on that with minimum TC and no CSA payment!!!

[echodot]

@Drumple

At 13 your son is old enough to be left during the holidays. It’s what many working parents have to do.

You do sound rather entitled.

More than entitled. You left home when your eldest was one year old - how did you pay rent, support yourself, get a job, plus childcare plus embarking on a degree?

Something doesnt add up here does it? Now you have a baby and then moved in with your BF, and then still only part time?

Up your hours and pay your way

[Firenight]

We put all our money into a joint acc and take an equal amount of personal spending money monthly to cover clothing, coffee, lunches out, gifts etc

[Newname88]

My DS dad has never paid any 'regular' maintenance I've threatened him over the years with CSA and he's coughed up £50 here and there, ive had nothing for a few years now. I do need to get csa involved properly and get what I'm owed.
We had planned to make a joint account when we moved in and that has taken a backseat but i think it would help us out alot, if all earnings went into it and then the bills came out from it too. At the minute having some come from my account and some from his and us transferring money to and from each other isn't working.
At the moment working full time isn't possible as I am working from home due to corona and already struggling to work 3 days a week and looking after the 1 year old on my own all day.

[Bananabread8]

@BrieAndChilli

Why do people keep saying the point of tax credits is to enable people to work part time??? They aren’t and we’re never intended for that purpose.

* What’s the point of tax credits?

The main purpose of tax credits is to help families on lower pay make ends meet.
Tax credits are also intended to lift families out of welfare dependency and incentivise people to work – before their introduction, most benefits were withdrawn as soon as someone returned to work.*

This was the intention of tax credits. Unfortunately people seem to think it was to enable them to stay at home!!!!!

Most employers won’t accommodate starting and finishing hours once you have had a baby and return to work. Flexi contracts are not a guarantee they are something you have to apply and are regularly review and declined
What land are you living in? Also a lot of mothers are far better off working part time finically

[Devlesko]

This was the intention of tax credits. Unfortunately people seem to think it was to enable them to stay at home!!!!!

Not the case at all and who gets tc for staying at home?
You might be able to if your partner is working and the tc you are awarded allows this, but it isn't common.
I did for a while because had I been employed it would have cost me to work, so it's more a case of being trapped in the system than wanting to stay at home.
HTH

[BrieAndChilli]

Why do people keep saying the point of tax credits is to enable people to work part time??? They aren’t and we’re never intended for that purpose.

• What’s the point of tax credits?
  
  The main purpose of tax credits is to help families on lower pay make ends meet.
  Tax credits are also intended to lift families out of welfare dependency and incentivise people to work – before their introduction, most benefits were withdrawn as soon as someone returned to work.*
  
  This was the intention of tax credits. Unfortunately people seem to think it was to enable them to stay at home!!!!!

[Fedup21]

We have one joint account-since we both left university and moved in together.

Both our salaries have always gone into that, as has child benefit. We have a joint credit card which the food, holidays and big purchases go on, but that is paid off fully monthly by the joint account. I do have a separate account in my name, but there’s not much in it, it’s just an old account.

I presume you worked part time as you had children? Did you discuss how much you would lose in benefits when he moved in? If he didn’t agree to a ‘fair’ situation then, I wouldn’t have moved in together and lost my financial security.

[HeeeeyDuggee]

One pot.

I had a child when I met DH. I worked full time (earning about the same as the OP part time) and was in receipt of tax credits for childcare. By DH moving in we knew I’d lose those so we sat down worked out all the finances. At the time DH was moving into my
Owned house so he didn’t pay towards the mortgage (I didn’t want him to have financial claim on my sole owned house as not married yet) once we purchased together we started using one account for all our money. Both salaries get paid in there and Mortagae, bills, food, childcare etc all come out of that. We don’t have a set amount each per month. We have an agreed amount we want left per month as a float in the account (1k) and as long as our spending doesn’t go into that it’s fine.

We do discuss big purchases or anything over a set amount otherwise we crack on just checking the amount left every week or 2.

Works well for us we usually have money left over and put it in savings. We now have 2dc together but DH includes my eldest in all his spending as were a family unit but I did offer to cover his costs separately

[Drumple]

Absolutely she should be after the father of her eldest for maintenance but she hasn’t done that for many years so there must be a reason.

[MaybeDoctor]

The OP has come in for quite a bit of criticism on this thread. The new partner has had a bit too.

Somewhere out there the father of her eldest child is sitting pretty, unconstrained by all these worries. The CMS needs more teeth and a closer link to both HMRC and banks.

I don’t blame the OP for working part-time to care for and spend time with her young child, absent any other parent. Why isn’t her child entitled to have his mum pick him up from school some days of the week? In any civilised society he should be, which is why tax credits exist. Ideally she should have tried to maximise her income as far as employer flexibility would allow (rather than just 16 hours) but we all know that employers/school/travel/childcare don’t always work like that.