How do you split the bills in a relationship? I'm running out of money!

[Newname88]

I've lived more on my own since moving out of my parents house 12 years ago than i have with somebody so just looking to see whats normal.
Moved in with DP in Jan, i've always worked part time and received the benefits i was entitled to which meant i was living comfortably, but would have to save up to afford extras e.g birthdays/xmas etc.
Obviously since moving in together i am no longer entitled to those benefits and we split the bills 50/50 and then pay our own extra's e.g car insurance/tax, i pay the pet costs as they were my pets before we got together.
I am in my overdraft every month long before payday and am using my savings to cover me which are soon running out.
I dont buy unnessary items and i dont get my hair done/nails etc if anything the only extras i spend that i shouldnt are takeaways and days out with the DC, even if i cut back on those i would still be in my overdraft.
DP works full time and does alot of overtime too, on a good overtime month he could earn a good £500-£700 more a month but his company cut overtime since COVID and he now only earns about £200-300 more than me at the min.
He spends way more on extra's/personal stuff for himself but also spends money on us as a family etc.
What do other couples do when one earns more than the other? It's going to get to a point where i run out of savings and have nothing left!

[CountFosco]

@PhoneLock

I don't know. We've never really discussed it.

I moved into my husband's house when we got married. The bills get paid. Nobody is knocking on the door asking for money.

You sound quite proud of your ignorance. Let's hope he doesn't die before you. How did you manage before you got married?

[Azerothi]

You haven't been with your boyfriend for a year yet and have a one year old child by him?

If you've been with your boyfriend for so short a time why did you move in together?

[PhoneLock]

You sound quite proud of your ignorance. Let's hope he doesn't die before you. How did you manage before you got married?

Fine thanks. I had my own house and, obviously, paid all the bills.

How about you?

[InTheWings]

OP, on the days that you are not working but providing childcare, you are enabling him to earn.

His earnings from that time should be shared with you!!!

Or else let him stay at home and share 50/50 childcare time wise so that you can earn more money!

You say you solo the childcare bill 50/50 but you don’t. You sacrifice your wages to provide childcare in the days you are not at work.

AND you are sacrificing employers contribution to your pension.

You lost crucial benefits when he moved in. What happens to the CB money?

In all truth I think that once one parent gives up work (incl giving up a half week’s work) to do childcare, then the only fair thing to do is pool
All money and agree an equal amount of personal spending money per person to be put in your sole accounts.

[Bluntness100]

Op think there is some confusion on here. Is he the child’s biological father?

[category12]

She said in her second post 2 DC are 13 and 1. Youngest is obviously with current partner,

[Drumple]

I just realised. The op deliberately stayed part time for almost 10 years.

Must be nice.

[Azerothi]

@category12.
It isn't obvious, she says clearly that her and this boyfriend have been together less than a year. Of course, it could have been a one night stand or similar.

[TriciaMcMillan]

I'm not sure that's clear, they only moved in together in January and weren't together while she was pregnant.

[category12]

I'm quoting the OP - she says it's the child is obviously her current partner's.

[category12]

[quote Newname88]@Soontobe60 2 DC and only one is with current partner.

@Embracelife 2 DC are 13 and 1. Youngest is obviously with current partner, i get no maintenance for older DC from the father, this is a longstanding issue.
We rent the house together, did dicuss buying but as the relationship is fairly new we wanted to rent first and see how things go.
I could certainly work full time but this would incur more nursery fees and the nursery fees for me working part time are quite alot already. It also allowed me to be around for older DC in the school holidays as i get no childcare help from his dad in that respect either but now he's older it isn't so much of a requirement but i certainly wouldnt want him at home every school holiday alone 5 days a week.[/quote]
Here's the post.

[Azerothi]

I was curious as to why, given they have been together less than a year, she moved in with this boyfriend. She was comfortable on benefits - so it seems a bit odd.

[HerNameWasEliza]

I don't think there's anything odd about moving in with someone you love, are having a child with and think there might be a long-term future with.

[TriciaMcMillan]

Sorry, just re-read, so assume you have been together for a year, but there was some history previously. Obviously not actually pertinent to the question though.

On topic, we have always split things proportionate to income, then settled up so that we both have similar levels of spending money. Conveniently we now earn within a few grand of one another.

[VodselForDinner]

Surely you knew that going from being a mother of one to being a mother of two would cause this issue? You two weren’t together at the time so what would you have done if you hadn’t started a relationship and he was just paying CMS?

Sounds like you need to up your hours at work and you both take the hit on the increased childcare costs.

I probably got to used to having those extra days to myself

I’m baffled that you decided the taxpayer should cough up for your leisure time.

[VodselForDinner]

OP, on the days that you are not working but providing childcare, you are enabling him to earn

And on the days that he’s working, he’s enabling her to sit at home.

He’s working overtime to subsidise her, now that the taxpayer isn’t.

[Newname88]

I didn't realise I was such a benefit scrounger 😂😂 I claimed a small amount of tax credits and that was it, no council/housing/other benefit. I had a smaller house with less costs so I wasnt funding a lavish lifestyle believe me.
My partner isn't enabling me to sit at home for my own benefit when I am looking after the 1 year old who if I wasnt looking after would be in childcare and costing more money.

[Drumple]

You took those tax credits for 10 years as a choice to be there for your child. You could have worked you chose not to because you think it’s a valid choice to be subsidised.

[HerNameWasEliza]

Wow! OP I hope you're feeling OK. You came here to ask legit questions about how to split bills and instead people are piling on having a go at your for your previous 'choice' (we don't know enough to say it is really a choice?!) to work part-time and you and your partners choice to have you not working full-time now but instead to look after your very small child. Please do feel free to ignore people who are de-railing the thread for their own purposes. It is ridiculous to suggest that your OH is enabling you to sit at home when in reality you are caring for his (and your child) when he is at work. Don't let that nonsense detract from some of the helpful advice I hope you are taking from this thread.

[Newname88]

I guess the answer is to work full time and to hope that the extra costs that incur are less than the extra I'd be earning.
I'm not part time because I like to sit on my backside, I'm part time because I want to be around for my kids that's all as I'm sure many others would like to aswell 🙄

[Newname88]

@Drumple I'm not going to argue why I think I'm right to have taken them for all those years, I agree it was selfish but I have also worked since I was 17 so I am also contributing my share to the taxpayers for others in similar situations.
Some choose to not work and rely fully on benefits, I know plenty of them. And I also know plenty of couples like me who work part time and have school aged children who are entitled and claim benefits too.

[VodselForDinner]

I guess the answer is to work full time and to hope that the extra costs that incur are less than the extra I'd be earning

Eureka.

[LilyWater]

@Drumple

You took those tax credits for 10 years as a choice to be there for your child. You could have worked you chose not to because you think it’s a valid choice to be subsidised.

Yikes what's so heinous about a mother choosing to spend more loving time with her own tiny child? These early years are critical for a child's development and nothing can replace them. Caring for and supporting the development of your own child is not in ANY way less valuable than going out to work. She's simply claiming the tax credits she's entitled to.

[imissthesouth]

Could you get a joint bank account and share all your income? At least you wouldn't have to worry as much about money that way. If not, split your money proportionally. So if DP earns more, he pays more etc

[Drumple]

Her child is 13. This is not a tiny baby