How do you split the bills in a relationship? I'm running out of money!

[Newname88]

I've lived more on my own since moving out of my parents house 12 years ago than i have with somebody so just looking to see whats normal.
Moved in with DP in Jan, i've always worked part time and received the benefits i was entitled to which meant i was living comfortably, but would have to save up to afford extras e.g birthdays/xmas etc.
Obviously since moving in together i am no longer entitled to those benefits and we split the bills 50/50 and then pay our own extra's e.g car insurance/tax, i pay the pet costs as they were my pets before we got together.
I am in my overdraft every month long before payday and am using my savings to cover me which are soon running out.
I dont buy unnessary items and i dont get my hair done/nails etc if anything the only extras i spend that i shouldnt are takeaways and days out with the DC, even if i cut back on those i would still be in my overdraft.
DP works full time and does alot of overtime too, on a good overtime month he could earn a good £500-£700 more a month but his company cut overtime since COVID and he now only earns about £200-300 more than me at the min.
He spends way more on extra's/personal stuff for himself but also spends money on us as a family etc.
What do other couples do when one earns more than the other? It's going to get to a point where i run out of savings and have nothing left!

[Sugartitties]

it was a bit selfish yes to go part time and claim benefits so you could spend time with your son and pick him up. That’s not what benefits are for.

If your finances are so tight then looks like you’ll have to get a full time job and split the cost of childcare surely.

I’m an Accountant and earn good money, I wouldn’t subsidise someone who worked for minimum wage in Tesco.

[Newname88]

Childcare was split 50/50 too, although I only went back to work for a couple of months before Covid so we haven't been paying it while I've been working from home.
@sugartitties I fully understand that's your (and many others) opinion. I never intended to stay part time when I finished my degree I assumed I would get a full time job and go from there. I probably got to used to having those extra days to myself when DS was in school and of course spending them with him when he was off. I only claimed what I was entitled to as a working single parent and had that of been nothing then I would no doubt have gone full time.

[Drumple]

How long have you been together?

I’m a bit surprised you didn’t discuss all this before you moved in together.

[Bluntness100]

I think op if he’s also paying for your child who is not his it wouldn’t be right to ask him for even more.

[cyclemania]

I'm sorry to say I'm also of the opinion that you should up your hours. Having that time off is complete luxury when your family is struggling.I don't even think its a question of how people split money and bills, it's about doing what you have to do to survive.

[Drumple]

At 13 your son is old enough to be left during the holidays. It’s what many working parents have to do.

You do sound rather entitled.

[Bananabread8]

How much do you contribute to the household bills? What does your partner pay? To be honest this conversation should of been had prior you moving in! As for you it’s a huge change getting your TC/UC cut.

[bakereld]

Me and DP have separate accounts. We pay 50% of the mortgage each, and 50% of groceries each. He pays for all other household bills as earns much more than me.

If we have a meal out we will usually split it.

I only have my car, phone and personal bits to pay for as I don't earn a huge amount, but we live in a cheap area so this works well for us.

[achillesratty]

What stands out to me is you don't feel confident enough in the relationship to buy a house together but you have had a child together?

Finances should have been sorted out before your child was born.

[Lazypuppy]

Proportionate to income, so i pay 60% of everything and partner does 40%.

All bills come put of a joint account, including nursery fees, then we sort the rest of our money out ourselves

[Newname88]

So without going into too much detail, I earn roughly £1110 a month.
The joint bills that I pay half of comes to £760. We take turns paying for food shopping (roughly £60-£70 in aldi) so with that twice a month and then my personal bills of car insurance/tax and pet insurance/ food that's my money gone.
I've always managed my money fine and of course we discussed it and went through credit checks before signing the rent agreement which cleared us as having enough money to pay the bills so I don't understand why I'm struggling so much. I just figured we'd be better off with 2 incomes.

[PhoneLock]

I don't know. We've never really discussed it.

I moved into my husband's house when we got married. The bills get paid. Nobody is knocking on the door asking for money.

[Newname88]

@achillesratty it's complicated lol. We weren't together while I was pregnant so haven't even been together a year yet, I didn't want to commit to a mortgage. But I needed to move house as my last wasnt suitable and had a garden that could be dangerous for a young child.

[Bananabread8]

Your struggling because if I’ve understood £760 is a lot of money to be paying for your “half” is your rent higher than before? How does your partner expect you to pay £760 from your wage? Are you sure your partner is unaware of your situation?

[haggistramp]

you are struggling because what you have lost in all your single parent benefits is more than the difference you have saved by moving in with your partner. So much so that you are now financially not making ends meet. I dont understand the 50/50 when one partner earns significantly more than the other, and usually he is earning 50% more than you. He should absolutely be paying more than you. Im a firm believer in all money going in one pot, especially when there are children in a relationship. At the very least it should be proportionately split. Are all costs for both the children split 50/50 or do you have to pay everything for your first child yourself?

[HerNameWasEliza]

You say "Childcare was split 50/50 too, although I only went back to work for a couple of months before Covid so we haven't been paying it while I've been working from home."

So some couples don't fully share and whilst I don't get that it is not an illegitimate choice. However, if you are part time, then the child-care bill is reduced because you work (and therefore earn) less. So is no way is it fair that you take care of the little one say 2? days a week and then you also pay for 1.5 days a week childcare. If your OH wants 50/50 then he needs to pay for 2.5 days a week childcare. Would you agree? If you reduced your contribution to that then perhaps you will have some disposable income.

[AskingforaBaskin]

But if the money should be proportionate then so should the work load.
He may not be happy to subsidise someone only working PT.

You need to sit down and have it all out.
Your eldest son isn't really his responsibility and you've said the pets are yours.
So those two massive things will eat up any luxury money.

[wishywashywoowoo70]

@Newname88

So without going into too much detail, I earn roughly £1110 a month.
The joint bills that I pay half of comes to £760. We take turns paying for food shopping (roughly £60-£70 in aldi) so with that twice a month and then my personal bills of car insurance/tax and pet insurance/ food that's my money gone.
I've always managed my money fine and of course we discussed it and went through credit checks before signing the rent agreement which cleared us as having enough money to pay the bills so I don't understand why I'm struggling so much. I just figured we'd be better off with 2 incomes.

Sounds similar to my. I work 5 hours less than SO but he earns a lot more than me. I put 35% of income into joint and he 25%. However this is for 4 people my DD and his DS who eats as much as an adult man. He's a large 16 y r old My DD is only 5 I also buy toiletries when I do the lovely home bargains trip.
I'm starting to feel very taken advantage of here.
I buy most/all my clothes in sales or ebay but SS and SO have expensive brands but his disposable income is higher. SS just bought 200 trainers ffs

[category12]

But if the money should be proportionate then so should the work load.
He may not be happy to subsidise someone only working PT.

But she's looking after their 1 yr old when she's not working.

[AskingforaBaskin]

And she hasn't mentioned any sort of discussion they've had.

Maybe he wants the 1 year old in childcare so she can work.

[SunshineCake]

The mind boggles that the relationship is too new to buy a property together but not to have an actual human being.

[category12]

Well yeah - there doesn't seem to have been a lot of discussion at all.

[Smallsteps88]

Open a joint account.
Pay both wages into it.
Pay all joint bills out of it (inc. grocery shopping)
Split what’s left into joint savings and personal savings for each of you and DC.

[tarasmalatarocks]

The hard fact is if essential bills are coming to around 1500 and household income is only around £2500, this is always going to be tight all round, anyway the 1500 of essential bills can be reduced? Or is a large part of this high rent?? If not then apart from earning more it’s hard to see a wayxaround it although I think he should be paying all the food shopping.

[tarasmalatarocks]

It’s also why you get some couples lying about living together, many find they are actually worse off with getting no help than when a single parent . I do think sugartitties your comment was rather uncalled for, it sounds somewhat smug. We earn well too but We have had very tight periods even when working full time in the past and heavy rent and childcare, so I try not to judge and unless you are very well paid working full time with kids doesn’t always make financial sense