What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

Hmmm tricky one. I think it depends on how the child was conceived. If he knowingly had sex knowing without contraception then yes he's an idiot for not expecting a pregnancy.

If it was failed contraception and he made his feelings very clear about not wanting a child/not wanting her to continue the pregnancy then tbh she's made a choice to go it alone.

Saying this, I don't understand how anyone could have a child and not want to know. Completely baffles me

Scum .
No reason is good enough to ignore your own child .

that he is clearly selfish and thinking only of himself

Similar situation here. DP had a one night stand. Stupidly didn't use contraception, (muppet, not a strong enough word) but was 1 of a minimum of 2, possibly 4 potential fathers. He said from day 1 he didn't want a child under these circumstances but she chose to go ahead with the belief she would be a single mother completely regardless of who the father was. When DSD was born, dna test confirmed was DP and he decided he couldn't have a child that he didn't know. Now we have her every other weekend plus extras regularly and he financially supports mum. They don't really communicate at all as its virtually 2 strangers but coparent well for her sake.
I really think it depends on the circumstances but personally for me as a mother, I don't think I could be with someone who knowingly had a child and had nothing to do with them. I dont think their is a right or wrong answer but it depends on how you feel about his choice.

It seems heartless but if he was honest from the get go but still provides finances then his obligation is being met. Obviously not the way it should be but few things are

I think there is something very sinister and sociopathic about a man who could comfortably walk this earth knowing there is someone else who shares his DNA and choosing not to have anything to do with them, whether they planned/ wanted the child or not. I would never date a man who was like this. If they can be so cold as to ignore their own flesh and blood, what loyalty would they have to me?

I'll add she said she was infertile. He was still an idiot for believing that though!!

Not much

Liar and scum

It wouldn’t be ok for me and certainly not someone I’d ever have a child with.

Pathetic piece of shit.

He's willingly setting a child up to feel unwanted and abandoned from their own father. Whatever the rights or wrongs of what the mother did, I can't imagine emotionally doing that to the child.

No. Not okay under any circumstances.

I'd run a mile. A baby is a potential consequence of sex. If I knew a man had chosen to have no part of their child's life I'd stay well away. It's selfish, irresponsible, and shows such disregard for how that choice will affect that child as they grow up.

A sociopathic or narcissistic man. I had my DD within a relationship and I've heard nothing from him and had no money from him since she was 2. She is 11.

My ex has not seen his children since before Christmas, he was in their lives until we split up, he has just become more and more distant. That is the most hurtful he is either in the childd life or not at all.
My ex supports them occasionally, but will act like he is a brilliant father to anyone that will listen.
I can't believe anyone would know that they have a child and not be part of their life.

I’m old fashioned enough to believe children should be conceived within committed relationships and every child should be planned and wanted by both parents. It’s very sad for the child.
If a man does not want to be a father, he needs to take responsibility for avoiding pregnancy.
Nobody should be having sex without being prepared to accept that pregnancy is a very common side effect of unprotected sex.

I think they're scum and obviously missing important qualities that anyone would want in a man.

It doesn't matter if they didn't want the child...the child is here, the child is his flesh and blood and he would know the child would want to know who their dad is, so he should try to build some kind of relationship with the child for the childs sake.

I also think it's unnatural for men to not want to know their children.....so even if a man doesn't want a child they should generally have the instinct to want to be their father when the child is born. It's unnatural to not want anything to do with your own flesh and blood.

If he went on to have kids in a future relationship I would imagine he'd be the type to never bother with his kids again once the relationship ended!

I know someone who always said he didn't want a family and had a child with an ex unplanned. He has supported financially and had no input otherwise. I wouldn't judge. I might personally understand, but he has his reasons. Presumably tied up around his own childhood (adopted, parents divorced.....) and not wanting to increase the population. It's no one else's business. She decided to keep her baby and was a good decision for her.

I had an ex who was conceived as a result of a one night stand. His father had no ambitions to be a parent and walked away never to be seen again. It undoubtedly affected the way that my ex was as a person and how he formed relationships. Unsurprisingly it made him a sad, weird and fucked-up individual. The type of man who can walk away from their own child creates problems for the child that aren’t the child’s fault and as such I couldn’t be with a man like that.

I would be fine with this in certain circumstances. Any number of people are not good enough parents and better to leave the poor child alone than have a dabble through societal pressure and make a balls up of it. People who say they don't want a child generally don't want a child - they are telling us loud and clear who they are. This is okay. They would not make good parents and are best left out of it. Of course they should have taken more care with contraception, but that horse has already bolted.

I wouldn't touch him with someone else's bargepole.
If he can be heartless about his own child, then he will be fucking ruthless in other aspects.

I would think he was being honest. He made his feelings clear. Being a father doesn't come naturally to a lot of men. Mumsnet is full of stories of deadbeat dads.

A relative fathered a child after a one night stand (unprotected sex, not failed contraception.) He has no contact with his child but pays child maintenance (no idea if private arrangement or CMS), so he says.
No respect for him, at all.

There’s not enough background OP. But weather it was down to a woman lying about contraception or failed contraception theres always a risk. Many women may feel like they don’t want a baby in these circumstances but they also may feel like they could not have a termination. I don’t think it’s as simple as saying I don’t want a baby. If a man feels so strongly he should not be taking that risk whilst having sex. Once a man gets a woman pregnant he should take full responsibility it takes two