What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

Maybe women who want children/wouldn't abort an unplanned pregnancy shouldn't have sex with men they know don't want children.

And maybe men who don’t want children shouldn’t have sex with women who do and wouldn’t abort?

Should add that he has no trouble meeting women and has had several girlfriends hence me saying not all women are put off by it.

@AlmostAJillSandwich

Lets be honest, sex is mostly had for pleasure, not reproduction. It is a big part of a relationship to a majority of people. It isn't fair to expect people who don't want children, to never have sex. You can take every precaution under the sun and never have 100% protection from unwanted pregnancy. Men get 2 options, condom, or surgery to sterilise. Surgery is a huge thing, can have complications, can be scary/daunting, AND still isn't a 100% certainty of no pregnancy. Condoms can fail, or not be used correctly. In the event there IS an unwanted conception, the ball is 100% in the womans court. A guy can do everything right and still get caught out. Having a child is the biggest commitment there is, nobody should be forced into it. If he is paying to support the child he never wanted, he's not a bad person, i could completely understand his decision to play no physical role, but then i myself am childless by choice and hate the idea of being a parent.

Part of the problem is with unwanted pregnancies is people often sleep with people casually and who they don’t know that well. Something has to give if your willing to have pleasure... you have to step up or consider getting to know somebody before you sleep with them. What good is money to that child?? Missed birthday and important mile stones?? Also women don’t get to walk away as easy as men do so tbh I rarely feel sorry for the man on this subject.

He probably pays CMS by force... surely you would accept a child how could you live knowing you had a child out there?? You must have to be wicked to a certain extent because the child doesn’t deserve that.

Why would you want some loser with all this baggage? It's sad people have such low standards.

Given he has no reproductive rights

What? No reproductive rights? So he has no say in where his penis goes? Whether he ejaculates? Whether he wears a condom or has a vasectomy?

Surgery is a huge thing, can have complications, can be scary/daunting,

^

But is it a big thing? Vasectomy? Really? I thought it was a daycase? Not splitting feathers or anything but I thought it was an easy op

Wouldn't give such a person the time of day, much less date one

This. There’s no excuse. If he was old enough to have sex he was old enough to know that it can make a baby.

@Smallsteps88

Both condoms and vasectomies can fail. Also, just because a man doesn't want to have a child in these circumstances, doesn't mean that he never wants a child.

Do you think that women should be deprived of access to terminations because they could have chosen not to have sex?

Surgery is a huge thing, can have complications, can be scary/daunting

And creating a human being you don’t want to raise isn’t?

Both condoms and vasectomies can fail. Also, just because a man doesn't want to have a child in these circumstances, doesn't mean that he never wants a child.

So he’s made his choice. He has chosen to take the risk of that child arriving sooner than he would like under less than perfect circumstances. That’s his choice. He has to take responsibility for it.

Do you think that women should be deprived of access to terminations because they could have chosen not to have sex?

explain your logic here please?

He had no father growing up or now.

Surely a man who had no father wouldn't want to do the same?

@Smallsteps88 It isn't my logic it's yours. You say that the only way a man can be sure of avoiding parental responsibility is to refrain from sex .

Would you apply that logic to a woman and if not why not? Putting aside terminations, do you think that a woman should be able to put a child up for adoption?

Vasectomy + condom. Wonder if there's ever been a failure there. I doubt it.

Sex makes babies. You chose to engage in it without said doubling of of contraceptive or the woman having had menopause, and there's a chance a child may result. There's also a chance of contracting a number of diseases, some of which condoms don't protect against (such as herpes). By having sex, you assume risk.

Avoiding sex isn’t the same as denying a woman a termination. Not by any stretch of the imagination so certainly not my logic.

Surely a man who had no father wouldn't want to do the same?

Or it would seem an entirely normal and acceptable way to behave, such that he wouldn't give it a second thought.

Or the prospect of taking on a role he has absolutely no model for would be terrifying / insurmountable and he would deal with that by running away.

Different people respond differently.

My ex doesn’t c our kids and only pays maintenance I think it’s so scummy and I can’t ever imagine how sum1 could just not c their child

@Smallsteps88 And my question re adoption?

The point is that women are able to opt out of parenthood without having to opt out of sex. Given that men do not have the choices available to women with regards to reproduction, I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to bear the same responsibility.

Tbh when he talks about it, he seems terrified lol I just don't get it, how lucky to be blessed with a child!

And my question re adoption?

Yes women should be able to put children up for adoption. I also think women should do what they can to prevent getting to that stage in the first place though. (Contraception MAP and termination) Just like men should do what’s in their power to prevent having children they won’t raise. Whether given up for adoption by a mother or just abandoned by a father the child still carries the consequences of that. It’s up to the adults involved to try and avoid that happening.

Given that men do not have the choices available to women with regards to reproduction, I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to bear the same responsibility.

We’ll have to agree to disagree. Once a child exists they both have equal responsibility to care for it.

@natashalawblaws

And by the way you should definitely leave. What kind of a person wants to be with an abuser psychopath like this guy?? and don't forget to tell him when you dump him that he is a piece of shit for abandoning his child.

Abuser? Psychopath? there is nothing in OP's posts to suggest this is the case.

He was young, she told him she was on the pill, she became pregnant. He said he didn't want a child. She went ahead anyway, and he pays maintenance but has no contact with his child.

Yes, he's not Father of the Year, but how is that abuse? Or psychopathic behaviour?

My xh did this. I can confirm he is a total bastard.

It's tricky. There are always two sides to every story. I wouldn't have a relationship with a man that had a child he didn't want to see.

Totally selfish man. The woman may have been selfish too, but the child hasn’t! Rejected by your own father. Shame on him.

It's just dodging the bullet. He'll regret it.
So many dads fight nutjob women who use kids as a weapon (the other side of the abuse coin). It just amazes me when dads refuse to see their kids when the mother is proactively trying to enable that...

Unfortunately the child is the one who suffers though. Complete neglect.