What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

@eatsleepread exactly! Ruthless in other situations is exactly it.

My DC's biological F has met his DC once, name not on BC but pays 🤷🏼‍♀️

RUTHLESS in every aspect of his life

Not much.

I wouldn't want to be around a man who was contributing to the suffering of another human being. Children who are rejected and ignored by their dads suffer dreadfully. It is abuse and a sign of a truly heartless person.

A man shouldn't have piv sex unless he is prepared to be a father. It's simple really. Many other things he could do to get his rocks off... no need to create a life and then leave it to suffer.

@Quartz2208

that he is clearly selfish and thinking only of himself

One could also say that about the mother choosing to have the baby that the father made clear he didn't want - particularly if it was a one night stand or woman lying about being on birth control or "I'm infertile" scenario

But there isn't enough information from the OP to have an opinion either way on this one

I do actually think this is a really tough one. My gut instinct is to say no it is not ok ever to have nothing to do with a child you know about regardless but it could depend on the circumstances really.

There are many men who choose to have kids, leave the woman then never pay or see them, thats worse.

Utterly selfish. I’d have nothing to do with a man like that.

He was young and was told she's on the pill.

Regardless, I don't really understand how you can ignore a child that's yours but I'm coming from a woman's point of view.

I would think he is an absolute piece of shit. Because he would be. Regardless of how his child was conceived. (Presumably through sec he was having?)

If this is a man you’re considering dating or are dating then I would run for the hills.

Things happen unexpectedly in life but running away from these situations doesn’t help anyone.

That’s always been a deal breaker for me, a man who doesn’t see/does the bare minimum for his children. If he can do that to his own flesh and blood, what else is he capable of?

It's very sad for the child

Yeah it's someone I'm dating.

It's weird because it happened to me. My Dad left my mum and had no involvement, not even CSA. Only now that I'm an adult, he's getting in touch. It didn't affect me, I didn't know any better I suppose. I understood he didn't want me but I think he's feeling guilty now. We're talking and I'm thinking of getting to know him.

That probably explains why you are dating this guy now then !

Cold. A child doesn’t cease to exist just because it isn’t acknowledged.

No way. That's not a charachter trait I look for in a man.

Woah! Far too much unprocessed shit wrt your father to be dating someone who did the exact same thing. You are making yourself massively vulnerable here. Do yourself a favour. Dump the asshole, get yourself some counselling and work out whether you will benefit from allowing someone who abandoned you back into your life.

ivfdreaming yes you could but it isnt about the mother either - its about the child.

She probably was on the pill its success rate is 99% if taken perfectly but more like 91% use "typically"

What ivfdreaming said

I know the Mother of baby through mutual friends and to be honest she has it tough. She went on to have three more children with two different men, who all have no involvement apart from financially. One child was taken off her by a Grandparent due to her struggling on her own. I feel sorry for her, so it would help if would step up and take his child off her hands occasionally.

I would have a very poor opinion of a man who rejected his own child. If I found someone in my family or social circle had behaved in such a way, I would find it difficult to be civil to them.

If he*

I'd think scumbag. And I'd feel very sorry for the child.

That suggests he lives locally to his child and possibly (probably now he knows you and you know her) is aware of the situation the child is growing up in. He’s sounding worse and worse OP.

I'd say he was telling you a load of shit OP and that you should ask the mother of his child for her version of events.

Although, I do actually believe someone I know had a baby 'by accident' to trap their on/off partner. The pair of them just descended into an absolute shit storm with him harassing her and her fleeing the country to live with her parents. I feel really sorry for their child stuck in the middle of it all.

I wouldn’t be contemplating having a child with him if that’s what your real question is. He wouldn’t think twice about leaving you high and dry either

you should ask the mother of his child for her version of events.

No you shouldn’t. You should get the hell away from their shitshow of a life and find a lovely man who doesn’t abandon his children. They do exist.