What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

It isn't fair to It isn't fair to expect people who don't want children, to never have sex. You can take every precaution under the sun and never have 100% protection from unwanted pregnancy. Men get 2 options, condom, or surgery to sterilise people who don't want children, to never have sex. You can take every precaution under the sun and never have 100% protection from unwanted pregnancy. Men get 2 options, condom, or surgery to sterilise

Life isn’t fair.

Men also have an additional two options: 3) have protected sex in the knowledge that any contraception can fail, resulting in pregnancy or 4) abstain from sex.

Pregnancy can happen any time that a fertile man and woman have sexual intercourse. Everybody knows that, including the men who are having sex in these scenarios. Much as it may seem “unfair”, babies can be produced this way even despite everyone’s best attempts to prevent conception. Every man having sex knows this is a risk. Yes it would be lovely if everything were “fair” and nothing ever went wrong, but that’s not the reality and it isn’t women’s job to take all men’s problems away. If they can’t handle the potential consequences (that they may make a woman pregnant and will then have absolutely no legal or moral right to control whether she continues that pregnancy), they need to abstain from sex. This isn’t “expecting people who don't want children, to never have sex”; it’s expecting men who don’t want children to take the necessary precautions but to acknowledge that unwanted pregnancies are still a risk of any sexual intercourse and that any offspring they produce - even against their wishes - are still their responsibility. If they can’t take responsibility for their actions then no, they shouldn’t be having sex.

Lying,
I always thought that too. They are both selfish in their own ways. However, I don't know the details about weather Mother was too far gone for abortion. He claims he told her he wasn't going to be involved but she went ahead hoping it would secure a relationship.

He would say that wouldn't he.

I don't think I could have no contact with my child (I'm speaking hypothetically as I'm a woman). I'd want to get to know them and be a part of their lives.

I'm guessing he's just compartmentalised the experience and thinks of it as purely a financial responsibility. Personally, I find that selfish as it would probably be good for his child to know their father. Children need as much love and support in their lives as possible.

We all know what men's options are for an unwanted pregnancy

We all know women have more options and (rightly) the decision is ultimately theirs

I said before, if you've never prayed for your period to come you're better than me.

A man must dread a conversation that starts with
'I need to tell you, I'm pregnant'

Btw I've been there

I've had a miscarriage, a child and an abortion. In that order

All were in my late twenties. And I was married for the miscarriage and baby. Divorced and single when I had the abortion, baby's dad was the only guy I was seeing. We kept seeing each other for two years after too. It happened early on and he had little say.

I was in a very very short relationship, no contraception and the inevitable happened. The father wrote me a letter which was delivered by his very upset mother, who handed me the letter and said "I have to respect my sons wishes". That was 8 years ago and I've never seen any of them since. He does however pay via the CMA after a DNA test, which was the most humiliating experience of my life. I do know through social media that he's gone on to get married and have two sons, half siblings to my daughter. I do have visions that she will land on his doorstep when she's older to try understand his thought process, but for now she's happy and content with the life she has with me.

@aSofaNearYou in this case yes he is, many do evade and that's not really my point. The consequences for women and men are not really comparable.

They do have the freedom to abstain from parenting; this thread is about what do we think about men who choose that option.

He basically has no integrity
Why are you still dating him?

He was 16!
People are referring to him as a man.

Now he is grown and his parents think the mother is drama.

It's not great but I could understand it

Any misgivings about the mother of his child are even more reason to parent his DC.

I don’t know. If they never had a relationship with the mother ( i.e one night stand) I can totally understand why they wouldn’t wanted have the responsibility of being in that child’s life and co-parenting with someone they have no shared history with. It’s isn’t that much different from being a sperm donar. Yes of course they should financially support them. I definitely believe that and it should be easier to get money out of absent fathers.
The woman should also take their side of contraception seriously. I wonder how many of these one nigh stand pregnancies are women trying to get pregnant. I would hate that to happen to my own son.
If it’s a girlfriend or something that is a bit different. If you have conceived a child having regular sex in a committed relationship. Then you really should take ownership of that and be in the child’s life whether or not the relationship works out.

My DS was very much planned and I was married to his D'F.. Ex H has not seen DS (despite mine and his DSis's many many attempts) since he left when DS was 6. DS is now 14!
He only contributes financially thanks to CMS and that's stopped since COVID, although I know that he is and has been working throughout.
I just cannot understand why you wouldn't want to be a part of your own child's life.

The singer Tom Jones did this and despite this he is always held up as a national treasure. Horrible man.

GinandRunning that's very sad for your son - and for you. You're seeing this through the eyes of being a mother. I absolutely do not think the imperative is the same for men.

I say this because my mum was adamant that my father wanted children. We are four. He was awful from the time I was born. I gently said this to my mum and she maintains, 'he wanted children'. The fact is (borne out by years of abuse) he didn't. SHE wanted them and managed to convince herself that he did too. I'm not saying that this is what happens in every case but I don't believe that men want children with the same intensity that women do, and that's biological. To sire them? Probably. To keep on with the bringing up and relationship? No, I don't see that.

I think many women have their 'eyes on the prize' and don't consider anything other than that. I do blame biology for that because it doesn't fit in with our 'world' the way it is.

I also think that generally, men only want children that they have with a woman they want to keep being with.

Why is it unacceptable for a man not to want to be involved with their child because the mother is, but not unacceptable for a woman to give up a child they do not want for adoption?

Bringing up the "how could you not want to be involved with your child" argument seems very hypocritical if you don't apply the same logic to women, those children are equally in need of love.

I actually think you are pretty disgusting to say a woman making a decision to have her baby legally adopted by someone who will be able to care for them and will have gone through a gruelling process to adopt, is the same as a man leaving a child with a mother he says is unfit to parent.

Can you honestly not see the difference?

Sometimes it is a real struggle to distinguish between generally a bit thick, and just goady as fuck.

Mushy
He didn't say she was an unfit parent.
She's not unfit at all, from what I can see she does a lot for the children and her parents are heavily involved.

I also think that generally, men only want children that they have with a woman they want to keep being with.

Yes to this! I once read on here that “a man only loves his children as much as he loves the mother” and I honestly believe there is a lot of truth to this, obviously not in all cases but in a lot of them, my ex was only interested in seeing the children if me and him were together, my sister said he sees me as a woman he met that has children, they are his

Mushy I was referring to the general question (as asked in the OP), not this specific case. Not everyone who makes this choice will think the mother is an unfit parent.

You are very rude.

LyingWitch

'also think that generally, men only want children that they have with a woman they want to keep being with.*'
*
This seems to be the case so often

@Mims2

Mushy He didn't say she was an unfit parent. She's not unfit at all, from what I can see she does a lot for the children and her parents are heavily involved.

Apologies. Wrong thread. Seems theres so much of this about ive lost track!

@aSofaNearYou

Mushy I was referring to the general question (as asked in the OP), not this specific case. Not everyone who makes this choice will think the mother is an unfit parent.

You are very rude.

And you are very stupid if you think adoption and abandonment are the same thing.

Well, he's a shit but at least he's a shit that takes financial responsibility. There are many shits who don't.