What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

The only men that I know who done this was my Dad, DP's Dad and DP

So all 3 of the significant male influences in your life. Ok DPs dad isn’t your male influence but in a normal set up a FIL would be a pretty significant part of your and your partner’s life.

That’s not nothing OP. It’s pretty telling that you’ve chosen a man who did what your dad did and also had it done to him.

He is paying his way.

No he isn’t. Paying some money (I bet it’s the CMS minimum legal requirement) is not anywhere close to paying your way when it comes to your children.

I would never want to date or be friends with a father who behaved like this.

Because unless the man is abusive, no or v low contact is likely to be detrimental to the DC, and the DCs’ needs and wishes are far, far more important than their father’s preference not to fulfil parenting responsibilities.

I think it is sad, but ultimately, when a woman opt not to have an abortion knowing the father wants nothing to do with the child, she takes some responsibity in the outcome of it. She too is at fault that she will have a child growing up knowing their father wanted nothing to do with them.

He pays mother £800 a month straight into her bank account which he's shown me. He's a high earner so they both agreed on that amount. I suppose it's a way to keep her quiet and make him feel better himself.

I know it's funny how things work out like this, I had no father, he had no father and now he's deciding to be an absent father?

I didn't think about the whole sperm doner thing. Very interesting.

He shouldn’t feel OK about himself, he’s met the bare minimum of his responsibilities, to his DC’s detriment.

I feel bad for men who end up getting a girl pregnant young but I suppose it shows you what their character is if they decide to get involved or not.

DP family have encouraged him to not be involved because the mothers family are "nothing but trouble"

This is even more messed up guys - DP's absent father IS involved with the grandchild. Can someone explain that?!

V poor decisions/‘boundaries‘ on the part of the GC’s parent(s)!

I don't personally see how it's fair to judge if you wouldn't judge a woman for having an abortion or giving a child up for adoption.

Well no one judges a woman for having an abortion or adoption but apparently that isn’t comparable?! Well a man can’t have do either of those and if a woman has a child against his wishes he can’t put it up for adoption so all he can do is walk away, seriously don’t see what the difference is personally. And £800 a month maintenance is a lot of money so he can’t be slated there but I’m sure people still will say it’s not enough 🙄

A man has every right to not parent a child he accidentally made as much as a woman has a right to have an abortion. If he's financially supporting it then that's fine.

It's up to him and I wouldn't judge him.

So the man’s ‘right’ (preference) to do no parenting at all outweighs the DC’s needs and interests. Strongly disagree!

Scum of the earth oxygen thieves is what I think of men like this and I wouldn't give them the time of day. Don't want kids? Double up or abstain.

So the man’s ‘right’ (preference) to do no parenting at all outweighs the DC’s needs and interests. Strongly disagree!

But a man being forced to parent a child he doesn’t want is unlikely to be a good father anyway is he? So it probably is best for the child that he isn’t involved.

The option to be able to get your leg over and walk away from any consequences vs having to make a potentially gut wrenching and life changing decision between perhaps going through a procedure that is uncomfortable/painful/dangerous to you and going through a body and whole life changing pregnancy and birth and raising, nurturing and paying for that child, potentially having to fight tooth and nail for CMS that you might not even get, isn't remotely comparable.

@SruffThem He's not walking away with no consequences, he's having to pay £800 a month. It will never be exactly the same for men and women, naturally, but for women the burden is having to undergo the medical strain and make the decision of whether to terminate, for men the burden is not getting a say in the woman's decision.

I don't see any valid reason why women should have the freedom to choose to abstain from parenting, and men should not. The reasons being given here are purely emotive.

@Smallsteps88

It’s hilarious isn’t it OP?

Ffs grow up.

Sorry have I upset you?

@Smallsteps88

It’s hilarious isn’t it OP?

Ffs grow up.

Sorry have I upset you?

Not everyone finds abortions hard, it’s not a painful decision for everyone, and like I said a man can’t abort or give up a child for adoption so walking away is all he can do. Maybe its painful for him?

Interesting to compare abortion and adoption to this.

I'd say that both 'parents' are at fault. If the man is paying for a child that he never wanted then at least he's discharging that obligation.

I've never thought that anybody has the right to be a parent and just because, as a woman, I might choose to keep a baby that I conceive, I don't have the right to expect the man to stick by my decision if he didn't want a baby.

I know of several women who have had one night stands to effect pregnancy; good luck to them but it's not an unselfish decision by any means and nobody is thinking of the child either. Selfish, both of them.

Smallsteps88 why are you being so rude to the OP?