What do you think about a man who chooses to have no involvement with his child except financial support?

[Mims2]

He didn't want the child. The mother went ahead with the pregnancy knowing he didn't want the child.
I'm hearing different opinions on this. Some say it's okay, some say it's wrong.

Why on Earth was my post deleted?

Well let just say this, he can never moan in years to come that he never hears from his child, no birthday cards or visits.

I don't personally see how it's fair to judge if you wouldn't judge a woman for having an abortion or giving a child up for adoption.

Abortion isn’t comparable at all. Having an abortion is making a responsible decision to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, and later, a child existing. How does that compare to just not raising your child?

Sorry have I upset you?

No I just think you need to grow up instead of grinning about this horrific situation.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Smallsteps88 why are you being so rude to the OP?

I told her to grow up after seeing her grinning about the situation.

I'd say they were childish and irresponsible. They're basically having a lifelong tantrum. Fine to say they didn't want a child, completely unacceptable to fail the human being who is their responsibility by dint of the fact they are a parent because of a woman's act 5, 15, 20,30 or whatever years ago.

zaffa: "But, what about sperm donors, they have someone sharing their DNA and they don't know they are ok or have a relationship with them, but they know the sperm will result in a baby."
......
They don't care, they're paid.

The thing is, without the mother’s consent a man CAN’T place a child for adoption, so if he doesn’t want to parent, then ‘abandonment’ is all he can do. In a country where abortion is freely available it doesn’t come up as much, but there are certainly women that don’t want children, give birth, place the child for adoption, then walk away completely. In much the same way I don’t judge women for doing that, I won’t judge a man either.

And you are very stupid if you think adoption and abandonment are the same thing.

I don't think they are the same thing, I said they both involve not wanting to raise your own child, so are morally equal in that regard, for those saying he's a monster for not wanting to be in the child's life.

Does it make you feel cleverer to call anyone with an opposing viewpoint stupid, because it certainly doesn't make you look it.

The thing is, without the mother’s consent a man CAN’T place a child for adoption, so if he doesn’t want to parent, then ‘abandonment’ is all he can do

That’s simply not true. The situation is The same for both parents.

If the man is the only carer and his ex has walked away and refuses to give consent to the adoption , the court can dispense with her consent on the grounds that she is unreasonably withholding It.
If the woman is the only carer and her ex has walked away and refuses to give consent to the adoption , the court can dispense with his consent on the grounds that she is unreasonably withholding It.

@ThePriceIsNotRight completely agree, that's exactly what I was trying to say.

@PAND0RA and if the ex hasn't walked away?

[quote aSofaNearYou]@PAND0RA and if the ex hasn't walked away? [/quote]
What do you mean?

But the ex hasn’t walked away. The ex has chosen to parent, therefore he can’t give the child for adoption.

Why would a child be placed for adoption when it has one parent who is willing and competent to parent ? You are not seriously suggesting that children be forceably removed from such a parent and placed for adoption so that the absent parent doesn't have to pay ??

Men and women have equal rights in adoption. A woman can’t force a man to place a child for adoption and vice versa.

What isnt equal is biology and you need to address your complaints about that to a higher authority than Mumsnet .

I love the way some posters tie themselves in knots basically arguing for men to have the right to consequence free sex. Women, children and the tax payer need to pick up the tab.

Not really, but I can understand why a man wouldn’t want to parent a child from a stranger that was a one night stand, for 18 years. Surely no one should be forced to parent a child that don’t want anyway as they would probably end up neglecting/abusing the child. In that case it would be best he is not involve.

Involved*

@PumpkinP

I also think that generally, men only want children that they have with a woman they want to keep being with.

Yes to this! I once read on here that “a man only loves his children as much as he loves the mother” and I honestly believe there is a lot of truth to this, obviously not in all cases but in a lot of them, my ex was only interested in seeing the children if me and him were together, my sister said he sees me as a woman he met that has children, they are his

You literally hit the nail on the head there!!!!!!

He said that he would have children with someone who he loves etc.

Of course we're not suggesting that. You said it isn't true that men don't have the right to put the child up for adoption. They don't, if the mother wants to keep it. We aren't the ones tieing ourselves in knots, you and others are tieing yourselves in knots to say it's fine for a woman to not want to raise their child, and not for a man to do the same.

There’s so many men who are desperate to have sex with woman. Oh yes they know that pregnancy is a possible consequence of PIV sex but they don’t care, it’s not their problem.

Until she’s pregnant and suddenly it was a mistake, she tricked them, she’s a bunny boiler, she lied about being on the pill, he never wanted kids anyway, she lied to him about having an abortion, she just wanted a council house, it was a one night stand, he didn’t love her... ..the list is endless.

Well at least you know where You stand OP. If you have a child with him he will walk away when it no longer suits him. And he will be telling the same stories to the next women who dates him.

My ex husband decided he didnt want to be a parent anymore because he wasnt with me, he can be a parent to his new kids and his stepchildren though
Men like that lack integrity and are fake fathers, faking it because of who they are with.
What a put off I dont know how op isnt massively put off of this man.
Op you know if you have kids with him the whole time you will know his relationship with them isnt real.
If you split he wont be there for them.

If you want to argue that man generally are of poor character and are being dishonest in these situations then I can empathise, but I still believe that a genuine scenario of a man choosing to walk away after an unplanned pregnancy conceived despite contraception, should be considered the moral equivalent of a woman putting that child up for adoption. There will be many instances where this is the case.

I don't agree that emotionally a man walking away is the same as a woman putting a baby up for adoption
BUT
@PAND0RA
Can you not see a scenario where a man finds out he is going to be a father and doesn't want to be? Women have a choice in this instance. Men do not.

You are deluded if you think every ejaculation PiV is a mans responsibility to involved parenting.
If I were a man the fact that I could (rightly) be forced to pay for 18 years in this instance would be harrowing.

Perhaps they need to put more research into a male pill

Can I also go back to the point OP SAID HE WAS 16!

Fgs women don't "put their babies up for adoption". Around 5000 children are able to be adopted each year, roughly 60 of whom are babies and infants. in the vast majority of these 60 cases, the baby is removed due to concerns re safety eg because of addiction or other issues incompatible with a safe living environment.

By way of contrast, 180000 men don't see their kids and 300000 don't financially support them.

When a baby is placed for adoption it is a sad and unusual situation, but men abandoning children is an epidemic.