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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has been using cam/chat site **Title edited by MNHQ**

243 replies

where2begin · 02/07/2020 13:17

Just discovered that my DP has been using the website chaturbate.
I'm devastated. We literally just reserved a house.

OP posts:
KillSwitch · 02/07/2020 16:50

So sorry OP. If I'd been reading this seven years ago when I discovered exDP doing the same I'd have given some bullshit about how you can get past this but honestly... You can't. I thought I could get past it, and for some time genuinely thought I had got past it, but you'll always wonder if he's still doing it and in exDP's case it just escalated to him actively looking for other people to physically cheat with.
Ultimately it's up to you what you do but think long and hard before getting tied into a mortgage with this man! Flowers

Bookaholic73 · 02/07/2020 16:53

I’m not sure what that website is, but I presume it’s not good.

Sounds like you’re better off having found out now.

NoMoreDickheads · 02/07/2020 16:59

Ewwwww. One of my many dodgy exes used to watch that, we lived in separate cities and he used to try and encourage me to watch it too.

He turned out to be obsessed with porn, women as sexual objects etc. Not good.

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/07/2020 17:14

No way I would be tied to that....financially or otherwise.

Crystalspider · 02/07/2020 17:24

Can you cancel the reservation?
I'd see this a red flag to back out now.
Sorry op

ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 17:26

I never understand why posters put the name of the grubby website in the thread title. It makes it look like an advert.

Tryalittletenderness · 02/07/2020 17:41

What is it?

ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 17:43

I think we can all make a good guess from the name. Looks like a portmanteau. Bleurgh.

where2begin · 02/07/2020 18:11

I've requested a thread title change. I was in shock when I posted and couldn't think straight. He's insisting he only went on once out of curiosity but I really don't believe it. I feel like everything has been turned upside down.

OP posts:
nopoo · 02/07/2020 18:21

Have never heard of this but it sounds vile. I'm so sorry OP.

I would not go ahead with the house move.

How did you find out?

JustKittenAround · 02/07/2020 18:23

I’m so sorry. I think this is a massive red flag. I had to look up the site, and from what I have read here and other relationship forums... this is usually the tip of the iceberg...

where2begin · 02/07/2020 18:26

Weirdly, a screen grab video in his recently deleted photos folder!!

OP posts:
ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 18:30

What is your legal position with the house purchase?

Wifeofbikerviking · 02/07/2020 18:30

Is everything else otherwise going well? I'm hardly the most chill wife going but I dont think I'd end it over porn unless I was convinced it was affecting our relationship.
Maybe ask him to show you his account and history on it so you can see whether hes being honest about his use of it.

Blahblahblahzz · 02/07/2020 18:32

I’ll be honest... most guys are on it.

where2begin · 02/07/2020 18:32

@ArriettyJones literally just reserved and paid the reservation fee
@Wifeofbikerviking he says he doesn't have an account. He's insisting that he was only on it one time.

Yes otherwise all has been well. But I feel very betrayed. If it had been a porn site, looking at videos that might be different but it's live cams with a chat function

OP posts:
KobeWan · 02/07/2020 18:33

I've never even heard of it. What is it?

ArriettyJones · 02/07/2020 18:35

Hopefully it won’t be too expensive to back out then. At least you found out in time. Sorry you had a shock, though. Flowers

I’ll be honest... most guys are on it.

Some of them are probably the Ben honest with their partners about it, eh?

doyounothavegoogle · 02/07/2020 18:37

@KobeWan

I've never even heard of it. What is it?
I've never heard of it either, but it isn't massively hard to work out from it's name.
doyounothavegoogle · 02/07/2020 18:37

its

Divebar · 02/07/2020 18:37

I went over there to have a look a while ago after someone mentioned it to me. It’s sex cams... women, men and some couples. I assumed you would need to pay to even enter but you don’t. It was slightly dull to be honest because they’re obviously waiting for enough people to show up.... and then there are certain things you can pay for the performer to do for you. So for me there would be a difference between someone spending money and potentially chatting and someone just watching.... not saying either is good if done regularly.

NoMoreDickheads · 02/07/2020 18:38

I don't think most guys are on Chaturbate IDK. Pornhub, Xhamster, sites like that are more popular.

Chaturbate seems a bit worse to me because the women are directly performing seals for the audience. But that's just my feeling about it.

Wifeofbikerviking · 02/07/2020 18:39

Ah ok. The chatting to real people thing is worse. In your shoes I'd probably pull out of the purchase and take some time to see where you both are on this

Divebar · 02/07/2020 18:39

You don’t need to have an account

TenShortStories · 02/07/2020 18:42

Even if he went on once out of 'curiosity' (very unlikely) why is that supposed to be OK?! What was he 'curious' about? Essentially he's telling you that he'd been thinking about paying for interactive video cam sex work and went on the website to take a look at how it all worked - is that supposed to reflect well on him Hmm? That is bad enough to leave him over, without even getting to the fact that whatever he admitted to is probably a scaled down version of what actually happened.

Your sense of betrayal is spot on.