DH has been using cam/chat site **Title edited by MNHQ**

[where2begin]

Just discovered that my DP has been using the website chaturbate.
I'm devastated. We literally just reserved a house.

[Habbyhadno]

I wouldn't have a massive issue with this unless DH was spending a fortune on it. Just have a chat with him and say that it makes you feel uncomfortable, sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. I wouldn't take my DH watching porn as a reflection of the way he felt about me, it's not the same thing at all.

[LexMitior]

I think one really big issue with porn webcams is not even the moral dimension (though that’s an issue). The way men justify it is idiotic, actually, because they spend all their romancing a woman etc. She naturally responds to that treatment and thinks of him very highly, and then assumes all of him adheres to this amazing standard.

Then of course she finds his porn or webcam habit and the effect is terrible. It destroys this lovely romantic thing and then women get a harder edge as a result.

Yes, it’s sad really. The woman realises her prince is just looking at web cam girls. That was not part of the story.

You get lots of posters saying all men do it. Many do. But they pretend not because they want women who really think they are charming and amazing.

[jackdaw141]

I bet David Attenborough doesn’t do porn. And Audrey Hepburn wouldn’t have indulged it. That’s good enough for me.

[Busybee2912]

I don’t see much of a difference between porn and camming. Yes the latter may be more personal be because there is interaction. But it’s still men looking at other naked women and being turned on by them. It’s a no from me. DP respects it too.

[SoulofanAggron]

I bet David Attenborough doesn’t do porn.

I bet he does you know- well did when he was younger anyway. Maybe he's really kinky.

[tarasmalatarocks]

Lex, you are in my opinion correct. Sone women may well be ok with it, but for those of us who aren’t, it’s hard to actually see them in quite the same light again and somehow kills the romance/attraction. I appreciate not everyone feels that way, but I certainly did

[tarasmalatarocks]

Those of you saying ‘they are all at it’ , well many are that’s obvious but it doesn’t mean you just have to be ok and cool about it if it you aren’t, would we say that about alcoholics or big gamblers etc, if a habit offends you and affects how you feel, it’s a problem, regardless of the rights or wrongs of it.

[echodot]

@Blahblahblahzz

I’ll be honest... most guys are on it.

I'll be honest...Don't be ridiculous

[sadannie]

I understand the hurt but I don't really see what makes it so much worse than prerecorded porn?

[echodot]

@where2begin

I do actually believe that he's not been doing this regularly. Or that he's ever paid for anything.
But it doesn't change how it's made me feel.
I feel like I'm not enough and I feel worthless. I feel so sad. Because there was a screen recording I saw a glimpse of what he watched. Blonde (not me). Massive boobs (not me).
How would I every feel secure or confident around him ever again?

I found my ex on Pornhub frequently even though he said he had done it twice. Always the same type with massive boobs. I couldn't get past it. I looked at web browsing history. Its not hard to do. He was on it when I was in the bath, at the shops, round a friend's house. 5 mins here and there. Its never only twice
I could get past it and we split

[LexMitior]

That’s easy; it’s the same reason people pay for lap dances in private or any other sexual service. You get to pretend it’s for you.

That’s the issue, the appearance of intimacy with a stranger. That it’s just to get off to can really upset partners.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

hoping to find some pure angel is just impractical

"some pure angel"

Should women honestly have to spell out that they don't want their partners to use virtual hookers.

FFS - come on now

[QuentinWinters]

I understand the hurt but I don't really see what makes it so much worse than prerecorded porn?
Pre recorded porn is anonymous
Webcams the people are talking, the man is requesting particular acts etc.

If you are ok with webcams, would you be ok with a partner sexting someone or doing facetime sex?

[Socialdistancegintonic]

Why go and get stimulation elsewhere if the partner you love and fancy enthusiastically gives you all the attention you need? It’s grim.

It’s really grim. So much bullshit around that ‘everyone does it’, and ‘it’s normal’. It really, really isn’t okay. It’s like everyone is in some kind of duped state where we believe that ‘exciting’ sex life = watching other people being degraded and working for next to nothing in a horrible industry riddled with abuse and dark practices... so that is where it’s okay to have a ‘sideline’ sexual intimacy when we are supposedly in a caring, loving sexual monogamous relationship?

It’s completely fucked up.

[TomNook]

I never get why women chuck them out of the bedroom. So he has more time on his phone?

[echodot]

@TomNook

I never get why women chuck them out of the bedroom. So he has more time on his phone?

No! Because they don't want to be near the creep!!

[Arrivederla]

@Socialdistancegintonic

Why go and get stimulation elsewhere if the partner you love and fancy enthusiastically gives you all the attention you need? It’s grim.

It’s really grim. So much bullshit around that ‘everyone does it’, and ‘it’s normal’. It really, really isn’t okay. It’s like everyone is in some kind of duped state where we believe that ‘exciting’ sex life = watching other people being degraded and working for next to nothing in a horrible industry riddled with abuse and dark practices... so that is where it’s okay to have a ‘sideline’ sexual intimacy when we are supposedly in a caring, loving sexual monogamous relationship?

It’s completely fucked up.

This. Exactly this.

[Arrivederla]

@TomNook

I never get why women chuck them out of the bedroom. So he has more time on his phone?

So what do you suggest women do? Carry on sleeping with men who have upset and hurt them as if nothing has happened?

FFS.

[Purplephonecover]

Every porn site has pop ups and video adverts for live web cams, live video chat etc. It’s not hard to see why men use them, the excessive advertising may be normalising this?

I think you need to decide if this is something that crosses your boundaries, you need an honest chat about porn, chaterbate won’t be the only time he’s done this or looked at porn.

[Sooobooored]

According to the threads on here and my personal experience, there aren’t many men who are into romancing or being charming or amazing sadly. They seem to be able to couple up anyway.

[QuentinWinters]

I'm gonna hide the thread now because I'm finding it really difficult.
Post about finding your husband had an affair/been sexting - universal LTB
Post that he's been using prostitutes - LTB
Post you are having an EA - flaming for being unfaithful
Post your husband watches live private sex shows - that's fine, it's just porn, all men do it

OP if you do want to talk, please PM me.

[ThoseBootsAreMadeForWalking]

if a habit offends you and affects how you feel, it’s a problem, regardless of the rights or wrongs of it.

@tarasmalatarocks
You are right here and it feels like a lost battle when propaganda of normalisation is push down our throats. See all the comments on ‘it’s normal’, ‘you can’t police your partner’s desires’, ‘everyone does it so just accept it’. It’s watching people paid (either directly or via advertising) to have sex for the viewer’s entertainment and somehow has been glamourised from sex work to porn stardom. Would the ones who are ‘ok with it’ be ok with other type of sex work?
Look how many men will try to make you accept that it’s part and parcel of masturbation.
The person with the habit is in denial, society is in denial, the $97b porn industry which is worth more than Hollywood merrily entertains the denial.
What makes me the saddest are women who share their experiences of losing their families to porn addicts and young women who think it’s the ‘normal now*. It all starts the same way :(.

[ThoseBootsAreMadeForWalking]

Post your husband watches live private sex shows - that's fine, it's just porn, all men do it
@QuentinWinters

Cross posted with with you but basically saying the same. I just don’t understand :(

OP I hope you are ok.

[Razpoot]

Watching porn denies a true, deep sexual experience with your partner. Because then their naked body is just one of the many, and sex isn't this amazing, intimate and deep thing anymore. My partner said to me, "I'm only fantasizing about having sex with them, I wouldn't actually do it!" to which I said, "so it would be okay for me to fantasize about cheating as long as I wouldn't actually do it?"

Of course I was met with "nonono thats so wrong!". Logic eye roll

[Boopthesnoot1]

Hi Op

I just wanted to tell you my story. My DP, I have caught 3 times looking at porn. The first time we never really spoke about it before hand and so we didn't end up breaking up but it was close. I felt the same, small boobs, not pretty enough. The second time, he was looking at one of those fit chicks on FB. While not porn it f*cking hurt. The third time was a video on YouTube. These things happened in a span of a year. My partner was addicted to porn, and for me he beat that addiction. Its been 4 years since the last incident and I can say I don't feel insecure anymore. It took a lot but I now know those girls he was looking at was not what he wanted in real life, its just different to look at, not a preference. He is a wonderful partner and we have a 2 year old daughter together. He is my soul mate.
Listen, you're perfect and you're enough and I'm sure he will tell you that, you may not believe him now but you will eventually if you chose to stay. I'm happy and if he is the one, you can get thru this, just might take awhile.