One for the wank bank.

[Oneforthewankbank]

OK- we broke lock down, there will be some that think it's karma. I know it was stupid, you are right. I have no argument back so won't engage on this point.

My BF and I went to a BBQ earlier. Whilst there my BF took a photo of me and another woman. Then said That's one for the wank bank and saved it.

I didn't say anything but left as soon as he left the room to chat to his friends in another room

I just think he is genuinely disrespectful to me and the other girl he has hurt my feelings that he would save pictures of another woman for this purpose.

The term wank bank is disrespectful to women anyway and he is violating the other woman who was there with her boyfriend, I can't even touch on that for now.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order.

Please tell me I am not the one on the wrong here, I feel like i am going nuts that he is blaming me for not taking the joke.

Wowwww you are definitely not being unreasonable!

That's really disrespectful to both you and the other woman, what a pig!

Thank you, I needed to hear that for my sanity. He is literally telling me that I am being immature and need to grow up.

I cant even think about how wrong it is for her because its shocking.

But it is an awful thing to say knowing I could hear him too. It made me feel about 2cm tall.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me

At this point I’d have agreed with him and told him he's now single.

Get rid.

Grim.

Oh i have told him I haven't got it in me to argue about this. I know I am not in the wrong.

If he had accepted why I was hurt and apologised for being an idiot maybe I qould have had somewhere to go qith the discussion but to make oyt like I am in the wrong qell there is no reposnse to that really.

Sorry about the spelling, I am upset and typing on my phone.

It does sound a bit gross tbh when you see it written down, but I have on occasion done a little mime of taking a photo, with a wink, meaning “one for the bank” with my DP and he thinks it’s funny. Eg at the love scene in Rocketman between Elton and his manager. It was pretty steamy!

And I have a folder of pics called The Bank on my phone but it’s only DP in there and mainly fully clothed, just ones where he looks particularly handsome. I can imagine joking if I took a photo of him and a friend that I might say it and he’d laugh.

But somehow coming from a man it does sound more seedy to me. Or maybe I’m deluding myself and I’m also a perv.

he says nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order

If nothing he does is good enough, then he's the one who's out of order.

Trust yourself. The reason you feel like he's being awful is because he's being awful. You're only doubting yourself because he's telling you to doubt yourself. But the fact is, your standards demand better than him.

Does he know the other woman? I think that might colour it for me. Sorry, not trying to defend him as I know you’re upset, just seeing it from the other side.

I don’t suppose he would actually wank over a photo of you two fully clothed at a BBQ, it was just a stupid joke.

He has tons of pictures of me. This one was for the wank bank because the other woman was in it. He doesnt deny that, just that he was joking.

He has been belittling her boyfriend all night, being really nasty in a 'banter' kind of way. I thought he was jealous that he was talking to me so much much (him and his girlfriend, not one on one) but obviously he was trying to be the alpha male to this other woman.

no he doesn't know her, we both met her tonight for the first time.

Thankfully he has shown his true colours before you were married and his failure to apologise reinforces his values.

He may never think it is wrong because in his mind women are just objects, there to be used.

When someone shows you who they are, listen. You have self respect but can't force others to respect you..you can dump him however.

He has been belittling her boyfriend all night, being really nasty in a 'banter' kind of way. I thought he was jealous that he was talking to me so much much (him and his girlfriend, not one on one) but obviously he was trying to be the alpha male to this other woman.

He sounds like a total twat.

How long have you been together?

oh he is definitely dumped, I just don't see how he can try and make me out to be unreasonable here. I genuinely can't see why he doesn't understand why I would be upset over this. He said i need to grow up.

We were together for a 17 months we split up at Christmas though and got back together before lock down. At his insistence.

Very disrespectful!
Me and my hubby might say this but we know what the line is for the partner and don't cross it. If he doesn't know this it's wrong! You have to be on the same page

He genuinely thinks he is not in the wrong.

I’m sure he probably does understand why you’d be upset about it but he doesn’t want to back down and say sorry, so instead he blames you. Text book behaviour for twats like this. I’m sure he wishes you’d just be ‘cool’ about this behaviour, some women may be fine with it but it’s clearly not for you. You don’t have to lower your standards for him. Move on, he’s not the one for you.

I cant imagine his reaction if I did that. I dont know how anyone could be cool about it. If it was a picture of me for the wank bank then fair enough but he saved it because it had another woman on which he admits ....

Grosssss. I feel a bit sick just reading that. Have you heard of Schrodinger’s misogynist? He waits to see your reaction and then whines that “it was only a joke!” if you don’t react well. It’s the perfect get-out clause!

'Least you got a garden out of it'?

I wouldn't be speaking to him again. Passive aggressive as hell.

God, how old are the pair of you? Plastering those text messages over the Internet does neither of you much credit.

You’re clearly just different people. He thinks things like this are a joke, you don’t. If this means a lot to you, you have to just dump him and put it down to a bad experience. Stop texting him.

Its an anonymous forum. Just thought I would add the messages rather than type it all out.

Yes he laid some decking for me. (Hence the garfen comment)

Best rid. He makes everything someone else's fault I would guess. Did you live together? Confused by his pathetic dig about a garden!