One for the wank bank.

[Oneforthewankbank]

OK- we broke lock down, there will be some that think it's karma. I know it was stupid, you are right. I have no argument back so won't engage on this point.

My BF and I went to a BBQ earlier. Whilst there my BF took a photo of me and another woman. Then said That's one for the wank bank and saved it.

I didn't say anything but left as soon as he left the room to chat to his friends in another room

I just think he is genuinely disrespectful to me and the other girl he has hurt my feelings that he would save pictures of another woman for this purpose.

The term wank bank is disrespectful to women anyway and he is violating the other woman who was there with her boyfriend, I can't even touch on that for now.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order.

Please tell me I am not the one on the wrong here, I feel like i am going nuts that he is blaming me for not taking the joke.

Those comments are referring to when we broke up previously. We split up in December and only got back together as we went into lock down. We haven't had any issues in the past few weeks and I havent criticised him.

That wheel is very interesting. I had another thread on here about him today under another nick name and another poster used the ecact word "like hes the King of the castle" then I see it there written down on another unrelated thread.

You just called a woman "a bird"
You're both as misogynistic as each other

"like hes the King of the castle"

That's a reference to the Freedom Programme.

Kudos for dumping. I would have lost all regard for him after his cave man routine. He showed utter disrespect for this woman, her boyfriend, and especially for you. How dare he humiliate you in this way.

It was a way to diss both of you as mere wank fodder - not human. He was probably jealous. I had a similar ex.

DARVO is the term for tactic asshats like him use when they act inappropriately and then blame the person they treated badly for objecting.
Deny
Attack
Reverse
Victim and
Offender

I’d just laugh. You seem as though you hate your DH if this bothers you so much.

Why did it take you 17 months to figure out what a wanker he is? Id explore that. Still, better late than never.

That was such a vile, crude thing for him to say about you and the other woman who I hope did not hear. Yeuch. How old is he? That sounded like school playground talk.

You can do better than him, I'm glad you've ended it. There are plenty of men who wouldn't dream of using such language or thinking of girls in only that way.

God, how old are the pair of you?Plastering those text messages over the Internet does neither of you much credit.

^
This

A BBQ FFS

I was on pins all night because this couple were talking to me and I know he gets jealous about other blokes

There you go then, that's why he said it. He was jealous; he said it to bring you down a peg or two. Nice...

And I agree with the comments about the sort of people who'd host a bbq for their mates at this time.

It was a joke. My boyfriend and I make those types of jokes. About ourselves, about each other, about other people. It is "our" sense of humour. (Although we wouldn't make those types of comments in front of stranger because it is unfair to involve others in you inappropriate jokes when you don't know how they'll take it.)

BUT, you clearly don't share that sense of humour, so him doing that was not an attempt at being funny. His aim was to make you feel jealous, insecure, needy, to keep you low and scared, 2cm tall. It sounds like you both have serious insecurities. It is so damaging when those issues clash. There are plenty of other people out there who won't need to put you down to make themselves feel better. Get rid of him and work on yourself before taking on someone else's problems.

That's what idiots call 'banter', which is really code for 'I can be an asshole and if you complain it means you're boring/priggish/lame

It was meant to put you in your place. I am glad that you have instead put him in his

This^^

To those saying it’s just a joke, well, you obviously don’t have the same sense of humour. I find this is very important in a successful relationship. Hopefully he will find someone who will find the thought of him having a wank over a photo of her and another woman erm...amusing.

YANBU. He sounds like a dick and some free decking is scant reward for putting up with him for so long.

OP why are you focusing so hard on the fact that he might wank over another woman??

The fact is, men do fantasise about other women...so do women!
The ugly truth is that he objectifies women habitually.

Plus his spelling is atrocious so unless he has dyslexia or something, you're better off without the ignorant fool.

I’d dump him for just using the term wank bank.

what everyone else says. Get rid.

he is stupid and immature and if you stay with him you empower him by dispolaying what you are prepared to put up with. he will push it and push it.

Dump him. Be prepared for him to get nasty and to try and twist it all on you. He is an immature slimy nasty little shit.

Totally pathetic comment from him, and yes, he has zero respect for you or any other female by the look of it.

I Admin in a FB group and we don't allow anything referring to that sort of thing to be said by any of the male members (funnily enough, it ALWAYS is the male members...) towards any of the other members. Instant deletion, possible mute and if they carry on they're out of the group. Utterly disrespectful.

Glad you've dumped him - as it sounds you have - but if you haven't quite got there yet, then please do.

You are definitely not in the wrong, and he is definitely the one who needs to grow up. No mature man who has any respect for women, let alone their partners, would dream of saying something so utterly stupid. His alpha male behaviour with the other guest's boyfriend is equally immature.

I was on pins all night

You’re afraid of him. Afraid of upsetting the Apple cart. He acts like the alpha male. He’s insecure. He turns issues around on you. He plays the martyr. He’s passive aggressive.

Please don’t go back to him. He’s an abuser.

He guilts you into doing things you don’t want to do. The rules don’t apply to him. He puts you at risk.

There are more red flags here than the Kremlin.

He uses Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to get what he wants from you.

You can also guarantee that he will be wanking over that photo. And more. You can guarantee that he has lied to you in many an occasion because the rules don’t apply to him. He’s probably also told you a story or two about himself that isn’t entirely true. Has he also ‘confessed’ wrongdoings in the past - all repentant, opening up to you?

Don't waste any more of your time with him
He's a knob

One for the wank bank could be funny if that's part of your couples humour. I'd say if you're in wellies with hair dye on and some veet on your moustache. But in public with a stranger is gross.

But his other behaviour is rubbish, he's crap.

Jealous about your decking, now that's one for the wank bank 🍆