One for the wank bank.

[Oneforthewankbank]

OK- we broke lock down, there will be some that think it's karma. I know it was stupid, you are right. I have no argument back so won't engage on this point.

My BF and I went to a BBQ earlier. Whilst there my BF took a photo of me and another woman. Then said That's one for the wank bank and saved it.

I didn't say anything but left as soon as he left the room to chat to his friends in another room

I just think he is genuinely disrespectful to me and the other girl he has hurt my feelings that he would save pictures of another woman for this purpose.

The term wank bank is disrespectful to women anyway and he is violating the other woman who was there with her boyfriend, I can't even touch on that for now.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order.

Please tell me I am not the one on the wrong here, I feel like i am going nuts that he is blaming me for not taking the joke.

So he's the one making immature and crass/gross comments, keeping photos of other women on his phone, playing alpha male to some other bloke who chats to "his" woman, general Neanderthal manner and apparently it's you who needs to grow up?
Aye right. Nice projection of your own issues there lad.

Well done on dumping OP, onwards and upwards!

He's the joke.

The comment is one that my wife is more likely to make than me, i.e. she'd say "that's one for your wank bank" as I took the photo of her and a friend. It works because we're both secure in our relationship and trust the hell out of each other. If insecurities are there then it ceases to become a joke.

Neither of you are secure enough for this joke or banter so it doesn't matter what others find acceptable.

And blokes don't wank over photos of fully clothed women, it's just a phrase.

Neither of you are secure enough for this joke or banter so it doesn't matter what others find acceptable.

Thank god you’re not ‘secure’ enough for this rubbish, OP. Good for you. 👏

The comment is one that my wife is more likely to make than me, i.e. she'd say "that's one for your wank bank" as I took the photo of her and a friend.

If I was your wife's friend I'd feel pretty appalled by that - yuck 🤢 (definitely not envy)

First rule of wank bank, dont tell the missus. The guy is amateur

He sounds repulsive.

Indeed, that poor couple getting caught up with such unpleasant people.

OP,
Start focusing on yourself.

Your relationship bar is very very low.

You have a miserable life ahead of you if you don't have basic standards.

You deserve better.

He sounds odious.

@midnightstar66 obviously the situation would have to be right, she knows her friends well enough to know what's acceptable.

No, you're not in the wrong at all. His actions were gross and unattractive. I like to think I'd dump a bloke for this. There are plenty of men around, we don't have to stay with gross ones.

^Facial expression when he said it is the missing piece of the jigsaw. It sounds like this isn't the first time he's been pulled up on his sense of humour.

I have a similar sense of humour where it's dancing on 'the line' of being offensive. The art is reading the room and knowing when you've gone over it to make amends. You just aren't compatible, nothing wrong with him or you barring the lockdown thing^

@Vretz There's nothing funny about photoing a woman for sleazy purposes without her knowledge.

1. He’s jealous, because he knows how he behaves. It’s called projecting.

1. He thinks he’s a bit of a comedian “wank bank”. He clearly isn’t.

1. He is a show off - flexing by belittling another person’s boyfriend. He sees a pretty face and can’t help himself (link back to first point)

1. He doesn’t have the decency to apologise. Even for just hurting your feelings.

1. He cannot spell.

1. People don’t change. He is a twat and will always be a twat.

So, it’s your call op (I understand you’ve dumped him, but have a history of taking him back) but if I were you, I would be looking to upgrade permanently.

I find it depressing that some posters on here (I assume they are women) think that the behaviour of the now ex boyfriend is in any way acceptable.

They must have very low standards.

He gets a photo for his masturbatory practices, you got some nice decking.

Not too bad a trade. Especially as you don't have to deal with the (literal) wanker any more.

When you feel ready to consider dating again, can I suggest you set your bar at least as high as 'he is capable of spelling the word Know'?

He is literally telling me that I am being immature and need to grow up

Classic DARVO

YANBU.

He genuinely thinks he is not in the wrong

No, no, no...not true.
He KNOWS he's in the wrong....but he's just denying it completely and making out he did nothing wrong leaving you stuck explaining why it was hurtful and why it was indeed wrong.
He 100% knows that it was wrong!

Thanks for the input everyone, even those that don't agree with me, they at least help me to see his side.

He goes on constantly about how other men fancy me, like its my fault somehow. Then I feel on edge anytime another man talks to me or anything. The man of the couple was spending a lot of time talking to me and I knew he was getting annoyed at it.

I made a conscious effort to focus my attention on the mans girlfriend, not because I thought the man was trying it on, funnily enough I am not so irresistible that men come on to me every whrre I go. But because I could tell it was bothering my BF.

He then started with the Alph male stuff, the so called banter, telling him he was losing his hair, he was boring on about work, being really rude.

I felt really uncomfortable all night, then to blatantly take a photo of me and this woman and say infront of everyone its one for the wank bank was done deliberately to put me down. I dont even want to imagine how the woman felt. He is 10 years her senior (she is 3 years younger than me) I guarantee she wouldn't have been anything other than creeped out.

Those saying I sound insecure, I am not going to drip feed but yes, I am, he spent a long time making sure of it. Then we split up in December and I have really worked on myself. I won't tolerate him trying to bring me down again so whilst it might seem an over reaction for this incident, its a boundary of him making me feel bad about myself that I am not willing to go down that road again.

Funnily enough it all stems from the fact that I am actually much more attractive than him and he can't believe I went out with but rather than be proud of it he tries to belittle me and make me doubt myself so I won't run off with someone better than him.

I will probably get piled on and called vain for that comment but it's the simple truth. I can see that now but last year was hell for me trying to work out why I wasn't good enough for him and why he always put me down compared to other women.

I haven't RTT but I have a mixed group of friends that use this term. Only in jest though.
I'm not offended in anyway as both sexes in the group use it.

Sorry I’ve put this in the wrong place 😐

And about the BBQ - I know it was wrong and I don't defend my actions at all. I hold my hands up and admit it was selfish to go.

There was one poster further back who understood my reasons. you have obviously been where I am and I dont wish it on anyone.

And for those saying that they and their friends would joke about this stuff. The woman was not a friend, we had literally just met her, thats what makes it all so seedy. If it was one of the gang (his mates) it wouldn't have upset me, I would have still thought he is a creep but I would have at least known it as an attempt at humour.

Really, OP? You’re happy enough for him to coerce you into going to a BBQ despite lockdown. But when it comes to a sleazy one-liner suddenly it’s text message rows and dumpage time?

Not buying it, sorry. You’ve control over your own limbs you know.

@SharonBubble call the police and report him, that what you do.

@SharonBubble
Your husband has broken the law.
Call the police.
They will help you.
Be brave.
Call the police.
This is part of Coercive control.

OP,
I hope you will move on and work on yourself.

His behaviour is so disgusting and repulsive.

If I was that poor woman I would be so furious at having to listen to scum like him.

How you can bear to have your name associated with someone so disgusting.

Move on.

He is the absolute dregs.

OP, I'm glad you've got rid of this arse hole. You needed to. It took me. Alot longer to get rid of mine. Versions, and there wasn't just one. I've now been in an amazing relationship for a number of years and now understand what a healthy relationship is. I think until your lucky enough to hav ebeenn in one, you don't realise how fucked up others ones have been.

One easy lesson I learnt, and I think I'm older than you, so dont please waste as many years as I did on dickheads, is as soon as you have to change the way you act to make someone else happy, alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear. And if it's not a relationship you wouldn't hope for a child to be in, in the future, don't accept it for yourself.

Good luck in the future