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Original poster

One for the wank bank.

213 replies

Oneforthewankbank · 25/05/2020 01:39

OK- we broke lock down, there will be some that think it's karma. I know it was stupid, you are right. I have no argument back so won't engage on this point.

My BF and I went to a BBQ earlier. Whilst there my BF took a photo of me and another woman. Then said That's one for the wank bank and saved it.

I didn't say anything but left as soon as he left the room to chat to his friends in another room

I just think he is genuinely disrespectful to me and the other girl he has hurt my feelings that he would save pictures of another woman for this purpose.

The term wank bank is disrespectful to women anyway and he is violating the other woman who was there with her boyfriend, I can't even touch on that for now.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order.

Please tell me I am not the one on the wrong here, I feel like i am going nuts that he is blaming me for not taking the joke.

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 25/05/2020 08:29

Sorry but what the hell were you doing at a BBQ? Standing next to people to have your photo taken?
I haven't seen any of my family since lockdown started. Neither have a lot of other people. Hmm
But it's OK for you to go to a BBQ with people you don't even know. Priceless.

thedancingbear · 25/05/2020 08:31

^Sorry but what the hell were you doing at a BBQ? Standing next to people to have your photo taken?
I haven't seen any of my family since lockdown started. Neither have a lot of other people. hmm
But it's OK for you to go to a BBQ with people you don't even know. Priceless.^

She's explained she's not interested in discussing this in the OP, so that's fine apparently.

Covid doesn't really affect most under 18's anyway.

Ursula2001 · 25/05/2020 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 25/05/2020 08:34

It’s crass thing to say anyway, I really hate that phrase.

But I would finish with somebody for stuff like that

Windmillwhirl · 25/05/2020 08:35

Oh geez he is immature.

The whole him being rude to others and trying to be an alpha male would have been enough for me. The comment would have been the final straw.

Well done, op.

DailyKegelReminder · 25/05/2020 08:37

Problem for me would be involving another person in the joke. Probably made her feel very uncomfortable, that's the issue. That's what makes him gross IMO. Poor woman was just trying to break lockdown rules at a BBQ and has someone else's fella making pervy jokes.

peperethecat · 25/05/2020 08:45

He sounds really immature. How old are you both and how long have you been together?

A lot of men say things like this without thinking. The questions you need to ask yourself are, 1, do you want to be with the sort of man who says things like this without thinking, and 2, do you want to be with the sort of man who goes on the defensive when you call him out on something like this rather than apologising?

If the answer is no, get rid.

I bet the other woman was uncomfortable about his comment too.

Corruptedtongue · 25/05/2020 08:45

Lots of immature and idiotic behaviour all round - bbq’s, alpha males making demeaning comments. Not sure if you are more jealous that he was perving, or standing up against misogynistic behaviour. Hopefully it’s the latter. I hope you decide to distance yourself from this group of people and stick to lockdown rules.

Buggedandconfused · 25/05/2020 08:46

I would be deeply unhappy about the comment and the way he was talking to the woman’s husband.

Ignore everyone who says you are being too sensitive. If your boundaries are triggered by this then do not ignore your feelings. He’s not the man for you.

He has very bad grammar too and sounds immature and misogynistic . I couldn’t deal with that alone.

thedancingbear · 25/05/2020 08:46

I hope you decide to distance yourself from this group of people and stick to lockdown rules.

Not much chance of that. She's explained in the OP that she doesn't give a fuck.

Buggedandconfused · 25/05/2020 08:47

And as for lockdown rules. I think the Dominic Cummings fiasco has fucked that one. Many people are not going to give a shit now unfortunately.

midnightstar66 · 25/05/2020 08:50

She didn't say she didn't give a fuck fwiw, she said she knows it was wrong and and can't defend it.

tenlittlecygnets · 25/05/2020 08:50

He has been belittling her boyfriend all night, being really nasty in a 'banter' kind of way. I thought he was jealous that he was talking to me so much much (him and his girlfriend, not one on one) but obviously he was trying to be the alpha male to this other woman.

Well, the wank bank comment was disgusting but it's the above that would really do it for me. What a knob.

Bin, block, move on. No point texting him. He hasn't got the brains to listen or be self-aware.

tenlittlecygnets · 25/05/2020 08:51

And, by the way, you're both twats for breaking lockdown.

thedancingbear · 25/05/2020 08:51

But did it anyway. She clearly doesn't give a flying fuck. What do you think happened, that she forgot?

Why are you sticking up for her?

midnightstar66 · 25/05/2020 08:53

Because unlike the leaders of our country she had the good grace to accept she made a poor decision- went on to state that she felt pressured by her PA and manipulative (ex)P who makes her feel like a spoil sort regularly. I've been there so I can sympathise

Corruptedtongue · 25/05/2020 08:53

Dominic Cummings wasn’t perving over women at bbq’s tho. I do think he was trying to protect his family.

peperethecat · 25/05/2020 08:54

Read your updates. Ugh, this sounds like a totally toxic relationship.

Bin, bin, bin. Block his number and never speak to him again. Not so much because of the wank bank comment but because of all the other things you've said about him. You can't be in a healthy relationship with someone who makes your life hell for talking to two people at a BBQ.

Still, at least you got a garden out of it. Wink

YinMnBlue · 25/05/2020 08:54

And as for lockdown rules. I think the Dominic Cummings fiasco has fucked that one. Many people are not going to give a shit now

Sadly, true.

Can no one hear their Mum saying “And if Dominic C put his hand in the fire, would you copy that, too?”.

It seems not.

We blame gvt, quite rightly, and then take no personal responsibility.

midnightstar66 · 25/05/2020 08:54

Haha, he was at his mums birthday party. You really believe the protecting his child line? Oh come on 🙄

peperethecat · 25/05/2020 09:00

Mumsnet would be a lot more interesting if every thread didn't descend into a bunfight about who's breaking lockdown rules.

edwinbear · 25/05/2020 09:01

You are both absolutely pathetic and selfish for swanning off to a BBQ. You got what you deserved OP, you both need to grow up.

thedancingbear · 25/05/2020 09:01

Mumsnet would be a lot more interesting if every thread didn't descend into a bunfight about who's breaking lockdown rules.

Dominic, is that you?

LadyMuck111 · 25/05/2020 09:03

Is your boyfriend Jay from the inbetweeners?

CloudyVanilla · 25/05/2020 09:08

He sounds gross, this is so mean but his spelling makes me cringe :(
I do not have fights with my partner like this, and certainly not at 17 months in! :O

That's still the honeymoon period. I would quietly distance yourself and move on, he just sounds so meh. Like, is it worth it? Is he really the great love if your life?