One for the wank bank.

[Oneforthewankbank]

OK- we broke lock down, there will be some that think it's karma. I know it was stupid, you are right. I have no argument back so won't engage on this point.

My BF and I went to a BBQ earlier. Whilst there my BF took a photo of me and another woman. Then said That's one for the wank bank and saved it.

I didn't say anything but left as soon as he left the room to chat to his friends in another room

I just think he is genuinely disrespectful to me and the other girl he has hurt my feelings that he would save pictures of another woman for this purpose.

The term wank bank is disrespectful to women anyway and he is violating the other woman who was there with her boyfriend, I can't even touch on that for now.

He asked where I was and when I told him I left and why he says I need to grow up, nothing he does will ever be good enough for me and I am the one thats out of order.

Please tell me I am not the one on the wrong here, I feel like i am going nuts that he is blaming me for not taking the joke.

I have stopped texting him, I just needed a reality check that I am not totally over reacting like he says.

When someone tells you confidently that you are the problem, you start to wonder if they are right.

Sorry, bit on his side? Only if it were me and my mates we'd laugh and you'd have nothing to worry about. I dunno. I feel like you might be overreacting

And @Thisismytimetoshine
Yes, exactly.

I accept you opinion there, however if you upset your dp with a comment like that would you apologise for hurting their feelings or tell them to grow up?

I have stopped texting him, I just needed a reality check that I am not totally over reacting like he says.

It wouldn’t matter if everyone else on here said they’d take it as a joke. You found it hurtful and it’s important to you that your boyfriend doesn’t act like this. We all have different boundaries, this is yours and that’s fine. Don’t change yourself as you’d be constantly unhappy. There are plenty of men out there that wouldn’t do this and wouldn’t act like the ‘alpha male belittling someone else’s boyfriend. Personally I can’t stand blokes like that and I think he sounds like a twat.

He's right! At least you got a free garden out of it. You can sit on the lovely decking and enjoy your singledom, or perhaps entertain a lovely new boyfriend there at some point in the future.

But you don't need to worry about being the problem.

I guess if you didn't know the person. I may have misread there. Then its cheeky and they might not get it. In which case, bit on yours. I don't think I'd LTB over it.

Thanks, I feel like I am going nuts sometimes. He is very insecure and I feel like sometimes he needs to make others, including me feel insecure to make himself feel better.

I don't condone you breaking lockdown to go to a BBQ but looks like you did yourself a favour as you are now getting rid of this odious man !!

Definitely tell him how horny Rik makes you!

Imagine being told to grow up by someone who says "that's one for the wank bank". A phrase I haven't heard since I was about 15.

YANBU, its grim

He is very insecure and I feel like sometimes he needs to make others, including me feel insecure to make himself feel better.

Well, men like that are never going to be good for you. If you stay with him, you’ll have an unhappy future. Don’t waste your time. Lucky escape.

Enjoy your garden.

You met her for the first time and he said that?! She'll be thinking, what a creep. And feeling sorry for you.

Well done for dumping him.

I know you don't want to engage or discuss the whole breaking the lockdown thing.

However, the thing is for me, everyone that I know who is prepared to go to parties and break the lockdown are selfish, inconsiderate twats.

With that in mind, it's hardly surprising that he doesn't care about your feelings, when the pair of you were engaging in an activity that basically sticks two fingers up at nurses and everyone else.

I'm sorry you're upset, that's never nice. How we would all feel about what he said is irrelevant. It sounds like a bit of an overreaction if I'm honest, but you told him you were upset so he should have apologised anyway. That's the bit that matters. That's as supportive as I can be, given the circumstances.

I was on pins all night because this couple were talking to me and I know he gets jealous about other blokes. I thought that was why he was putting the guy down. Little did I know he had his eye on the other woman the whole time. The poor couple must be wondering what kind of shit show they inadvertently got caught up in.

I was relieved to leave to be honest and I am sick of not being able to relax around his friends.

But like he says, I got a garden out of it so hey ho.

That's not a joke. I can tell a joke. I grew up in a terribly funny family. I have several friends who are professionally funny. I know a joke when I see one.

That's what idiots call 'banter', which is really code for 'I can be an asshole and if you complain it means you're boring/priggish/lame.'

It was meant to put you in your place. I am glad that you have instead put him in his.

(I wouldn't engage with him further. He's just going to try to convince you this is your fault. It isn't: he's a twat.)

@ExhaustedFlamingo that is a very fair comment and I totally agree. You won't be surprised to know its his friends BBQ and I was guilt tripped into going because I dont make enough effort with his friends.

Its a bit dark right now I will add a picture tomorrow. He did a good job to be fair. I had my reservations about getting back together but he saved me a fortune there.

He needs to be an exBF @Oneforthewankbank. That’s it. 💐

I agree with Exhausted about going to the party, no need to discuss it but it is relevant because it says something about him and his friends. What sort of person did you think you'd find there, and do you want to be one of them.

He jealous and immature and ok, handy around the house and garden ...got any other maintenance jobs you need doing before you ditch him?

Colossal sense of humour failure in this thread.

I was going to say "LTB" but you've already done it.

Have a look at the Duluth Wheel and see how his behaviours fit the different segments. "Can't you take a joke?" fits in the "minimising, denying, and blaming" sector and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

You've dodged a bullet there.

"Nothing's ever good enough for you"
"Sorry I'm not perfect"
"Seems like I can't do anything right when it comes to you"

Sentences like these are diversionary tactics, designed to avoid engaging with the issue you have raised and turn the conversation around so it becomes about you defending your "over-sensitivity" or "impossible standards".

If you criticise him frequently, that may an issue for you to deal with as a couple. But for him to deny that his comment was problematic by invalidating your perspective and then trying to turn it back on you are signs you're dealing with a passive-aggressive personality. You'll likely to have a long road of conflict ahead of you if you persevere with the relationship.