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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Porn

211 replies

Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 06:54

Ok, a year ago I found out my boyfriend was paying for porn pictures and what ever else online, it completely broke me, he wouldn’t wank a lot he said, anyways yesterday I found him wanking again he said he stopped doing it, I left the house for 2 minutes to go to the shop but I came back because the shop was to busy, he said he wouldn’t use porn again because of how it makes me feels ect but yet again he’s just lieing to me,
He said is just porn he uses but I can’t believe him, what should I do, we have 3 kids together and I’m pregnant,
He said last night he won’t Stop the porn,

So in my head I have to leave,??
Has the happen to anyone before?
How can I trust him, I feel like every time my back is turned he will be online wanking,

OP posts:
Credenhill22 · 10/05/2020 06:57

So don't you ever wank?

Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:01

No I don’t, honestly I don’t
It’s the lies he said he stopped because he didn’t want it to get out of control again.
Then he lied, he always has to lie,
How do I know it will just be porn every now and then? And not the stuff he did before?
He don’t understand why I feel the way I do, I have been up most of the night thing how I end things, I shouldn’t be worried every time my back is turned he on the internet doing what ever, pass relationship porn and wanking was never a problem because there was no lies

OP posts:
msmith501 · 10/05/2020 07:09

Maybe it's easier for him to lie about having a wank because of how against it you seem to be?

IamADude · 10/05/2020 07:10

So now it is a crime for a man to wank to internet porn? SMH

Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:12

I wasn’t against it till i found pages and pages of online websites and he was paying for some, he said he used to do it a few time a day, and he was a problem and he stopped but started again and now does it every now and again but of course I don’t believe him I was gone for 2 minutes and straight away he puts on porn

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:12

He was home with the 3 kids to, they was in the room but the point is as soon as I’m out the house that is what he does

OP posts:
HT96 · 10/05/2020 07:19

Its grim that he does it when the kids are in the house and awake 🤢 but I personally don't see the problem with porn as long as it does not effect your sex life which I am guessing it has no as you are pregnant with 3 DC? 😁

Maybe its time to come to a compromise op instead of keep telling him no? He is a grown man after all! I would personally say if you want to watch porn and do what you do then I will accept it but you can only do it at night when everyones in bed!

Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:25

Just had a argument about it, he lost it and said he does it because I’m fat and ugly, and I think he means it,

OP posts:
minmooch · 10/05/2020 07:26

You may need to be more specific in your posts as to what you are so against

Your partner wanks a lot?
Your partner wanks a lot to porn?
The porn is costing lots/too much money?
Are you against porn in general?
Is the type of porn he likes a problem?
If he watches and wanks to porn whilst the kids are in the house are you afraid for the children?

Obviously your partner is allowed to wank. His body etc. If it means he can't then perform with you then it does become an issue.

You sound a little OTT in your reaction to his wanking to porn but presumably there is more to it than the odd wank to vanilla porn.

Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:28

It’s no porn or the wanking it’s lie and the sites he used a site for sex works so he would pay on line for private pictures ect I’m not ok with that he was spending about £10 a day

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 10/05/2020 07:29

You sound very controlling - you can't stop someone from masturbating! That's absurd.

pretzele · 10/05/2020 07:31

£10 a day on that is a lot !

Sadiesnakes · 10/05/2020 07:32

So now it is a crime for a man to wank to internet porn? SMH

Pretty sure you said this before too🤔. Have you nothing constructive to add to any thread apart from these brain dead comments?

Peapod29 · 10/05/2020 07:36

If he’s called you fat and ugly I would end the relationship. He’s horrible. Spending family money on wanking is also awful, unless you are very well off. It’s unnecessary when there’s loads of free porn. Wanking is a perfectly normal healthy thing to do. It’s only a problem if it’s impacting on your sex life and porn use is out of control. It sounds like you were a bit unreasonable to expect him to stop wanking, your post wasn’t that clear. But in retaliation he’s shown his true colours. He has no respect for you.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 10/05/2020 07:37

So he's paying specific women money so they can presumably wank together while your children are in his care, calls you fat and ugly and other posters on this site think you're the one with the problem?

I would talk to him about it not when you catch him at it but calmly and away from the situation, his response will tell you how you need to proceed.

superstressy · 10/05/2020 07:37

Are the other 3 children his, as you refer to him as your boyfriend and not partner?

If this a big deal for you, then you have every right to end the relationship. Porn messes up the brain, so maybe it's best not to be with someone who isn't mentally healthy.

Namenic · 10/05/2020 07:37

For me porn is a dealbreaker. Different people are different and that is ok.

Some people have open relationships, ok with web camming. But it should be consensual. If it bothers you OP, you have to make a decision as to whether you want to compromise and stay with him, or leave. It is a tough situation. Good luck!

Lostvoiced · 10/05/2020 07:39

He called you fat and ugly? Dump him.

You don't have to be okay with your partner watching porn. Lots of women are okay with it, and that's fine, but you dont have to be. Personally I don't like it for a variety of reasons (not because I'm a prudish killjoy) so I wouldn't date a guy who used porn. I would rather be on my own.

It's okay to have boundaries and it's okay if this is one of them.

Sadiesnakes · 10/05/2020 07:40

Ignore the porn apologists here op, he's lied to you and been a sneaky prick really. He's obviously addicted to porn now since he's preferring it to sex with a real life woman so those saying it's grand and harmless are talking out of their arses.

Of course he should be allowed to masturbate, you can't control that op, but you can and should insist on no porn, as you and others with any sense can see how destructive it is to relationships amongst other things, perfect example happening right here.

Ultimatum- give it up or leave. No exceptions.

You are worth more than a porn addled looser.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2020 07:45

This reply has been deleted

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Bluntness100 · 10/05/2020 07:46

porn addled

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

PandaMa · 10/05/2020 07:47

The fact he's done it while he was supposed to be watching 3 kids and they were awake is the most troubling part of this for me. I'd have chucked him out.

Sadiesnakes · 10/05/2020 07:50

Yep @Bluntness100 paying £10 a day on porn is porn addled.

Sadiesnakes · 10/05/2020 07:52

So is watching porn whilst in charge of minors.. pretty sure there should be a law against that if there isn't already.

Original poster
Helpthisgirl · 10/05/2020 07:55

Yes 3 kids are his

OP posts: