How long would you wait for a proposal?

[wontletmeout]

Never really thought I'd be in this position but here we are.

How long would you wait for a proposal before deciding to either propose yourself or leave?

“To me, marriage is a huge, life decision, and one to be taken equally, as a joint decision between two people.“

Yep. Might not be very Hollywood but this is what we did. Discussed and agreed, which is what we have done for everything from having children to buying a house.

I could not be happy in a relationship where I didn’t know what was going on.

We got engaged just under 2 years after we met. Long engagement though (6 years). It depends how you feel and how old you are. I know at least two couples who waited 10 years or more before getting engaged.

I got engaged after a year , but waited another 4 years to get married , bought a house inbetween and had to save for the wedding . When you know you know

I wouldn't get married again. I have property and a decent pension and I can't risk kissing goodbye to half of it in a divorce but if I was in my 20's I wouldn't wait on a man to make up his mind I'd be waiting till kingdom come.
I would discuss it with him, see if it was something he wanted and arrange a date.
Really as an equal partnership we shouldn't be waiting for the grand proposal. This isn't the 1950's any more.

Around 2 years. If he keeps putting it off, he's just keeping you around as a convenience until a better option comes along. So so many times seen guys say "I'm just not into marriage, it's only a piece of paper!", strings gf along, meets someone new and nee gf and him are married within the year.

These kinds of threads pop up at least once a month. This is the 21st century, but some people's mindset seems to be stuck somewhere in the 1950s.

@wontletmeout.... Why are you waiting? What is stopping you from bringing up the subject of marriage, if this is important to you and the relationship has developed to a degree that gettiing married seems the right thing to do? Are you afraid he'll say no?

It's better to know, even if the answer is not what you hoped to hear. Know your own self-worth and don't let any man mess you about. Better to be alone than wait years for a proposal that never comes.

I made the decision that we needed to be engaged by one year of living together ( so just under two years of being together) or I would move on. DH didn't know about the deadline but we had talked about marriage a lot and he had taken me to have my ring finger measured so it wasn't a surprise.

waiting for a man to ask you to marry them?

noo. isnt that kind of regressive/submissive? dont you want to be equal partners?

@wontletmeout.... Why are you waiting? What is stopping you from bringing up the subject of marriage, if this is important to you and the relationship has developed to a degree that gettiing married seems the right thing to do? Are you afraid he'll say no?

I'm not afraid he'll say no, I'm afraid he would say yes just because it was what I wanted. I want him to really want to be married to me too, and it's either
a) genuinely not that important to him or
b) it's just that I'm not the right person for him

How long have u been together op?

Six years.

My friend got engaged at 6 years, although I think at 5 years they'd had some kind of discussion initiated by her because I think she was starting to get frustrated. They are happily married now.

I personally got engaged at 3 years and although we had discussed marriage and children beforehand it was very much him who brought it up in the first place and he did a lovely proposal.

I think you should bring it up with him. I would in your shoes op as 6 years is a long time imo. Good luck.

You won't ask him to marry you in case he only says yes to make you happy, but he could feel the same way. So this means you will never get married. I'm surprised that after 6 years you've never even discussed how you both feel about marriage.

These threads always seem to have arrived from the distant past in a time capsule.

Three years max. I remember reading a research study that said if he hasn’t proposed by three years the odds of him ever doing so fall off a cliff. By three years he’s not getting to know you and making up his mind any more. He knows you well enough and has already decided - so if he hasn’t proposed it’s because he’s decided not to. Two years would actually be a good time to propose - by the end of the third year I’d be checking out and packing my bags.

You need to talk to him. My dh was scared of marriage and I did give him an ultimatum (it was more complicated as my mum had a terminal illness and I wanted her there). I think we'd been together about 9 years. He is very happy we did get married but if I'd left it to him we wouldn't be married now 6.

Do you live together? Do you have DC?

Like others, I didn’t have any big ‘proposal’, marriage was something we both wanted and discussed. We were both 30, each had our own homes, and it was the natural thing to do .. but neither of us wanted a showy wedding with a white dress or anything like that. We had a register office wedding, a small lunch and that was it (over 30 years ago). I do think many people are more interested in the ‘wedding’ rather than the marriage.

I think you just need to get on with it and ask him honestly for his feelings on getting married. Decide how important it is to you and then make some informed decisions based on his response.

I initiated the conversation with my now dh after 4 years together (he has a child so took us longer than it might have otherwise) he thought i wanted some big proposal with a ring. No, i just wanted to mutually agree how we wanted our future to look and marriage was important to me. So we agreed to get married. Voila, engaged.

Do you live together? Have kids?

Depending on your age and circumstances it varies but, all things being equal, six years to me would mean he doesn't want to get married to me.

6 years is a long time. The harsh reality is that he probably doesn't want to marry you, but he's too comfortable in the relationship to end it.

If getting married is a deal breaker for you then you need to give him an ultimatum so he doesn't keep wasting your time.

In a relationship for over 6 years, two house purchases, have a joint account together and currently 35 weeks pregnant...still waiting 😂 however, we've discussed marriage which is the key point.

Like other PPs have said, really need a bit more info. My OH wants us to get married but 1. It's a lot of money 2. Our families are huge 3. He's a nervous person and worries that he'll 'propose' wrong

Really depends on whether your OH is flat out refusing marriage and that's a dealbreaker. I do know someone who gave their partner a 5 year ultimatum and tbh, it was a bit cringe when they announced the proposal (she acted all surprised, cried and que a huge gushy Facebook post) as we were all aware it was forced. They're still together though and have a baby so I guess it worked 🤷🏻‍♀️

My views on marriage have completely changed. It's a shackle and if I could go back, I'd never do it. You can be committed without it. It's not necessary. Don't waste time waiting. Be grateful you are free and don't give it up lightly, if at all.

Nine years and been engaged for six years now. Can't be bothered to actually get married anymore, maybe we'll change our minds. My sister met and married her husband in 5 months, still together 22 years later. I don't understand what the need for a timeline is, what does it have to do with your relationship? Why is leaving the alternative?

Proposals are patriarchal bullshit. Take matters into your own hands!

I'm not a romantic, marriage is about the legal and financial structures in place for if one of you dies or you separate.