21 Year Old Daughter has tantrums and it's wearing me down.

[AvaGrace412]

Yep you read that right. 21!

Due to her father and various family members spoiling her as a child and allowing her to do as she wanted and behave as she wanted, I am embarrassed to say she's never properly grown up and acts like a spoiled child all the time.

Her latest tantrum was at midnight last night, she woke me up screaming and swearing as she'd had a minor disagreement with her boyfriend on a text message. Despite DH and I having harsh words with her and telling her to stop, the tantrum went on until about 4am.

She does this every couple of weeks or whenever anything doesn't go her own way. I'm drained by it all.

She behaves like Nikki Graeme from Big Brother, if anyone remembers her?

Even the WiFi going down for 5 minutes has DD screeching and throwing things.

I'd lock my bedroom door and leave her to it.

I can't sleep through the noise. Plus she wakes my other two younger children.

21 is plenty old enough to get her own place.

Fooking hell.
Put your foot down and tell her to fuck off in a nice way if my 21 year old come screaming in my face and into my bedroom I'd show them the door. She needs to grow the hell up.

I get why you're embarrassed. I'm 27 and would never act like that at 21.

She's 21. Does she work, go to uni? What's she doing with her life?

I'd go better than locking bedroom door and lock the fucking front door with her the other side of it.

Would you put up with it from your dh? Or he from you? So why does she get away with it. And it's bullshit about her being spoilt as a child, she's 21 now. Not 7.

I'd sit her down today and say you are worried about her mental health and tell her she needs a gp appointment asap. It's absolutely not normal no matter what happens on unreality tv.

If a 21 year old was having a tantrum that went on until 4am (Sunday night? Night before people have to go to work?), she needs to kicked out.

Last night I would have given her the choice: she either shuts up or her duvet etc will be thrown out and she will be instructed to follow.

Today, she would be sat down and told in no uncertain terms that not one more episode of this disgusting behaviour will be allowed, and that if she as a 21 year old wants to live in your home, she has to up her game and stop behaving like a spoiled brat.

If her father panders to her again, you need to ask him how well he thinks his spoiling of her has worked out. Then ask him if he is happy with the current situation, and if he is not, what exactly does he intend to do about it?

Definitely needs to leave home. Sorry.
I know, it's expensive and it's not the same as when we were young. I left home at 18 and I could back in 1990. But is there any way you could encourage her to leave home? I think you have to let her go and live life and get a few battle scars on her own.

I'd honestly punt her out on her arse. If she can't behave well in the house then she can find other alternatives. Might give her a wee fright.

Give her a strict list of rules to follow, like nothing too mental, just normal things like keeping quite after 11pm etc. Respecting the household. If she breaks them launch her out.

She’s 21! Time for her to move out!

She works part time but won't work full time as her dad (not my DH) has always told her it's about quality of life not about 'things'. She did a few different college courses but didn't like them and didn't like being told what to do so that was that.

I have tried so many times speaking to her father about it but he said he doesn't give a fuck about my family life and her happiness is all he cares about.

She is on medication for anxiety but I honestly think a lot of her anxiety is when she can't have her own way.

She works part time but won't work full time as her dad (not my DH) has always told her it's about quality of life not about 'things'

I doubt she knows the meaning of quality. Where's your quality of life with this behaviour? What kind of adult behaves so shamefully?

She did a few different college courses but didn't like them and didn't like being told what to do so that was that.

OP, she's just another snowflake who needs sweeping up.

Speak to her and tell her anymore ridiculous tantrums, you're out.
Simple as that.

Or, if she wants to act like a child, treat her like one.
Impose WiFi restrictions, bedtime, curfew.

I’d give her an ultimatum, either stop all this silly shit or she can find somewhere else to live. It’s not fair on you and the rest of your family to put up with this, you’ve raised her to 21, it’s time she grew up and stepped out into the real world.

She's old enough to live independently. She's also old enough to know that it's long past time to outgrow this behaviour. That said, is there any reason why she shouldn't go and live with her father? He helped to create the problem. Why shouldn't he see the results of his parenting style close-up?

Send her to live with Daddy, he can reap what he sowed.

think I'd tip a bucket of water over her!

I'd pack her off to Daddy's. Leave them both to it!

I'm with @Seashells47 on this one. She can can learn to control her temper or live elsewhere. If nothing else, the cost of renting a room and budgeting for living expenses will be an eye-opener.

I would be interested to see how long she lasts if you sent her to live with her father.

Daddy can have his princess live with him and see how he likes supporting her and listening to her shit. I’d give her 14 days to find somewhere to live or get a grip, no way would I tolerate this nasty wee boot, daughter or not.

Kick her out.

Her Dad can have the pleasure of her behaviour by her moving there.

Chuck her out. You're not taking responsibility here. She is your child and therefore you brought her up so it's not just her ex who made her a brat.
If you don't chuck her out you've only got yourself to blame.
I don't have much sympathy