Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i hate it and it makes me feel like shit. AM I WRONG?

223 replies

lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 08:53

my partner buys these mags that really upset me (namely zoo/nuts) especially since i've just had a baby and my confidence is zip. he mainly hides this fact from me, but i have womans intuition and i just know. last night he came home and i saw the latest copy in his bag and i felt sick, it just felt like the last straw, there's me looking scruffy covered in sick, totally stressed out.

he never romances me (i have asked him loads of times to do something nice for each other, i need to feel loved and wanted and all the other mushy stuff) i'm just the woman that looks after his baby, cleans the house and i feel like a total mug.

this morning i went into our lounge and found that not only had he decided to masturbate into his sock (i thought this was reserved for teenagers?) but that he has also left it for me to tidy up.

i am so angry and disappointed.

am i wrong to feel like this? am i wrong to want him to stop buying these mags and make more of an effort with me?

OP posts:
totaleclipse · 16/08/2007 09:01

The magazines I would'nt have a problem with, they are not top shelf mags, not sure what to advice about the rest, sorry.

Meeely2 · 16/08/2007 09:02

ok, I am risking a right pasting here, but my DH buys Nuts and Zoo, well actually i buy them for him on my lunch break! At no point have i seen this as a threat or that he is mistreating me in anyway, not even just after I had given birth. I guess its a trust thing, they are airbrushed bimbo's, i am real and have a brain. (bet none of them could look after twins, clean a house and iron his shirts)

As for the w*nking into a sock and leaving it - well fook that! Leave the sock on his fav chair in the lounge let him clean it up! Yes men do play with themselves, part of life we just have to accept, but he should have made it so plainly obvious.

How long ago did you have the baby? If it was very recent and you are not ready for bedroom activity yet, then could you arrange for a special night in the future (after your 6 week check), get someone to baby sit and go out together as a couple, remind yourselves why you are in love?

We had to make a real effort to spend time together when our twins were first born as you forget and get so wrapped up in caring for your lo's. My dh has a high sex drive so was chomping at the bit after my 6 week check!

Good luck, but please don't take the magazines personally - it's not like he's gonna meet any of the girls in there is he?

FioFio · 16/08/2007 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Meeely2 · 16/08/2007 09:03

SHOULDN'T have made it so obvious!

FoghornLeghorn · 16/08/2007 09:04

Magazine's wouldn't bother me - masterbating wouldn't bother me - leaving it for me to clean up would though.
I think you need to explain to him how it makes you feel - he will probably think you are being ridiculous to be bothered by it but at least he will know and hopefully he will either stop or not make it so obvious to you

lilymolly · 16/08/2007 09:05

The underlying issue here, is that you are feeling unloved and need some pampering.

I would have not problem with him looking at those mags, I think it is unreasonable to stop him getting them, but I do think he should start making a massive effort to boost your confidence.

You are not wrong in feeling like this.
Have a talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and ask him to change some of his behaviour.

By the way........ Wanking in a sock is hilarious, if it was not so sad

It is indeed the behaviour of a 13 year old
And as for getting you to clean it up, I would have put it on his pillow

tiredemma · 16/08/2007 09:05

The magazine bit is fine with me- The yound fillys in there are hardly going to look twice at my DP.
Plus he makes me feel like a million dollars even though I know that I have put on weight and often look like shit.
Maybe he should show you some attention.

The wanking into a sock bit? Sorry cannot think of what I would so- but I certainly would not be cleaning it up after him, and would most probably humilate him at any future gatherings with our friends.

nutcracker · 16/08/2007 09:08

I'd stick the sock in a jiffy bag and send it to him at work.

caterpiller · 16/08/2007 09:08

Thanks for puting me off my morning cup of tea.

Wanking into a sock

lilymolly · 16/08/2007 09:11

Just asked dp about wanking in a sock, and he reckons its a bit odd!!
maybe he likes the feel of the argyle cotton rubbing against him

3Ddonut · 16/08/2007 09:12

Nice one Nutcracker!!!!

FioFio · 16/08/2007 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nutcracker · 16/08/2007 09:14

Ahh well it is a subject quite close to my heart as xp was rather find of the same hobby, although never in a sock.

BandofMothers · 16/08/2007 09:14

How long ago was the baby born.
Cos if it's recently and you aren't having sex again, then go easy on him.

If you are then just ask him why he feels the need. Some men just do. Doesn't mean he doesn't still fancy you tho.

Wouldn't bother me if DH wanked, but would protest at having to clean up the evidence.

tiredemma · 16/08/2007 09:14

yes. why a sock?

I would have thought that a velvet glove would have given a more 'delicate rub' ?

Meeely2 · 16/08/2007 09:14

marigold?

lilymolly · 16/08/2007 09:16

Its not the wanking that bothers me but the sock WHY.......

BandofMothers · 16/08/2007 09:17

He's probably not using the sock, it's probably just a means of cleaning up after>

nutcracker · 16/08/2007 09:18

Well yeah, it's gotta go somewhere hasn't it. Buy him some mansized tissues.

nutcracker · 16/08/2007 09:18

Or pocket tissues if they will do the job

tiredemma · 16/08/2007 09:19

well, if its just to clean up- at least its not your curtains.....

suwoo · 16/08/2007 09:20

I found the same evidence when we and DH were going through a bad patch. I don't think they actually use it for the wanking bit- just a recepticle for catching the ahem 'products' LOL

fortyplus · 16/08/2007 09:25

Definitely wouldn't worry about the mags - men are such KIDS and have 'visual' imaginations so just accept that his mind works differently from yours and there's no harm in it - he only hides it from you because he knows you don't like it.

But... wanking in a sock!!!! I bet he didn't mean to leave it for you - he'd probably be mortified if he knew! Probably didn't actually wank in the sock iykwim - just used it to 'catch' at the end as he didn't have a tissue handy! Too bloody lazy to get up and get one from the bathroom.

What a tosser (excuse the pun!)

But... my dh - who does try hard to be 'romantic' even tho it doesn't come naturally - says that life was never harder than when we had 2 children under 2. I think we sometimes forget that - we do the 'physical' bit of giving birth, bf, nappies etc all day if we are sahm, but men have to take on a role that they're less prepared for. My dh said he felt overwhelmed that he had to be 'provider' for the family. So... although I can understand where you're coming from, you need to accept that it's a tough time for him, too.

fortyplus · 16/08/2007 09:26

LOL - XP with everyone else who thinks the sock is just for catching the evidence! Bleeurgh!

Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 09:27

i dont have a problem with FHM so much, it's at least a bit classier and has decent articles in it, but these zoo/nuts mags have pics of 17 year olds with no clothes on, pics of girls in our local town. he also slates these girls saying, ugh, and oh my god, so why then would he buy the mag??? i feel like he's lying.

some of you have said that you bet these girls wouldn't clean, cook, look after his babies... well i don't wanna do that either! i'm not going to be taken for granted.

as for putting the sock on his pillow, he'd probably just throw it onto my side of the room anyway.

i feel so invisible, sometimes i make a real effort to look nice when he gets home, i do my hair, put some make up on and change so i'm nice and clean, i tidy up and have dinner cooking, and what so i get?? nothing. no, "oh you look nice, wow the place is clean, i'm sorry i wanked in a sock and left you to tidy it up, i'm sorry i made you feel useless and unattractive"

right now i hate him.

OP posts: