i hate it and it makes me feel like shit. AM I WRONG?

[lollyroffled]

my partner buys these mags that really upset me (namely zoo/nuts) especially since i've just had a baby and my confidence is zip. he mainly hides this fact from me, but i have womans intuition and i just know. last night he came home and i saw the latest copy in his bag and i felt sick, it just felt like the last straw, there's me looking scruffy covered in sick, totally stressed out.

he never romances me (i have asked him loads of times to do something nice for each other, i need to feel loved and wanted and all the other mushy stuff) i'm just the woman that looks after his baby, cleans the house and i feel like a total mug.

this morning i went into our lounge and found that not only had he decided to masturbate into his sock (i thought this was reserved for teenagers?) but that he has also left it for me to tidy up.

i am so angry and disappointed.

am i wrong to feel like this? am i wrong to want him to stop buying these mags and make more of an effort with me?

no i don't...

he gets home too early for baby to be in bed, but wine sounds like a good idea. i could do with a glass now...

Has to be face to face and non confrontational, I agree.

Message withdrawn

Man Therapist alert! Look away now.........

Some guys do feel a bit distant after the birth of a child because of all the attention being given to the new arrival and the strong physical bond between mother and child. It can sometimes put them off viewing their partner as a sexual/emotional being with their own needs that need attending to as well. This might explain why he is doing these things with the mags. He may feel that the baby is way up the pecking order now and this might be what is causing this chasm to develop.

My advice is he needs a big chat to make him realise that the realationship between you and the baby is unconditional as they will always be your child and recieve the love and attention they need no matter what. It is a 'given' in life and shouldn't affect the bond you have with your partner. The love you have between husband and wife is conditional - ie. you choose to be with each other, and this always requires effort to keep it alive - from both sides.

You need to make some time for just yourselves without the baby being there (easier said than done i know) and re-discover each other as a man and woman who thrive on the attention and love shown by each other. It is a difficult period for both of you when you have a new arrival in the house upsetting all the balance, but rest assured - you both want the same things and both need to give each other some love and attention.

As for the sock thing? That's just plain weird! All men do some weird things i suppose, but leaving the evidence is a little disrespectful. Maybe he did it deliberately in a clumsy attempt to resolve the situation!

Hope you sort it out. Let us know how your 'date' goes........

cheers eric... i will x

EricL, I admire your optimism. I don't share it though .

"Hmmm I do always wonder how many men would be happy about their wives wanking to pictures of hot men...esp if they left fluid evidence for them to clean."

my thoughts exactly... suppose i bought a nice big vibrator and left that out... how would that work?

if i asked him why he bought them he would say something typical like, its not for the naked women its for the jokes...

at the moment i wouldn't pose for him because i'd feel like i have to compete with these women and he'd be comparing us.

FGS? whats that mean? no i'm not a performing seal...!!!!!!!!

If he thinks women like that really exist then he's deluded. You are real, womanly, have born a child for him, are a good wife to him. He may fantasise over these women, but he'd be really stupid to jeopordise what he has with you, with the thought that there are women like this out there. And even if this woman were to exist, would she be what you are to him? I doubt it!

I think janitor is actually on your side, saying you shouldn't have to pose for this man who calls himself a husband.

i was agreeing with her!

fgs=for god's sake.