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Original poster

i hate it and it makes me feel like shit. AM I WRONG?

223 replies

lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 08:53

my partner buys these mags that really upset me (namely zoo/nuts) especially since i've just had a baby and my confidence is zip. he mainly hides this fact from me, but i have womans intuition and i just know. last night he came home and i saw the latest copy in his bag and i felt sick, it just felt like the last straw, there's me looking scruffy covered in sick, totally stressed out.

he never romances me (i have asked him loads of times to do something nice for each other, i need to feel loved and wanted and all the other mushy stuff) i'm just the woman that looks after his baby, cleans the house and i feel like a total mug.

this morning i went into our lounge and found that not only had he decided to masturbate into his sock (i thought this was reserved for teenagers?) but that he has also left it for me to tidy up.

i am so angry and disappointed.

am i wrong to feel like this? am i wrong to want him to stop buying these mags and make more of an effort with me?

OP posts:
Dior · 16/08/2007 09:56

Message withdrawn

Dior · 16/08/2007 09:57

Message withdrawn

HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 09:58

Dior, the more I'm on here the more that campaign gathers pace.

For the record, of course I look at other women, DW also looks at other men. She knows I look at porn and she's cool with it, not averse to it herself. If I got a hint that she wasn't happy, I'd stop.

Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 09:59

so from a male point of view...

is it wrong to ask him to stop buying zoo/nuts??

how do i get him to be more romantic with me? i'd love him to buy me flowers or suprise me, i have asked him to do this before and he promised me flowers every friday... i got them once... just something nice would be good. maybe even some sexy undies...

how should i go about the sock business? i feel so stupid handing over his sock. i am so disgusted by this, our baby will put anything in it's mouth right now.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:02

lolly, sorry to say this but are you actually reading my posts?

Forget about him being "romantic" for the moment, he can't even act respectfully towards you. You HAVE to tell him how you feel about the magazines and everything else.

DaDaDa · 16/08/2007 10:03

Have you told him how much you object to the mags? Apparently men do respond more to visual stimulation than women (and I can't personally see any problem with a bit of eye candy for me or DW) but if it upsets you you need to let him know how it makes you feel without confrontation. As HD says, if he respects you he should stop.

The sock is just gross.

Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 10:05

sorry happydaddy... i was venting. thanks

OP posts:
DaDaDa · 16/08/2007 10:05

"how do i get him to be more romantic with me? i'd love him to buy me flowers or suprise me"

You just can't force these things I'm afraid Lolly. He's got to want to do it, and nagging won't help.

HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:05

If that was me, the sock would be wrapped in DW fist as she "gave it back to me".

tiredemma · 16/08/2007 10:06

pmsl happydaddy.

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/08/2007 10:06

OMG. The dirty fucker!

Not the fact that he masturbated.. but just to leave the evidence laying there for you to see! The scumbag!

What ever happened to wanking in the shower & letting it go away?

My dh buys FHM, I don't have a problem with it, in fact I like reading some of it myself, sometimes the products page gives me the best ideas for Xmas & birthdays... but I would draw the line at Nuts &whatever the other one was... surely they are for teens who are too shy to buy real porn?

He sounds like a twat tbh. How about if you arrange a night out with friends...go & see how good a time you can have alone! Let him see how good you look all dressed up to go out... if he has any brains he might catch himself on!!

God.. wanking into a sock.. he's been watching too much TV!

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/08/2007 10:08

You see me, I wouldn't want flowers every Friday... not if it meant it was routine. I'd want flowers when he had been thinking about me all day, couldn't get me out of his head... that's when I would appreciate the flowers more.

And tbh, flowers would mean fuck all to me if I still was being treated like shite & left to wipe up his bodily fluids!! I'd bloody heave if I lifted a sock & it was heavy with that!

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 16/08/2007 10:09

I would just hand him the sock. Calmly tell him to not leave it lying around in future as it's disrespectful to you.

Then leave it and walk away.

When he (hopefully) makes an attempt to apologise take that opportunity to tell him how you feel.

If he doesn't even try to apologise then I'd go with HD and......

kick him in the cock.

He really needs his eyes opening to how he's making you feel but I think the 'romantic' stuff is probably a step too far. Most men just don't think that way. Just him having respect for you and appreciating you would be a good step.

HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:10

With regards to the going out part, I agree that you should go out with YOUR mates and leave him at home. You feel crap, a shitty bunch of flowers from Mr Prick wont paper over the other cracks.

The lack of regard for you and your feelings is the main thing here.

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/08/2007 10:10

Also, dh will point to women on TV & go "Cor!!!.... I would!"

Funnily enough it shuts him up when I say "Phowar, don't blame you, I would too!"

Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 10:11

routine has got to be better than being the invisible woman?

he wouldn't bother to apologise, he'd just think i was nagging.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:12

My mate told his wife that he wants a divorce, recently. He thinks that buying her flowers and trying to grope her is fine as they are getting on ok. He seems to think she can ignore his prickishness, obviously she can't.

HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:13

lolly, you dont sound as if you want to talk to him at all. Whatever the reason, you can't be surprised if his behaviour doesn't change if you don't tell him how bad he's making you feel. You're allowing him to act like a spoilt child by just ignoring it.

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/08/2007 10:15

No lolly, routine isn't better...

esp not when it comes to relationships!

Why does the flowers thing bother you so much?

I give birth on a snowy Xmas eve 6 years ago.... did I get a bunch of flowers?? Did I fuck! I got a turkey leg & a slab of stuffing & was eternally grateful!

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 16/08/2007 10:15

Do you still want to be with him lolly? If so you need to talk. If not then you need to do something about the alternative - he isn't going to change on his own.

Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 10:15

no i've tried to talk with him before and all i get is, get over yourself or nothing... he just walks away and then as if by magic it's like nothing ever happened... i do want to talk to him, i want to sort this out, i dont enjoy feeling like shit and crying all day feeling like a complete mug. i actually hate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 10:16

at least you got a good stuffing...

OP posts:
Original poster
lollyroffled · 16/08/2007 10:17

excuse the bad joke.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 16/08/2007 10:17

In that case, tell him that he needs to listen and take you seriously. You need to show him that you wont put up with it anymore.

He's a great role model for your child, isn't he?

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/08/2007 10:19

Have you washed the sock?