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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! something awful has happened

170 replies

Siablue · 03/09/2019 07:37

Last night my husband shouted at our baby he pulled his high chair towards him and shouted in his face. I phoned the NSPCC and the police came.

It was awful. They advised that he spent the night away from the house. He just came back and said I know you called the police and called me a monster. He was really upset and sobbing. You know I would never hurt my child. He thinks I am the problem and I am just trying to take our son away. He doesn’t realise the harm he has caused.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying I am meant to be in work today. How do I explain this to my boss.

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 03/09/2019 07:41

Take the day off sick. Call the National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 for advice. Flowers. How absolutely horrible for you and your baby.

Chitarra · 03/09/2019 07:41

Your husband shouldn't have shouted at the baby. Was this a one-off or has he done it before? If it was a one-off I'm stunned that you called the police! We've all shouted at our kids at some point.

You two need to sit down and have a serious chat about your parenting methods.

Whenaretheholidaysover · 03/09/2019 07:44

I assume the nspcc was concerned enough to call the police?

pinkcardi · 03/09/2019 07:44

Is there more background to this? As a one off I cannot ever imagine calling the police.

Sometimes we all do awful things when we are stressed or under pressure. Not that shouting in a baby's face is acceptable of course, but more that the background would be helpful to try to understand why it happened.

Personally I am better when powering through, so I would go to work to distract myself. But if you can't then take the day off sick.

greentheme23 · 03/09/2019 07:44

Why would he shout at a baby? No one needs to shout at a baby. That's not shouting at your kids because they are misbehaving it's losing control and targeting a vulnerable child.

NoParticularPattern · 03/09/2019 07:46

Whilst your husband should absolutely not have done that, unless there is a massive dripfeed back story and this is a regular occurrence, then I’m a little bit shocked that you called the NSPCC and the police immediately. The pair of you need to have a discussion about how you parent your child. Unless it is a regular thing in which case you need to leave him.

Original poster
Siablue · 03/09/2019 07:47

I don’t see any way back from this. He is going to be so angry with me.

I never thought the police would come. I just want it all to stop. He doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong.

He was so scared when the police came, I felt sorry for him.

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 03/09/2019 07:48

Has your husband shouted at the baby before or shown aggression? Many parents get very frustrated at babies/toddlers and shout sometimes but that doesn’t warrant a call to NSPCC and the police arriving.

SexTrainGlue · 03/09/2019 07:48

A single incident of shouting is shit, but nit a police matter.

What else is going on, OP?

Quartz2208 · 03/09/2019 07:48

I have read your backstory OP you did the right thing and now you need to continue to move forward with leaving and reporting

Hadjab · 03/09/2019 07:48

Shouting at a baby is never right, but calling the police is extreme.

AMAM8916 · 03/09/2019 07:48

He pulled his highchair towards him? Like yanked the highchair forward and shouted directly in his face? That's not good at all. It's pointless shouting at a baby as they don't understand! Also, what could your son of possibly been doing in the highchair to enrage your partner so much?

Firefly111 · 03/09/2019 07:49

If this was a one off then I think you’ve massively over reacted. If it’s a regular occurrence and he has problems controlling his temper then fair enough.

Wonderland18 · 03/09/2019 07:49

Is there more to the story here? Is he abusive towards you and your scared he’s taking his anger out on the baby?

I agree that he should never had shouted at the baby but if it was a one off loss of temper I think the police and NSPCC is a bit much.

AmIThough · 03/09/2019 07:50

How old is the baby?
Is this the first time he's done something like this?
Why was he so angry?
Do you believe he would hurt your child?

isabellerossignol · 03/09/2019 07:52

I never thought the police would come. I just want it all to stop. He doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong.

He was so scared when the police came, I felt sorry for him.

Presumably from this statement it's an ongoing issue. In which case you did the right thing. And don't feel sorry for him because he has brought it on himself. He wants you to see him as the victim here when he's actually the perpetrator.

Original poster
Siablue · 03/09/2019 07:52

I have tried having a chat with him about the impact that his temper has on our baby but he just denies that happened.

He has been awful to me for a long time. I am at breaking point.

OP posts:
HarryElephante · 03/09/2019 07:53

Is this a one off?

HarryElephante · 03/09/2019 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Siablue · 03/09/2019 07:54

He shouts at me every day. Often it’s in front of the baby.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 03/09/2019 07:57

Leave him, he shouts at you daily and has now shouted at the baby. It'll only get worse, he'll stop sobbing about it one day too and won't even pretend to be sorry.

KTD27 · 03/09/2019 08:00

@Siablue After reading some of your other threads you have done the right thing. Let this be the beginning of the end and a new life for you and your son away from this man. You’ve been scared and unhappy for a while but well done for calling the police. Stay strong

AmIThough · 03/09/2019 08:00

Yeah you need to leave him. Take the baby and only let him have contact in a supervised environment until he's learned to manage his anger.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 03/09/2019 08:01

He's now realised his actions have consequences, hence the sobbing. You must keep up the momentum and get him out - permanently.

Call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. It may take a while to get through but they will advise you.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

blackcat86 · 03/09/2019 08:01

Then leave him. You know what you need to do. Ignore the crocodile tears. If he was sorry he wouldn't shout at you daily or your baby now would he. He's abusive and maybe he's sorry he got caught but he wont stop and next time it will be worse as he knows you'll accept his shitty behaviour.