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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! something awful has happened

170 replies

Siablue · 03/09/2019 07:37

Last night my husband shouted at our baby he pulled his high chair towards him and shouted in his face. I phoned the NSPCC and the police came.

It was awful. They advised that he spent the night away from the house. He just came back and said I know you called the police and called me a monster. He was really upset and sobbing. You know I would never hurt my child. He thinks I am the problem and I am just trying to take our son away. He doesn’t realise the harm he has caused.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying I am meant to be in work today. How do I explain this to my boss.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 04/09/2019 08:10

The NSPCC alerted the police because of a call about child welfare and the police aren't going to refer it on? That is appalling, if true.
I suggest you call the NSPCC again and ask them to refer the original call to children's services themselves. That will trigger screening including the police call out.

gingersausage · 04/09/2019 11:38

It’s all very well everyone telling the OP what the police should do, how do you propose that she should make them do it.

She probably lives in Avon & Somerset area 😒

cokezerothezerohero · 04/09/2019 11:42

Grow up. Put your child first and get this wee mite far away from your husband. Oh and when you're doing that, file divorce papers too

gingersausage · 04/09/2019 11:52

@cokezerothezerohero, yes because it’s that fucking easy. Have a little compassion.

Iamdobby63 · 04/09/2019 12:05

I’m really sorry you’ve been living like this, it’s not healthy for you or your son. When I read your post the first fear that came into my head was what would have happened if your husband was that angry with your baby but the baby didn’t have the protection (as such) of the high chair...

Leaving isn’t an easy solution but it is your only option, even if his aggression didn’t get any worse, do you really want your son growing up in that environment?

Follow the advice of the experienced people, you can do this!

hellenbackagen · 04/09/2019 12:24

I'm pretty sure that if a dash was done and a non crime domestic was recorded, then even if the officer who attended doesn't refer it to SS the domestic violence team that review it will. I take it they took your child's details.
If you actually would welcome some help from SS I would give them a call yourself.

Original poster
Siablue · 04/09/2019 12:36

Thank you* Helenbackagain* I am going to meet with someone from the domestic violence team anyway.

cokezero I know I have to leave. I am leaving. What I am trying to sort out is the logistics and legal side of leaving. I can’t just say to my husband you can never see your child again, I’m off bye .

I really do appreciate being given helpful advice. I would never thought I would find myself in this situation but I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Siablue · 07/09/2019 21:48

I just wanted to say that I have left and I am with my family.

I still afraid of what will happen when he finds out we are not coming back. I have spoken to a solicitor yet as I was waiting for my appointment but I was too scared to wait.

I am so relieved now when I look at my baby that he is nice and safe. I really hope he doesn’t try and take him away. I hope the courts believe me if he does.

I feel safer when I am away but I know that the next bad thing is going to happen.

OP posts:
shinynewapple · 07/09/2019 22:02

Well done @Siablue for taking that difficult step. I really hope things work out for you Thanks

Ereshkigal · 07/09/2019 23:23

Well done sweetheart, and good luck Thanks

Lweji · 08/09/2019 00:46

Wishing you all the best in this new phase.
Well done.

Coyoacan · 08/09/2019 02:35

I'm so glad you left. My dgd was two-months old when her father shouted at and attacked my dd. Her parents separated but the baby's cry was angry for the following two weeks. She is now a happy, naughty six-year-old but I dread to think what she would have been like if she had been consistently exposed to his anger.

Get all the advice you can get, particularly with Women's Aid, and look after yourself.

Original poster
Siablue · 09/09/2019 08:02

Coyoacan your poor dgdSad! I am pleased she is doing well now.

I feel physically sick. I can’t eat anything and I am just in so much pain. It is just the total fear. I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t want him to ever see DS again. I fear that this will not be possible.

I have been contacted by social services. They want to see me DH and DS all together. Can they make you do this. I don’t want to see him or go back home.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 09/09/2019 08:17

Did you tell SS what has happened?
I don't think they can make you meet up with your abuser.
Explain everything in detail and let them know how controlling he is and that you do not want to be in the same room as him yet.
I hope they can accommodate this another way for you.
Well done on getting away.
This bit won't be easy but you can do it.

T0getherindreams · 09/09/2019 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

elliollie · 09/09/2019 08:24

@T0getherindreams maybe you should read the full thread before you make sarcastic replies...

MrsBertBibby · 09/09/2019 08:25

Absolutely no they can't make you see him. Tell them everything and refuse to go to any meeting with him in it.

For court, you can ask for special measures : screens, or to join the hearing from a separate room by video link.

MrsBertBibby · 09/09/2019 08:26

Oh and well done for leaving! The hardest part. You've got this.

Original poster
Siablue · 09/09/2019 08:54

The lady phoned me before I left and said that we would have to have a meeting and that he would have to be there even if we left because he would still have contact with DSSad. She was going to get back to me with an appointment time but didn’t.

I left on Friday because my sister was able to help me. I am scared that they will make me give him unsupervised access to DS or if they don’t let him have that he will tell them a lot of lies so he gets taken off me.

It is good to know that I can refuse to be in the same room as him. Now that I am away I am going through all of the things he did and wondering why I didn’t leave earlier.

I think he might have psychosis or some other mental illness because some of the things he focused on are so odd but he made me go along with all of it or he would get very abusive.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 09/09/2019 09:11

Oh op I do feel for you.Thanks

IdblowJonSnow · 09/09/2019 09:31

Good luck op.
I'm so glad to hear you've left and you are safe with your little one.
I can imagine how strange things must feel right now.
I hope things start to feel better soon.

angieloumc · 09/09/2019 10:04

Well done sweetheart, you have taken the first big step. Please do go to a solicitor and also contact WA again, they will be able to help you further.

Coyoacan · 09/09/2019 12:04

Women's Aid would be the people to advise you best on this.

Original poster
Siablue · 09/09/2019 12:11

I contact the number social work gave me and told them I had moved away. The told me that I would not have to have a meeting and they would contact me a bit later to see if I was still in contact with my husband. I think they took it as a positive sign that I have moved out. It is a relief but I still feel awful.

I will contact Womans aid. I will see if I can get an injunction to stop him from taking DS.

OP posts:
LillithsFamiliar · 09/09/2019 12:19

You're doing so well Flowers
Keep drawing on all the support around you, from your family, friends and Woman's Aid. You have lots of people willing you to stay strong and safe.

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